Me too tina. One thing that I meant to list in my strengths is that I am very optimistic, to the point of having been called a "pollyanna". That can also be perceived as a weakness.

And some of my others...

I am very selfish with my alone time. If I don't get enough I am not pleasant to be with.

I can be critical of those with the same weakness that I have.

I have trouble asking for help and admitting I can't do it.

My coffee habit.

deedee99 - I think we were separated at birth!

I absolutely have to have my alone time and if I don't get it I'm not responsible for my snarkiness. (Well yes I am but...)

Coffee - I'm pretty sure that is a food group. If I read a study denouncing coffee I continue drinking it because I know that a month from now another study will show that it is good for you.

Having trouble asking for help - Although I am a stay-at-home-mom so obviously financial dependent on DH I am fiercely independent. I will never ask for help and if someone offers to help me with something I won't let them. I'm sure I sound like a two year old sometimes "Me do, me do". Even today my son offered to take the groceries in for me and instead of being gracious about accepting his help I told him that "No, I'll do it leave them". Perhaps that is what it is - learning to be gracious about asking or accepting help.

I think my most pronounced weakness is that when I am not working, I have become very lazy. Perhaps that is because I am closing in on 60 and just don't have the energy any more or maybe I am just bored. Once I start gardening or cleaning or whatever, I enjoy it. It is the getting started that is an issue!

Also, too much sugar.

Also, naturally disorganized which makes me nuts because I hate clutter and would love nothing better than to be one of those people who knows where everything is.

Sometimes short-tempered and easily annoyed, but working on that.

Gosh, I am thinking I could go on and on, but then that is another weakness-just close your mouth, Cynthia. ;)

Thank you Blfenton, I appreciate your kind words. This is a very thought provoking thread. Just in time for some New Year Resolutions.

tina & deedee,
I am also a very optimistic person but my snarkiness keeps it from reaching Pollyanna levels so I don't consider it a weakness. It was one of the things my DH mentioned when I asked him "what do you consider my strengths?"

As to asking for help, I am so much better about that and what a positive difference it makes. Five years ago when I threw a 50th party for my DH, a wanted/needed to do it alone because I wanted it MY way. A dear friend just stepped up and took care of something and I realized it was a win-win situation. She was pleased to help and it actually made my life easier. I sent her a thank you note later admitting I would NEVER ask for help but I was so, so grateful for it. That episode really made a difference because I realized how often people truly want to help with something and it's a actually a kindness to let them. Now when my sister & family visit for the month I gratefully allow them to cook meals, and more importantly, clean them up. Years ago I would have insisted on doing it all and exhausting myself. Now I pull up a chair and a glass of wine and chat while they do it. I highly recommend it to others who won't ask for help, or worse, won't accept help that is offered. I have the time to type this now since I was willing to let them clean up after dinner.

I have many, many weaknesses, most which could be considered strengths under the right circumstances; unfortunately, the right circumstances occur 99% less often than than the wrong ones.

I can be blunt. Sometimes I'm not even aware of how blunt until it's brought to my attention. I usually acknowledge the elephant in the room when others usually want to ignore it.

I can be rigid. I envy those on here who seek out and find Craigslist deals. I usually have a specific idea in my mind about what I want and refuse to compromise. That's compromise in MY mind. I, therefore, spend much more money on my furniture than others.

I can be obsessive. When I decide I want a new whatamacallit, I will research for weeks/months until I narrow it down to just 3 different versions of whatchamallits, then spend weeks mulling it over, until making a final decision.

I'm sometimes impatient with DH. I'm a person who needs a great deal of personal space and private time and since he retired....well, let's just say those things are at a premium.

I am controlling. I like to oversee all facets of whatever project is going on, as well as the placement of every single item in my world. I would be happy if everyone just took my suggestions, but I am (to me) unfairly subjected to a great amount of eye-rolling and exchanged glances in my family.

This is just a few. I'm afraid if I go into too much more, no one will want to read my posts.
Dee

I have a bad temper...it used to be much much worse but still...as was mentioned above...sorry only goes so far. I am working on it.

I am rigid in a lot of my opinions and I share these opinions in untactful ways. I am working on this too .

