Hi, I think we're going to have to presume a "worst case scenario" here for the sake of argument, to get at the roots of this dilemma, and clarify the issues. (But we can certainly hope for the best!) Worst case scenario: Daughter tells you ---for whatever reason (BM interference or her own personal feelings)--- "no way", she won't consider inviting them and she wants only you there. Your decision now is whether or not you go solo. I feel very strongly that you should, and I'm going to explain why via responding to your list of concerns one by one: "1 - My fiancee is very family oriented and has gone out of her way to bring us together as a family" That's fantastic, and to me is evidence that this situation ---even in the worst case scenario--- will work out fine b/c if she's very family-oriented she will understand that you need to go to your daughter's wedding with or without her, as this is an extremely important day for her and b/c your kids have recently expressed their need for you to be there for all of them. I don't think I need to tell you that if you, as her father, were not present for her wedding, especially after the recent conversation about "being there" in general, that would definitely spell the end of that relationship at great loss to you and she. But it is not going to spell the end of what sounds like a great relationship with fiancee and kids if they don't go. It's the most important day of your daughter's life but one family function out of many to come with your fiancee and her kids. "2 - If my fiancee finds out that she and her kids were not invited, my fear is that she would feel rejected and possibly think it was her and call off our future so that I can be closer to my kids." Again, I really don't think that's going to happen, based on how family-oriented she is. And the way she feels about it can be somewhat modified by how you present it to her and what you do for her to ensure that even if she feels rejected *by your daughter* that she is not rejected by *you*. You might even be able to soften the blow of rejection altogether (i.e. "ex-wife's relatives are being crusty and old-fashioned about this and don't consider fiancee part of the 'family' until you're married...it's nothing personal", or "the guest list was made a long time ago and they can't change it" or "this wedding won't be the last chance we'll have to be together as a family and forge family bonds"). Yes, she'll probably still be able to detect that there's opposition to her being there behind whatever excuse you give, but then she has a choice: push it or not? A matter, for her, of picking battles. She's still relatively new in this situation and also would be well aware that if she pushes coming, she would be putting you in the same "middle" spot of having to choose that others may be attempting to do. She's most likely not going to want to do that, nor take the gamble that an ultimatum will fail. She'll probably decide to let this one roll off and do her best to form family bonds at future functions. And then you can further help the situation by encouraging/arranging plenty of those future family functions. "3 - My kids seem to like my fiancee but have not gotten close to my fiancee's kids" What are the age differences? Also, if they haven't seen each other but a few times, and never alone, they probably haven't had the chance to build bonds just yet. Especially because the blending of families is always an ambivalent thing and takes plenty of time. As I wrote above, this wedding will not be the only chance for the new family members to be together and grow closer. "4 - No, I did not have an affair with my fiancee before I divorced. I think my ex-wife still have not gotten over the divorce nor admits we had problems while we were married for 19 years. She has also stated that she doesn't ever want to meet my fiancee." Well, that is her issue to deal with. Hopefully she will be an adult and not continue to pressure her daughter to make an "either/or" choice which bio parent she wants at the wedding, thereby also setting the stage for others to possibly insist you make such a choice. Maybe BM will remove herself from the equation if she really can't handle co-existing at the same geographical location for the sake of her daughter's important rite of passage. But unfortunately we can't count on her rising to this level and certainly not her backing out. So you have to make a firm decision on what you will do regardless of what BM does. 5 - Yes, I'm paying a large portion of the wedding but this is not a leverage that I care to use - it is not a financial exercise. To me, it is all about bringing together my old and new family as closely as possible. I desperately need this.... I really hope your daughter and/or BM will be gracious adults and not exclude their soon-to-be-new family. But even if they refuse, this one event is not the last chance ever to bond, and is not insurmountable as a slight if you handle it well and make an effort to be as inclusive as possible in the future. Remember: your daughter's exclusionary behavior in this instance doesn't have to keep YOU from being all-inclusive. Hopefully, it might even encourage her to be more inclusive in the future, once she sees how welcoming you and fiancee are to her and those bonds continue to be formed over time.

I snooped over the weekend... okay, I cleaned SD's desk because it was a horrible mess with papers sticking out of drawers. No, there is no suspicion on drugs, etc. I don't need to be suspicious of drugs... and I sure the hell don't have to toss the room if I suspect drugs! I can look at a kid and tell when they are high. There's no suspicion about it.... I know my kids! (and they can't lie to me... well, they can lie but I can tell when they are lying and I know BS when I hear it!) and I wasn't 'searching' for anything incriminating... I found a couple of notes she probably wouldn't want anyone to see... but then she shouldn't be writing that kind of stuff and leaving it in such a mess. I also found several pages of homework that she had claimed she turned in... not done and shoved in a drawer. She has three weeks of school left and has decided all of a sudden to stop turning in her homework. (Of course I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with her mom's claim that she's failing in school so custody should be changed so she won't fail in school... I'm sure a mom wouldn't tell a kid to fail on purpose so she can gain custody!) I don't know where parents that give kids a right to expectation of privacy are coming from.... I just don't get that! No, a kid should not feel violated... but they do not have a right to privacy the way an adult does. When they have a job, when they pay the bills, when they have their OWN place, then they have a right to expect privacy! Until then, they are dependent on the parents and they have no rights. I grew up knowing my parents could search any part of their house at any time. I guess if I was going to do something wrong, I had better learn to hide it somewhere else. It would have been easy if I knew that my room was off limits to searches... I could have hid bodies in there! Mutual respect? Parents are supposed to be in charge and superior to children. There is a hierarchy in parent/child relationships that seems to be fading in our society. Children respect parents... and grandparents. But, that seems to be falling to the wayside and now we need agencies to protect parents and grandparents from kids that don't respect them and take advantage of them or abuse them. It is disgusting to me how many kids talk crap to their parents in public and I'm convinced that it's because these kids are made to feel they are entitled to be treated as if they are equal to an adult and that their wants are more important. I cannot imagine ever demanding my parents buy me something and if I asked and they said they can't afford it, that I would tell them "well you spent $XX on yourself!" as if I'm entitled because they spent their own money on themselves. That would NEVER happen in my youth but I hear that stuff all the time from kids today!

