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What are the pitfalls?

20 years ago

At long last, I am going to be a first time grandma. There must be some obvious pitfalls - what to say, buy, do or not say,buy do etc.

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Comments (5)

User
20 years ago
Don't do something for the first grandchild, that you can't do for the rest.
londondi
20 years ago
I agree with AdellaBedella. My mother-in-law started to needlepoint christmas stockings for her early grand children. My oldest 2 daughers received them, but by the time our youngest came, she had too many to do, so she stopped. My youngest really felt left out. Fortunately, my mom smocked all of the girls Christmas stockings, so those were the ones we used. To be fair, my mother-in-law now has 34 grandchildren, and 6 great grand children. My youngest daughter was #11. She stopped early in the game.
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'When he returns to rehab, my friend is going to need emotional support. I'm really baffled to know what to say. I know just listening is what is probably needed most, but how do I just listen without saying something?' That's the hard bit. When my mother had a bit of free time when her 5 kids had gone to school, she thought she might try her hand at becoming a councillor. She joined a group, headed by a councillor or maybe be was a psychiatrist. I can't remember. He explained that what they had to do, as councillors, was to listen. No talking. They were not to talk. They had to be quiet. The person with the problem was to do the talking, not them. So, the training started. He had them sit there, being silent. And then he asked them questions. (According to my mother.) My mother could not resist answering the questions. And she never became a councillor. I was telling my friend about this and my friend somewhat disagreed with the councillor/psychiatrist. My friend thought that sometimes we can suggest things to help. But I agree with the councillor/psychiatrist. The fact is, we know what we should do. And if someone tells us, then we can feel patronised. The definition of the the word patronise (she said, hoping not to sound patronising) is 'treat with an apparent kindness which betrays a feeling of superiority'. I looked up some synonyms for 'patronise' because I tend to over-use that word, but the definition was so nice that I wanted to include it here. I think that it's soooooo important never to come across that way, especially to someone who is going through something.
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gandbb
Original Author
20 years ago
Good Point. I was thinking about setting up a college fund, but I certainly couldn't do that if more come along. My daughter may have a second child and that would have been manageable, but I forgot that I still have a son at home who hasn't even started dating.
Vickey__MN
20 years ago
Don't get into the habit of always buying them things, think more of "making memories" than buying things. We do lots of projects (Bailey is 3 now and we do crafts and bake cookies often). I don't remember much my grandparents bought for me, but I remember going to the zoo with my grandma (she did a sommersault when she was in her 60's, and I remember craft projects with my other Grandma). That's what I want to give my grandkids..memories.

Vickey-MN
lindac
20 years ago
Memories are good....but so is buying things! It's a grandma's great pleasure to buy a grand child something his heart desires but it totally impractical and expensive.
I remember my oldest was pining for Air Jordans....but my daughter said they didn't need to spend $75 on new tennsi shoes ( that tells you how long ago that was!).
I told him I would buy him any tennis shoes he wanted ( he was about 8).....and we ended up spending about $50 on something very different.
I remember taking my grand daughter shopping and to lunch.....and we ate hot fudge sundaes for lunch....because when you are with Grandma you can do anything.....and another time when I was staying with my son's 3 boys for about 5 days.....and we went to Mc Donalds for dinner every night, and swimming afterward....because we could.
Another time I told the twins I didn't know what they wanted for their birthdays....and they told me a list of miscalleanous stuff.....and I suggested a shopping trip and I would allow them to spend each a certain amount...
So we went to Toys R Us ...their choice and I spent a generous amount....but it was very interesting...some toys they agreed to get to share....but other things they weren't about to share. One wanted a fairly nice watch $20 LOL! but the other didn't want any such thing.
It was a lesson in what to share and really thinking about whay you want.
So giving them things can be good, but so can baking cookies, making any kind of pizza you want.....even peanut butter and marshmallow.
Also know that grandmas get older.....and while you could have turned summersaults with one 15 years later you may no longer to be able to do that.
Just enjoy!
Linda C

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