I talk too much when I should listen...I am better at this ...but...

I used to be a lot happier...I am pretty sad in general now a days. I too am pretty negative and have a hard time believing that anything is going to go right or be any good. 1/2 empty rather than 1/2 full is how I am now and I used to be just the opposite.

I am a perfectionist and tend to think my way is the best.I also complain to much.

I am controlling too.

I am obsessive. I am also compulsive.Both of these could be on the + or the - side..depends on when /what is going on.

I worry ...a lot.

I too have to have a LOT of time alone. I hate being interrupted .

I guess that is enough...again good thread and I am glad to read other posts. c

Gee whiz-I have only one more thing to add to your lists of weaknesses-----I think you are all way too hard on yourselves! :)

"I can be obsessive. When I decide I want a new whatamacallit, I will research for weeks/months until I narrow it down to just 3 different versions of whatchamallits, then spend weeks mulling it over, until making a final decision."

I do the same thing. Right now, my project is smartphones. I started the research questioning folks here and have yet to make a decision. I'm not sure this is a weakness though cause I usually end up making the perfect choice!

but then again, it took us six years to finish most of the house because I was so busy researching! LOL Maybe it has its pros and cons!

Trailrunner, (((arms around you))). I don't like to think of you as sad.

Anybody here see the connection between being a perfectionistic, control freak and also being a procrastinator? I qualify for all those traits and a wise therapist helped me make the connection. If I can't do it, can't do it perfectly, it goes in the procratination bucket. All of it for me stems from not having much inner self-confidence (thank you mom and dad -snicker snicker).

By being a perfectionistic controller, I won't accept your help, clearly let you
know (usually in passive/aggressive ways) that my solution is always better than yours, demean you in the process. In me, these characteristics
always serve to push people away from me. I learned that it shouldn't have come as any surprise to me that I felt lonely, unappreciated and victimized.

This therapist came into my life about 15 years ago and, although, I no longer work with her, she helped me start the needed steps to learn to let go. I now live with "imperfection", I don't have to control any/all things and
people...friendships matter a heck of alot more than homes and stuff. My life focus has shifted from having perfect surroundings and trying to be the perfect me, to being the me who has dramatically improved relationships with family and friends. It's been a tough journey but it's been the absolutely most rewarding one I'll ever undertake in life.

"Trailrunner, (((arms around you))). I don't like to think of you as sad."

I agree with Golddust, I always think of you as someone with such a full and busy life, so giving with your knowledge and helpful. I hope things get better soon and you know we are here if you need to open up about it. ((hugs to you))

First and foremost:

I LOVE you all. Really.

I almost didn't read this thread because I was afraid that so many wonderful people here would/could NOT have the same problems as me ....

... I am lazy and procrastinate. And I waited to add my answer to this thread! (that was a bit of gentle teasing ..... )

... I am negative. By Nature and By Nuture. Working on that one this year!

... I am critical. And getting far less tolerant of "idiotic" behaviour or thoughts by other people. Even in the news. Especially in this difficult economic time for so many people.

...I have a nuclear temper. Rather spectactular. But the usual behaviour is sharp and pointed sarcasm and criticism.

...I am jealous and envious. Working on those ones this year!

...I am uncomfortable and even frightened by many things that I simply can not control. Keeps me awake at night. Trying to breathe more deeply as I type this.

Year 2012 is the Year of the Dragon. Hoping for much less "dragging on" and far more positive stuff.

jmc, I really liked your post. I am working with a counselor and it is always helpful to hear that people really can change the way they think and feel.

teacats, love your (and everyone's) honesty!

trailrunner, hugs. I hope you will be feeling better soon.

OMG, I am all of you! I could have written almost every comment here. I guess we are all more alike than we knew.

2012 should be a great year for improvement for all of us.

Thank you for the sweet thoughts Lukki, golddust and nancy. I think cyn hit it on the head...we have all posted more to this thread than the postive one :( We are our own worst critics many times.

I am OK...just life creeping up and over sometimes. This too shall pass. I have been continuing with my meditating. I have a hard time keeping things in perspective...as DH says , "thank your lucky stars". He is right. We have a LOT to be thankful for.

