How do you stay motivated? Well lizzardly, first, you've got to get your priorities straight...See, husbands come and husbands go, but how often do you see a free bathtub you could make that pond out of you've always wanted?!!! Think about it..... Just kidding, of course. I know how you feel. My DH and I are opposite in the same way y'all are. Have you ever read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? It can help you understand what he really means. It can help you communicate with him better too. It's hard to give advice without knowing both of you, and it makes a difference the way he says it too, but the thing that helped me is- don't take it personally. Think of it as if a friend or neighbor had said the same thing. That way you get all the other issues out of the way and fast foreward to the problem at hand. Keep believing in yourself. Don't let him squish your ideas or convince you it's a waste of time. You were working, plus you did all that work around the house, you earned the right to play with a little junk and discover the creative side of yourself without a big hassle, now that you have a little time, before you die. Guys do like to think they're being helpful, maybe you could find some project for him to work on. And sometimes they are right. There may actually be too many tree roots in the yard to sink a bathtub in. Maybe he could help you figure out how to build a raised platform or partially bury your pond or put planted pots or rocks around the bathtub or make a pond out of something else. Keep an open mind. Sometimes you just have to ignore the nay-sayers and forge ahead. I like to make my own mistakes, too. Otherwise I'll always be thinking something could have been different. But he didn't help when you were working on the house, why does he feel like you need his advice now that you want to enjoy your self a little. Does he have a hobby/interest? You may have to do some things when he's busy with something else. Now, what actually motivates me is- wanting to see what something will look like. Also, I want to use the things I've collected and carried around all these years, and clear out the rest. I find as I get older, it's better to get up and get interested in sometning rather then sit in a chair and think about how bad I feel, and be thankful I still can, quite a motivation. It is very comforting in more ways than one, to have something to work on. I like happy endings. Hope you get that pond and I hope you learn to play nice together. Hang in there. Donna

I may be a bit late in chiming in on this, but here goes... I've been a participant in two community gardens in two different cities, and I agree that people are more willing to participate if it's split into sections for each participant to care for their own plants, and grow what will work for them. Point blank, why would I want to put my time and effort into a garden that produces a) things I won't eat, b) things I won't GET to eat because they are delicious, and others get to them first, perhaps because I have a tight schedule and can't get there in time? Signing up for 2 hours a week per person may be too broad a spectrum for people to adhere to, especially for a garden. There are so many fluctuations throughout a season, various tasks that may need more or less than two hours, and so many different schedules for each member for this style of gardening to truly work, IMO. Regarding caring for the garden as a whole, both gardens I've attended have had scheduled quarterly "garden clean up days," and the manager of these gardens has made sure that each participant puts in the required amount of time for the year. If you don't, you may be kicked out. Beyond that, it's the responsibility of each member to maintain their plot, and the immediate surrounding area throughout the year. A few things to note: The first community garden I was a member of had people who volunteered to do things they enjoyed: caring for the compost heap that all contributed to; setting up traps for gophers, and giving lessons during the scheduled volunteer hours for others to set up/maintain their own traps. Scheduled volunteer hours can be/are: 1.. A time for everyone to come together and clean up the areas that aren't a part of the individually allotted spaces. 2. A great opportunity for members to meet their gardening neighbors who have different schedules. 3. Discuss any issues that are occurring in the garden. These may range from pest problems to negative things like stealing (my current community garden is very large and this has been an ongoing problem). 4. A great opportunity for members to share their experiences with others. I personally think, if the style of garden is changed to an "individual space within the whole," it will work much better in the end, and be truly successful. I love being a part of my community garden, and having a space where I get to grow what my family eats. Sorry if I've rambled, but I'm passionate about getting back to the basics of growing my own, and a community garden is the ONLY way I get at this point in my life to experience and participate in what I feel is a dying art... I really hope you are able to work out the issues you're finding in your new community garden to make it work in the long run!

Here are just some thoughts I'm throwing out there, not really trying very hard to make them coherent. I have one teen, he's 15, and a 12 y/o. While they give me small to medium frustrations, nothing big- yet ;o). I think it's naive to think he's not being motivated by anything. He may not be motivated to work hard or take responsibility. But he's getting a payoff of some sort to be lazy and irresponsible; it's working for him. As a parent, I would make it not work for him anymore. How old is he? Maybe he does feel overwhelmed by his responsibilities. As adults, the life of a 15 y/o looks pretty easy and we might think "overwhelmed by what?!" But, still, when you're 15, the life of a 15 y/o is the hardest thing you've ever done, so it's relative. Maybe he needs some guidance managing his "life" so he can succeed. Success is a good motivator, a little taste of it can make a kid want to work for more. My own 12 y/o has always been an A student, but had Fs in 2 subjects (including his usual strongest) on the last progress report. I was floored, but he felt even worse. He had made a couple big mistakes, messed up a test, lost a couple assignments, and suddenly he felt so far behind that he thought he'd never catch up so he sort of quit trying. He broke down and cried to me "I just want the whole world to stop moving so I can catch up!" I was speechless, who hasn't felt that way? Of course he needs to learn how to recover from that kind of feeling. He had to believe he could get back on track. A couple failing grades made him start to believe he was a failure, so he actually started acting like one, that's all it took. Maybe he doesn't see how what he's supposed to do connects to real life. A lot of teens feel that way about school work. Maybe sitting down and looking at college entrance requirements or scholarship requirements would make him think about his choices. Household duties need to connect to his freedoms/priveleges. If he's old enough, maybe he needs a job and responsibility for certain expenses that are important to him (driving= paying insurance; cell phones have a bill). I haven't met a teenager yet who is not motivated by money, or lack of it. If he is given spending money, it should stop until he fulfills his obligations. It can be a deal, a contract. Do this, you get this much. Don't, you get nothin'. That is life. Money doesn't come in just for hanging around watching TV. When he does do the work, take responsibility, be proud, make him feel proud of himself for a job well done. Maybe there is more going on that simply "lazy teenager syndrome." Have they ruled out emotional issues, depression? Family or personal stress? My own kids are motivated so far just by the desire to meet expectations, to know they've reached a goal. The key to that, though, is realistic expectations. On occassion, the goal we/they set is too high or too low. When DS's goal is too low, that's all he does, exactly what it takes to get there and nothing more, even if he is capable. I have a cousin who really struggled as a teen. Recently, he said to me that looking back, he feels one problem was that no one in his life had any expectations of him. They expected nothing, so that's what he gave them, why do any better? Then again, if expectations are unreasonable, unattainable, it's setting a kid up for failure; once they know that, they won't even try. Maybe lack of motivation results from lack of personal goals. Not goals that someone else sets for him, but something he actually wants to earn/attain/achieve. It might seem superficial, he is a teen. But finding out what he wants and helping him see the path to get it, setting a goal, might be the key to motivation. I'm gonna stop rambling now, it's even getting hard to understand myself. Maybe something I said makes sense... or will lead to something that makes sense.

The newspaper issue is a hard one, isn't it? Yes on the craigslist. I would also send a flyer to all of your local vets because most have bulletin boards for such ads. Some areas have free weekly merchandiser papers they distribute to homes and businessness and that's a possibility. Ours has. Then report it to your local shelter or humane officer in case anyone should call there to see if it turned up.