Any solutions to a fear of entertaining/cooking for guests?
bnicebkind
17 years ago
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lydia1959
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agosudiepav
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
The constant entertainer...any tips?
Comments (53)at the risk of being pretty unpopular, i'd like to post this response. for those concerned about using actual dishware vs. paper...actual resources go into heating the water in the dishwasher (coal, electricity, etc), rinsing your dishes, and not to mention the expense of keeping fats, oils, and grease (FOG) out of your sewage treatment plant (STP). just like your food does not come from the 'grocery store', nor does your water. we're all probably drinking water that's been 'recycled', that is...it's already been in and come out of someone else. (gross way to put it). most likely your STP is in need of an upgrade and would appreciate not having as much water to treat, especially before a big rain. you know, there is (and always will be) a finite amount of usable drinking water on this planet. on the other hand, use of paper products supports the paper industry, puts bleach and other chemicals into water (but then so does our dishwater), cuts down trees, fills up the landfills (into future compostable product i might add). so there are two sides to every story. choose whichever is right for you and your situation, try to minimize your impact when you can, and have fun while you're doing it. same argument with new moms using disposible diapers vs. washable. no disrespect intended, just that there are different sides to every dilemma....See MoreYour Worst Guest(s)
Comments (22)Okay, well, with some details changed just in case ... The one I am still steamed about is that brunch for 70 people I just gave. To make a LONG story a little shorter, the whole point had been to solve a difficult problem for the family having a big event: the parents have recently divorced, and the problem was that the extended families would be holding separate "auxilliary" events during the weekend, and where would the guests of honor go? I offered to give the Sunday brunch for all the out of towners, on the "neutral territory" of our home, and that way they could all come. That was over a year ago. Less than three weeks before the event, I asked the divorced dad about how many kids/adults to expect (I already knew the total of 70). He began, "Well, my kids won't be there. They will be with [ex-wife's] family." ???? "But," I said, "I thought the whole point of our giving the party was so that everyone could be together." "I know, but [ex-wife] and her family said no." (Good thing thing this was on the phone and he couldn't see my astonished face.) Well, I thought, at least it won't be so many people. But he confirmed -- 70. (I.e., he had known all along, before it was too late to make other plans, that it would just be his family and friends. He also clearly was not surprised at my surprise. He knew we were still operating under the original assumption.) At the end of the call, I asked, "Remind me again -- why are we doing this at our house?" "Well, your house is a lot nicer." !!!!!!! The brunch was not hard, not too expensive (although even inexpensive for 70 people adds up to a substantial amount) and it was lots of fun. My kidz and husband and I enjoyed doing it as a family project. The guests were lovely and gracious -- I got nice notes from several. But I feel very much that he took advantage of us. We offered to do this to help them out of a sticky situation, not to take over the work and expense of his entertaining for him. It's as if we'd offered to give a couple a wedding, and then 3 weeks before one of them said, "We eloped, so you'll give me a birthday party instead." I think he had the responsibility to tell us as soon as he knew that the "everybody" brunch idea wouldn't work. I don't by any means think that hospitality and generosity should be equally reciprocal. But you can't just ALWAYS be on the receiving end. No matter how different circumstances are, you can always do SOMETHING nice for someone else. We have done a LOT of nice things for this guy and his family, and he has NEVER reciprocated in any way. This took the cake -- I'm done. Believe it or not, I really do like him. But he has got to learn not to be such a 100% taker! (And he isn't going to learn it from ME.) He didn't even invite us to all the other events of the weekend. By the way, the ex-wife, who we also like a lot, was TERRIFIC about everything -- she invited us to everything she did, she and the children (although not their out of town guests) and she did make the effort to come to our brunch and were delightful, and she even took me shopping at Sam's Club for the food. I think she felt really bad; she hadn't known this was going on. The worst actual guest I've ever had was my friend's wife. They and their (adorable) kidz were here for a few days, and I didn't think I'd survive. She is SO MEAN!!!!! Especially to my pal. We were all on edge all the time. The last evening, we had spent the day