I did post a long + note to the other thread the other day . Balance is the key and being willing to accept ones' self. To realize that as we accept ourselves as we are, we allow for growth and change, instead of self aggression where we say , " I hate this about myself and I need to change". I am SO glad that these 2 threads were started...I have learned a lot about myself and how much we all do have in common...we are not alone. c

Your welcome C, I hope it passes soon. When life creeps up on me, I just try to counter any negative thoughts I have with a positive one. Sometimes it isn't easy but like you said, we each have so much to be thankful for and one thing I learned along the way is there is always going to be someone else who has it worse than I do.

Trail, you are one hip chic! How does one go about teaching themselves to meditate? I had a book on this long ago where I was meant to sit cross legged and stare at a candle. I got discouraged because all I could feel was my back hurting. I know there must be better books for a beginner.

It seems like many of you even have kind of charming things as weaknesses ; )

I am on the surface pretty easy-going and happy but underneath i deal with a well-camouflaged boatload of anxiety. I'm good on a superficial social level, i'm well liked by the other school moms, i'm dependable, i don't gossip, i like being helpful, but I have a LOT of difficulty with letting myself rely on or trust anyone (holdover issues from a difficult childhood). So i have a lot of casual friendships but not many that i let become necessary to me. So ironically, in the midst of plenty, i stay kind of lonely.

I also oh! So! Very! have adhd, so my life is kind of a mad scramble most days. I work very hard to minimize the impact it has on my family, but it takes a toll on me to keep all the balls in the air. I need to get back on adhd meds because life is smoother, but i dont like what they do to my bloodpressure.

I have a gazillion unfinished projects.

And for some reason in the grocery store i always think i need to buy hunts tomato products. My husband laughs at the ridiculous number of them in the pantry. I sometimes write no can tomatoes on my grocery list.

I too am a procrastinator, and at times a perfectionist. Don't they often go hand in hand?
I also have very low self esteem for lots of reasons(bad childhood, abusive mom, then later a physically and verbally/emotionally abusive ex-husband), my dear DH tells me I am "my own worst enemy", meaning I guess, that I am much harder on myself than others are on me. I am working on the self esteem issue, it is a daily battle.
I also am probably lazy, although I often think that stems from my Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome issues.
Need to be looking for a part-time job, since recent medical issues have sent us reeling and caused a lot of unexpected expenses, hence... credit card debt. Hard to look for a job when you can barely drag yourself out of bed some days though.
I am so thankful for all of you here on this forum. Just checking in every day gives me hope.

jterrilynn/trailrunner, your comments about one teaching themselves to medicate made me giggle. DH has been self teaching himself how to meditate for years. He lasts a whole 3 minutes before I can hear him snoring! LOL It's a running funny in our house.

hugs to you, jennava. I hope things get better for you soon!

A couple places to look. A book called "Mindfulness in Plain English". Another thing that DH says is for anyone who is trying to learn you should attend a few sessions at local yoga/meditation centers...we don't do yoga but they often are taught in the same places.

Here is a link that is extremely helpful. It is called How to Meditate. DH says read this and get back to me ( aka him) since he is way more knowledgable than I am.

Also go on Youtube and listen to Pema Chodron's talks. There are a lot ranging from a couple minutes to longer of 10 minutes.

The other place is Insight Meditation Center.

http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/

They have a lot of info there and you can go to meetings at your local center if there is one . There is a specific site for beginners. You can Google Vipassana meditation and find places that are near to you . They are all done in the same general way and are very very good.

DH says bottom line is that you will really benefit from talking to someone that is already leading groups and teaching...but read the article below and then ask away.

I am so NOT a cool chick LOL...I worry and fret and have really poor self esteem...on and on...if it weren't for this forum some days...well I don't know where I would go or turn...thank you. c

Here is a link that might be useful: Vipassana How to meditate

OK all of those who have not posted your strengths do it right now!

Have I also mentioned that I am kind of bossy sometimes, maybe? It comes from being the eldest of 6.

Trailrunner, I know that you have posted and I just think it's really important that that is what you concentrate on first thing in the morning. It sounds like someone has been emotionally beating you up and I cyber-like you and hate to see that happen.
Last year I had someone do that to me and it affects everything about how you think about yourself. One of the reasons why I started the "strengths" thread is to get people to think about that side of themselves. It is so much easier to wallow in the negatives, as if there is something wrong or self-centered about being proud of our positives.