LWO's layout is better on all counts. The zones are more separated and none have crossing path conflicts. Yours all do. And a corner sink you're suggesting is a huge pain. It's the choice of last resort for a tiny kitchen. Yours is anything but that. Why do you "need" uppers on either side of the range hood? Your inspiration pic doesn't have them and it looks fine. You can fit everything you need for spices etc. into lower cabinets. Especially with that continent in the middle of the space. The island is too large proportionately to the rest of the kitchen and it dwarfs even the 48" range. It needs to become shorter, but especially, shallower. You'll never be able to clean the middle of it unless you use a sponge mop otherwise. If a drive towards that functionality killer "symmetry" is driving these non functional layouts, then you need to drop back and actually analyze the two window layout. It will be very easy to make the range the symmetrical focal point between two windows, even if it's not perfectly centered on that back wall. Add in a built in MW cabinet to the counter next to the fridge. Then the range will be perfectly centered between the remaining space between the tall objects and the wall to the right. I'd also suggest centering the cleanup sink on the wall to the left since that appears to be important visually to you. It's not clear as to whether or not the wall to the right is a solid wall or merely a construction line. If a construction line, it could add some interest to create the arched opening that is in the pic with the range on the exterior wall. That adds in some visual separation that will help to define the space, yet allow it to remain physically open. Remember, "centering" isn't the same thing as symmetry. Balance, proportion, positive space and negative space, also factor into the equation as well. You're getting hung up on "matchy matchy" centering, and that's detracting from the functionality, and also the true balance of the elements in the space. Or maybe jettison this home plan entirely in favor of something that has more overall style emphasis on equilateral symmetry such as a center hall Colonial or Foursquare.

Eh, I'm not finding a great deal of love for this design. The out-front garage that "starts" beyond the porch is going to overshadow the rest of the house. I know that pie-shaped lots can necessitate pushing the garage forward, but this is pretty extreme. Your porch and the rest of the house will be in the shadow of the garage. I wonder if you could win this game by going with a detached garage -- connected to the house with a breezeway. That could also allow you more windows in your public rooms. I'd move the washer/dryer to the side of the room so the dryer could vent directly outside. Of course, this means it'd vent onto the front porch. The concept of the workroom is nice, and I'm sure the garage's location is why you placed it here ... but I think it'd work better at the back of the house; it seems like more of a casual room. I've seen such a foyer, and it isn't my taste. To me, it feels like you don't have enough separation between the door and the great room -- like you're walking straight into the living room. However, if you've seen one and love it, you know what you're choosing. I am concerned about the size of the great room. You'll need walkways on all four sides, and minimal walkways will leave you about 12x12 for furniture placement -- the same amount of space as your smallest bedroom. Are these little lines windows or doors? I'd be most concerned about the ones in the dining room. If those are doors, you won't be able to access them easily once a table is in place. I do think the dining room is big enough for company. I like the suggestion to switch the master bedroom and the media room. I am completely ambivalent about closets opening from bathrooms ... but this one is arranged poorly. This concept works when the closet is near the door of the bathroom -- in this case, you have to walk the full length of the bathroom to reach the closet. And it means you'll have to thread your way through the kitchen, the bedroom, and the bathroom with clean clothes. The laundry-to-closet pathway is too complicated for convenience, especially for someone who's just had a hip replacement. The closets across the house aren't 'specially well thought-out. Though you clearly like walk-ins, several of these aren't wide enough to give storage on both sides ... which means you're spending the square footage for a walk-in but are only getting the storage space of a reach-in. You mentioned you have lots of stuff to store, and since you want to shove it into the garage, I'm thinking it's not stuff you want to access frequently? Do you have attic access anywhere in this house? It's a deep house, which will necessitate a large, expensive roof. If you're going to pay for that roof, you should have a way to access the storage it can provide. On the subject of depth, have you considered truss sizes? In the media room, if you lose the closet and move the built-ins to the inside wall, you can have windows on three sides -- which would be lovely. But then this best-lit room in the whole house would be the one in which you'd least want glare on the TV. Since your adult children live in the area and rarely spend the night, I wonder why you're dedicating two bedrooms to overnight guests. PLUS you have the workroom and the media room. I think I'd go with ONE guest room, and use the other bedroom as a media room (saving some square footage and lowering the budget). In the future, if it ever needs to be a bedroom, you could convert it. Similarly, with few overnight guests, why not skip the powder room and open the secondary bedrooms' bathroom to the hall? It's a big budget saver. On the positive side, I do like the kitchen layout. Simple, uncluttered, good pantry. Finally, about your current house -- you say that the modifications you chose didn't work out well. Why? I ask because you certainly don't want to repeat past mistakes. Did you jump into them without adequate research? Did you "go too trendy"? You're making some unconventional choices here, and you don't want to end up feeling the same way about this house that you do about your current house. Analyzing where you went wrong could be the path to getting it right this time.