at the State Fair. It wasn't easy to please her there, either, but it was fine. As we drove home, I was really, really tired -- so exhausted I just couldn't wait to collapse. What about dinner? I said I'd figured that we were all tired, so we'd just order a pizza or go out somewhere in the neighborhood for something easy and light. "No," she said, "I think we should stay home and make some chicken breasts for the adults and some buttered pasta with fresh broccoli for the kids." I screamed internally -- hadn't I just said I was too tired to shop and cook, let alone two menus? -- but all I said was sorry, that we couldn't have both butter and chicken at the same meal anyway (not kosher), and wouldn't pizza or something be okay? No. Sigh. All right. Whatever. We got home and I found some frozen mixed vegetables, including some broccoli, in the freezer, and some fresh carrots. Would either of those be okay? "No, I had really pictured fresh broccoli." I couldn't believe her gall, and my friend was so mortified, but we all knew better than to argue with her. Anyway, at that point, tired as I was, I actually PREFERRED getting in the car to go get the %^$#!! fresh broccoli, just to get AWAY from her. I was so stressed that the grocer took one look at me and asked me if I was okay. He felt so sorry for me he gave me a can of salmon! Thanks for listening!...See MoreLesson in Entertaining from a guests view
Comments (46)Sounds like she wasn't prepared at all. I hope that she learns from it instead of deciding to opt out of holding huge gatherings. My comments below probably will sound really ignorant, but, believe me, I don't mean to be... it's just that I'm very bold and say things straight out. After months of offering help when I had the time they called me three days before in a panic. I was out of town on vacation due to arrive home the day of their party. So what did you do to help? At one point during the party I looked up to see the host who was still in jeans and a ratty t-shirt (it was a cocktail attire party) peppering dishes of food and adding olive oil. Clearly she wanted the food to taste good. But, at some point it's time to mingle and enjoy your guests. It doesn't make for a fun party when guests watch the host running around. She ran out of time getting so much ready herself she never got to change. It was sad because they have her in jeans and her husband in shorts in family photos where everyone is in shirts, ties, and dresses. Being a friend who was asked for help 2 days prior, why didnt you say something like "Here, let me take care of this while you go up and change. It might help to make you feel more relaxed." If she protests, I would say something like "Hey! What are friends for? This is my way of helping you out." But, to make it clear as a guest I as well as my husband were the perfect guests. We mingled. We raved over the food. We never once gave a clue that we were dying inside for our friends wishing that we could do something. But, after an initial "Is there anything we can do to help" (after doing what I could for two days from vacation and arriving home to help that day) we were told to go and enjoy ourselves. We were guests we were told. So we did so. You were the perfect guests. If you're a friend and were "dying inside for our friends wishing that we could do something", why didnÂt you anyways, especially since she called you two days prior. I should add I do this for a business. So I guess when I am sitting back and see what went wrong it is hard for me. Especially when they didn't want help then call me two days before begging for it. If they were a client I would have fired them along the way! :) Again! "call me two days before begging for it"Â what did you do? How did you help? Obviously, from what youÂve stated that was all wrong with the party, you must not have helped much. You do this for a business and youÂre a friend? Again, I apologize if I've offended you. It is not my intent. It's just that you have failed to mention your part in this, if any... seeing that she had asked for your help. Your post was very informative. A person also needs to learn what "type" of help to ask for. Whether it be a caterer, bartender, decorator, etc....See MoreRECIPE: Fear of entertaining/cooking for others. Solutions?
Comments (2)I think this probably has been answered at Entertaining so I'll just put my answer here. I don't fear serving people food. Everyone I entertain is a friend & I often don't use tried & true recipes. Most of the time they turn out well. Friends are not going to hate you or make fun of you if something doesn't turn out well. Don't get too complicated & do recipes that can mostly be made ahead until you're more comfortable. Anyone who gives you a hard time over something that doesn't turn out too well is not anyone you want to have anything to do with anyway, right? Would you do that to someone else? I didn't think so. Simple recipes prepared with good ingredients won't be snubbed, just don't do anything over your head until you're more confident....See Moregellchom
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