I firmly believe that we are all important and valuable people and should at least shout it out to ourselves and to believe in ourselves.

jenava: (((hugs))) and good luck on the job front. With your past life experiences and the fact that you got through it and are in a loving relationship shows us that you're a pretty strong person. Believe in that.

kiki thinking: Your comment about being lonely probably hits home with a lot of us. There was a thread about that not too long ago about how difficult it was to get and maintain friendships. Unfortunately, you're not alone in feeling that but perhaps knowing that you're not alone might help(?).

teacats: I hope for you and for me and for everyone here lots of positive stuff for 2012. After all, we all deserve it. (I think).

I think most of us here are all alike. Why else would we keep coming back? I've always thought that.

One of my worst weaknesses is I have a severe guilt complex. I don't know if it's because I look guilty or what. But I do know it stems from childhood. I could tell the truth on every lie detector test and fail. LOL.

AuntJen, you and I are a lot a like, but I can easily forgive if a person apologizes to me. I may not forget, but I can let it roll off my shoulders now.

bl..thanks for the vote of confidence . But no, noone has been hard on me ...but me. I am my own worst enemy. My upbringing was really really negative. I have posted before that my 2 oldest brothers committed suicide. It is not something that the rest of the family ever gets over. I am the type of person that 2nd guesses my decisions and has doubts about my choices. I am WAY better than I was 30 yrs ago and each year that passes I get better. But I am also a "fair weather " person.

DH said just tonight..."do you realize how much happier you are when DS2 and DIL are getting along with you and in their own lives ? " ...uh...yes I do.

The biggest reason I meditate is to give myself that " 2 second" space that you get in your brain..just time enough to make the decision to act or not...we can all access it...but whether we do or not is why the world goes on the way it does. If we can stop...2 seconds...then act or not...makes a world of difference.

Bl...thank you so much for posting ...your message means a lot. c

Nancybee and blfenton.. thank you for your hugs. Did not mean to derail the discussion.Just trying to sort out my weaknesses, and in doing that, maybe I used my chronic medical issues as an excuse not to job hunt.
I think maybe I should take Trailrunner's advice and learn to meditate.
I must keep telling myself over and over...everyone has doubts and insecurities, and not to let mine rule my life. I have survived much, and those dark days when I let my doubts overwhelm me, I need to concentrate on that.
I so appreciate this forum and the honesty and care that you all put forth. LONG LIVE THE KT folks!
Happy days to you all and may 2012 be one of your best!

Thank you Hip Chick Trail! I think this time around it may be easier for me to try to meditate. Although I haven't been doing my pilates I do have several years experience...it all comes out of the core. I can get into a zone just doing that so I'm thinking I may be better prepared.

jenn and jt....DH and I were talking again this AM. He wanted to know if anyone had responded to the suggestions of the book/articles. He also linked some more in my email. I will cut/paste below.

The particular readings he suggested are a great way to start. There is a certain "vibe" if you will that seems to be present when we meditate with others in our group. I don't know why but it really makes it easier when in a group. So think about seeking out others who are practicing.

[ PART I ]

The Basic Practice

Preparatory Stage

If you sincerely desire to develop contemplation and attain insight in this your present life, you must give up worldly thoughts and actions during the training. This course of action is for the purification of conduct, the essential preliminary step towards the proper development of contemplation. You must also observe the rules of discipline prescribed for laymen, (or for monks as the case may be) for they are important in gaining insight. For lay people, these rules comprise the Eight Precepts which Buddhist devotees observe on the Observance Days (uposatha) and during periods of meditation. An additional rule is not to speak with contempt, in jest, or with malice to or about any of the noble ones who have attained states of sanctity. If you have done so, then personally apologize to him or her or make an apology through your meditation instructor. If in the past you have spoken contemptuously to a noble one who is at present unavailable or deceased, confess this offense to your meditation instructor or introspectively to yourself.

