Hi all. We're coping, that's the only way to describe it.

I feel like I'm slipping into depression. Lately it has been extremely difficult to find motivation to do anything, especially around the house. We visited family over an extended Memorial Day weekend, hoping to be refreshed, but when we returned I felt more lost and drained than ever. I'm trying to keep busy, to see people and do things, but really it's a crutch to keep from dwelling on things and getting depressed. I don't want to deal with anything anymore, I just want to run away.

Fortunately my son needs me and he keeps me focused, but man, is it tough. He was relatively silent for a while on the subject of his mommy passing, but recently has begun questioning things again. In a way I'm relieved because it's coming back out into the open. A lot of it is repetitive but I don't mind, it helps me, and I know it helps him to talk honestly about it. I know he's at least as confused about it as I am.

I still visit her grave several times each week, but I don't feel much anymore. I just feel like I shouldn't have to be there. It's not like she was old or sick, for Pete's sake, so why is she buried there? I guess I've been through shock, denial, and now I'm getting into anger and depression. The little guy is still in denial but he's starting to question things again, which in a way is a relief. He benefits so much from talking about it, even if it's repetitive.

I'm really starting to worry about the future. It's scary, daunting, all the things I need to coordinate to make sure my son is taken care of. I don't know how I'm going to do it all.

Dave,
This isn't much consulation but all the emotions you are going through are the normal greiving proceedure and it so SO HARD. Have you talked to a doctor about your depression? because that would be a really good idea since you have to take care of your son. I am on mild antidepressants and they are a Godsend, they just take the edge off so that you can cope.
No it is not fair that you wife was so young and to get angry is good for you, it lets off some of the pressure built up inside, and crying while beating the stuffing out of a pillow is good. Have you looked for a breavement group? The one I belong to has men and women and we all cry together, it IS manly to cry. You have been given a raw deal and it is going to take all the strength you have to get through but you will get through if you believe that God will help. Have you read the poem "Footsteps"?"When there was only one set of foot steps, that's when I carried you". Have faith Dave and hold you son as tight as you can. We all care for you and send you love. Keep in touch, promise!

Dave - Mav's advice is sound. If you haven't yet found a bereavement group, I urge you to do so. Even if you don't think you have the time. I've found it to be very helpful.

Is there anyone that can assist you making arrangements for your son? I've started to take advantage of some of my friends that said "If you need anything. . . " and it is really helping me. My sons are a bit older than yours is so I imagine it is easier in my case but perhaps you have a trusted friend or family member that can take the lead in setting up care arrangements.

I wanted to run away also. I think I did for a time mentally but others picked up the slack for me.

While your grief is personal, you aren't alone in your experience. You can navigate your way through this but it is the most crushing experience you will ever encounter.

If you think it would be helpful shoot me an email.
Best wishes, Doc

so very sorry! it must be so hard
I hope you keep posting when you can

Just to keep me mindful of how my son is being affected, he told me this morning of a bad dream he had last night. A monster came and ate Mommy, after which the monster ate him. Then a ghost came and took his Blanky away. (He has a favorite blanky that he brings to bed, it's a symbol of security for him.) "But it was just a dream, Daddy." If only this whole situation was just a dream and that someday we will wake up.

At first he would dream about going to the beach with Mommy, giving her hugs, happy memories. That is beginning to change, as it probably should as he works through the reality that his Mommy, his security, has been taken away. At least he is open and willing to talk to me about it but it still breaks my heart. It's going to be a tough summer.

Dave, enroll him in a grief camp for a week or so, where he can be with other kids who have lost a parent. He feels all alone right now, plus he feels helpless to console you - he needs to get away for awhile.

If you can't find such a camp, send him to a kid's ranch for a week or so. He just needs time to think - right now he's totally confused, angry and scared.

Dave, here is a google search for camps for grieving children:

Here is a link that might be useful: Google.com + camps

Just an opinion...Dave, I think you said your boy is 4. I think that's awfully young to send a child away to camp under any circumstances. We have a place called Fernside in town for grieving children, but it's local, I believe. I think they have classes for kids, but only for a couple hours for the younger ones. Maybe your counselor can recommend something specifically for your boy. My best to you.