My mother had an aunt who lived in South Dakota and according to family lore was married to a "charming ne'er do well." When my mom was around 8 or so, so this would be around 1925 or 1926, her father decided to go up there to get her, taking the train to what must have been the back of beyond to people from Chicago. To keep food on the table her aunt was a cook for the crews that came through harvesting wheat, and when they got to whatever town it was where the family lived, they found a post office/general store, a tavern, a silent movie house and a gas station and that was about it. Water for the town came from a town well, and while the businesses had electricity, most of the residences didn't. My grandfather pronounced the place unfit for habitation and promptly packed up the family (minus the ne'er do well") and brought them back to Chicago. My mom always talked about how when they got back to the house in Chicago, the family was so fascinated by the toilet they kept flushing it over and over again.

Hi ros and all, well aunt got the death sentence a few days ago, stage 4 Grioblastoma (sp?). We are all very devastated. I talked to her yesterday and she is like me, a straight talker. She doesn't want to be pitied or for anyone to pretend that it's not as serious as it is. It is so much easier for me to talk to realists. So, we talked about how she's getting bombarded with people wanting her to go the natural route and how some friends are claiming she will be cured with a certain kind of tea. She is very overwhelmed with the choices on cancer treatment centers as well. I do know the FDA just approved the Novo TTF cap that can be used 12 hours a day after the initial hit of chemo and radiation, we talked about that and how there is a possibility to buy her some time, save some brain cells and have some better life quality. The U.S studies are conservative with a small study group of less than 300 but still seem to offer some good, the Israeli studies (where invented) go back to 2007 and show an improved life span and in some cases shrinking tumors. So, at least there is something although no cure. As far as we know there is only one trial going on at the moment for her multi tumor brain cancer type. She has close to two weeks before she can start anything due to waiting for the biopsy area to heal. They are taking her off the steroids but I have no idea why. Her speech is getting slurred and she has trouble with balance/ walking but this was there before biopsy and is not a result of...just getting worse and moving fast. I'm still very upset that rotten murderous people are walking the earth healthy and she is sooo good but so ill. A few weeks ago she was sitting in my kitchen, normal, laughing and having a drink.

I think their questions are perfectly normal..they are probably still putting together in their heads what a "family" is. I can totally relate to your situation having raised SD fulltime since a toddler and also eventually having biological children with DH..this is how I handled it and I think it has turned out well (she is now 11) first, I explained to her that families can come to be in many ways, some children live with both their biological parents and some dont and one is not less than the other, blood doesnt make you a family it is the time spent together, the loving and the taking care of one another that makes you a family. As far as questions go about when she was little and I wasnt around (and I got many, thats why I think your girls are right on target) it really depended on the question..if she asked was she a cute baby I repied "of course you were a beautiful baby, here lets go look at a picture of when you were a baby.." I also made an effort to learn as many stories about her when she was an infant, and about her birth for times when things like that came up..when she asked what time she was born I told her the time..when she asked if she cried a lot as a baby I started off with let me tell you a funny story grandma told me about when you were a baby and you cried.... I gues what I am trying to say is that I have always tried to answer all her questions that I can while still making sure that she knew she had a BM.....there was one I couldnt answer when my DD was born...she wanted to know if she was nursed like her little sister..I told her no and she asked why?.... i had no idea so i told her she would need to ask BM that question next time she saw her....there are some things you cant answer and thats ok too.... This will be a tough transition for them with a new baby coming...one thing that I told SD when our biological child was born and she was upset that she wasnt my biological child was that she was sooo very special because I didnt get to choose my biological children but I did get to choose to be her SM...and I chose to be her SM because I loved her so much....that was back when she was 6 and even to this day she will still pop up and declare proudly that her mama(she calls me mama and BM mom whole nother story..) got to choose her.....I think it made her feel special when she was feeling a bit left out..and i think it still makes her feel special...... another thing we did was stuck to the names everyone in our extended family already had whe nwe had biological children....I think it was awise choice because all three of kiddos call nana the same thing and no one is "different"

I agree with the others. Why would your aunt want to put a barrier between father and son? That would be simply cruel. If your aunt feels guilty, tell her to confide in a minister or counselor and NOBODY ELSE. Telling her husband would only cause him pain. The guilt is the price of her action and she must deal with it herself, not inflict it on others.