The old masters of Buddhist tradition suggest that you entrust yourself to the Enlightened One, the Buddha, during the training period, for you may be alarmed if it happens that your own state of mind produces unwholesome or frightening visions during contemplation. Also place yourself under the guidance of your meditation instructor, for then, he can talk to you frankly about your work in contemplation and give you the guidance he thinks necessary. These are the advantages of placing trust in the Enlightened One, the Buddha, and practising under the guidance of your instructor. The aim of this practice and its greatest benefit is release from greed, hatred and delusion, which are the roots of all evil and suffering. This intensive course in insight training can lead you to such release. So work ardently with this end in view so that your training will be successfully completed. This kind of training in contemplation, based on the foundations of mindfulness (satipattana), had been taken by successive Buddhas and noble ones who attained release. You are to be congratulated on having the opportunity to take the same kind of training they had undergone.

It is also important for you to begin your training with a brief contemplation on the "Four Protections" which the Enlightened One, the Buddha, offers you for reflection. It is helpful for your psychological welfare at this stage to reflect on them. The subjects of the four protective reflections are the Buddha himself, loving-kindness, the loathsome aspects of the body, and death.

First, devote yourself to the Buddha by sincerely appreciating his nine chief qualities in this way:

Truly, the Buddha is holy, fully enlightened, perfect in knowledge and conduct, a welfarer, world-knower, the incomparable leader of men to be tamed, teacher of gods and mankind, the awakened one and the exalted one.

Secondly, reflect upon all sentient beings as the receivers of your loving-kindness and identify yourself with all sentient beings without distinction, thus:

May I be free from enmity, disease and grief. As I am, so also may my parents, preceptors, teachers, intimate and indifferent and inimical beings be free from enmity, disease and grief. May they be released from suffering.

Thirdly, reflect upon the repulsive nature of the body to assist you in diminishing the unwholesome attachment that so many people have for the body. Dwell on some of its impurities, such as stomach, intestines, phlegm, pus, blood. Ponder on these impurities so that the absurd fondness for the body may be eliminated.

The fourth protection for your psychological benefit is to reflect on the phenomenon of ever-approaching death. Buddhist teachings stress that life is uncertain, but death is certain; life is precarious but death is sure. Life has death as its goal. There is birth, disease, suffering, old age, and eventually, death. These are all aspects of the process of existence.

To begin training, take the sitting posture with the legs crossed. You might feel more comfortable if the legs are not interlocked but evenly placed on the ground, without pressing one against the other. If you find that sitting on the floor interferes with contemplation, then obtain a more comfortable way of sitting. Now proceed with each exercise in contemplation as described.

Basic Exercise I

Try to keep your mind (but not your eyes) on the abdomen. You will thereby come to know the movements of rising and falling of it. If these movements are not clear to you in the beginning, then place both hands on the abdomen to feel these rising and falling movements. After a short time the upward movement of exhalation will become clear. Then make a mental note of rising for the upward movement, falling for the downward movement. Your mental note of each movement must be made while it occurs. From this exercise you learn the actual manner of the upward and downward movements of the abdomen. You are not concerned with the form of the abdomen. What you actually perceive is the bodily sensation of pressure caused by the heaving movement of the abdomen. So do not dwell on the form of the abdomen but proceed with the exercise. For the beginner it is a very effective method of developing the faculties of attention, concentration of mind and insight in contemplation. As practice progresses, the manner of the movements will be clearer. The ability to know each successive occurrence of the mental and physical processes at each of the six sense organs is acquired only when insight contemplation is fully developed. Since you are only a beginner whose attentiveness and power of concentration are still weak, you may find it difficult to keep the mind on each successive rising movement and falling movement as it occurs. In view of this difficulty, you may be inclined to think, "I just don't know how to keep my mind on each of these movement." Then simply remember that this is a learning process. The rising and falling movements of the abdomen are always present and therefore there is no need to look for them. Actually it is easy for a beginner to keep his or her mind on these two simple movements. Continue with this exercise in full awareness of the abdomen's rising and falling movements. Never verbally repeat the words, rising, falling, and do not think of rising and falling as words. Be aware only of the actual process of the rising and falling movements of the abdomen. Avoid deep or rapid breathing for the purpose of making the abdominal movements more distinct, because this procedure causes fatigue that interferes with the practice. Just be totally aware of the movements of rising and falling as they occur in the course of normal breathing.

Basic Exercise II

While occupied with the exercise of observing each of the abdominal movements, other mental activities may occur between the noting of each rising and falling. Thoughts or other mental functions, such as intentions, ideas, imaginings, are likely to occur between each mental note of rising and falling. They cannot be disregarded. A mental note must be made of each as it occurs.

If you imagine something, you must know that you have done so and make a mental note, imagining. If you simply think of something, mentally note, thinking. If you reflect, reflecting. If you intend to do something, intending. When the mind wanders from the object of meditation which is the rising and falling of the abdomen, mentally note, wandering. Should you imagine you are going to a certain place, note going. When you arrive, arriving. When, in your thoughts, you meet a person, note meeting. Should you speak to him or her, speaking. If you imaginarily argue with that person, note arguing. If you envision or imagine a light or colour, be sure to note seeing. A mental vision must be noted on each occurrence of its appearance until it passes away. After its disappearance continue with Basic Exercise I, by being fully aware of each movement of the rising and falling abdomen. Proceed carefully, without slackening. If you intend to swallow saliva while thus engaged, make a mental note intending. While in the act of swallowing, swallowing. If you spit, spitting. Then return to the exercise of noting rising and falling.

Suppose you intend to bend the neck, note intending. In the act of bending, bending. When you intend to straighten the neck, intending. In the act of straightening the neck, straightening. The neck movements of bending and straightening must be done slowly. After mentally making a note of each of these actions, proceed in full awareness with noticing the movements of the rising and falling abdomen.

Basic Exercise III

Since you must continue contemplating for a long time while in one position, that of sitting or lying down, you are likely to experience an intense feeling of fatigue, stiffness in the body or in the arms and legs. Should this happen, simply keep the knowing mind on that part of the body where such feelings occur and carry on the contemplation, noting tired or stiff. Do this naturally; that is, neither too fast nor too slow. These feelings gradually become fainter and finally cease altogether. Should one of these feelings become more intense until the bodily fatigue or stiffness of joints is unbearable, then change your position. However, do not forget to make a mental note of intending, before you proceed to change your position. Each movement must be contemplated in its respective order and in detail.

If you intend to lift the hand or leg, make a mental note intending. In the act of lifting the hand or leg, lifting. Stretching either the hand or the leg, stretching. When you bend it, bending. When putting it down, putting. Should either the hand or leg touch, touching. Perform all of these actions in a slow and deliberate manner. As soon as you are settled in the new position, continue with the contemplation in another position keeping to the procedure outlined in this paragraph.

Should an itching sensation be felt in any part of the body, keep the mind on that part and make a mental note, itching. Do this in a regulated manner, neither too fast nor too slow. When the itching sensation disappears in the course of full awareness, continue with the exercise of noticing the rising and falling of the abdomen. Should the itching continue and become too strong and you intend to rub the itchy part, be sure to make a mental note, intending. Slowly lift the hand, simultaneously noting the actions of lifting; and touching, when the hand touches the part that itches. Rub slowly in complete awareness of rubbing. When the itching sensation has disappeared and you intend to discontinue rubbing be mindful by making the usual mental note of intending. Slowly withdraw the hand, concurrently making a mental note of the action, withdrawing. When the hand rests in its usual place touching the leg, touching. Then again devote your time to observing the abdominal movements.

If there is pain or discomfort, keep the knowing mind on that part of the body where the sensation arises. Make a mental note of the specific sensation as it occurs, such as painful, aching, pressing, piercing, tired, giddy. It must be stressed that the mental note must not be forced nor delayed but made in a calm and natural manner. The pain may eventually cease or increase. Do not be alarmed if it increases. Firmly continue the contemplation. If you do so, you will find that the pain will almost always cease. But if, after a time, the pain has increased and becomes unbearable, you must ignore the pain and continue with the contemplation of rising and falling.

As you progress in mindfulness you may experience sensations of intense pain: stifling or choking sensations, such as pain from the slash of a knife, the thrust of a sharp-pointed instrument, unpleasant sensations of being pricked by sharp needles, or of small insects crawling over the body. You might experience sensations of itching, biting, intense cold. As soon as you discontinue the contemplation you may also feel that these painful sensations cease. When you resume contemplation you will have them again as soon as you gain in mindfulness. These painful sensations are not to be considered as something wrong. They are not manifestations of disease but are common factors always present in the body and are usually obscured when the mind is normally occupied with more conspicuous objects. When the mental faculties become keener you are more aware of these sensations. With the continued development of contemplation the time will come when you can overcome them and they will cease altogether. If you continue contemplation, firm in purpose, you will not come to any harm. Should you lose courage, become irresolute in contemplation and discontinue for some time, you may encounter these unpleasant sensations again and again as your contemplation proceeds. If you continue with determination you will most likely overcome these painful sensations and may never again experience them in the course of contemplation.

Should you intend to sway the body, then knowingly note intending. While in the act of swaying, swaying. When contemplating you may occasionally discover the body swaying back and forth. Do not be alarmed; neither be pleased nor wish to continue to sway. The swaying will cease if you keep the knowing mind on the action of swaying and continue to note swaying until the action ceases. If swaying increases in spite of your making a mental note of it, then lean against a wall or post or lie down for a while. Thereafter proceed with contemplation. Follow the same procedure if you find yourself shaking or trembling. When contemplation is developed you may sometimes feel a thrill or chill pass through the back or the entire body. This is a symptom of the feeling of intense interest, enthusiasm or rapture. It occurs naturally in the course of good contemplation. When your mind is fixed in contemplation you may be startled at the slightest sound. This takes place because you feel the effect of sensory impression more intensely while in a state of concentration.

If you are thirsty while contemplating, notice the feeling, thirsty. When you intend to stand, intending. Keep the mind intently on the act of standing up, and mentally note standing. When you look forward after standing up straight, note looking, seeing. Should you intend to walk forward, intending. When you begin to step forward, mentally note each step as walking, walking, or left, right. It is important for you to be aware of every moment in each step from the beginning to the end when you walk. Adhere to the same procedure when strolling or when taking walking exercise. Try to make a mental note of each step in two sections as follows: lifting, putting, lifting, putting. When you have obtained sufficient practice in this manner of walking, then try to make a mental note of each step in three sections; lifting, pushing, putting; or up, forward, down.

When you look at the tap or water-pot on arriving at the place where you are to take a drink, be sure to make a mental note, looking, seeing.

When you stop walking, stopping.
When you stretch out the hand, stretching.
When you touch the cup, touching.
When you take the cup, taking.
When dipping the cup into the water, dipping.
When bringing the cup to the lips, bringing.
When the cup touches the lips, touching.
When you swallow, swallowing.
When returning the cup, returning.
When withdrawing the hand, withdrawing.
When you bring down the hand, bringing.
When the hand touches the side of the body, touching.
If you intend to turn round, intending.
When you turn round, turning.
When you walk forward, walking.
On arriving at the place where you intend to stop, intending.
When you stop, stopping.

If you remain standing for some time continue the contemplation of rising and falling. But if you intend to sit down, note intending. When you go to sit down, walking. On arriving at the place where you will sit, arriving. When you turn to sit, turning. While in the act of sitting down, sitting. Sit down slowly, and keep the mind on the downward movement of the body. You must notice every movement in bringing the hands and legs into position. Then resume the practice of contemplating the abdominal movements.

Should you intend to lie down, note intending. Then proceed with the contemplation of every movement in the course of lying down: lifting, stretching, putting, touching, lying. Then take as the object of contemplation every movement in bringing the hands, legs and body into position. Perform these actions slowly. Thereafter, continue with noting rising and falling. Should pain, fatigue, itching, or any other sensation be felt, be sure to notice each of these sensations. Notice all feelings, thoughts, ideas, considerations, reflections; all movements of hands, legs, arms and body. If there is nothing in particular to note, put the mind on the rising and falling of the abdomen. When sleepy, make a mental note, sleepy. After you have gained sufficient concentration in contemplating you will be able to overcome drowsiness and you will feel refreshed as a result. Take up again the usual contemplation of the basic object. If you are unable to overcome the drowsy feeling, you must continue contemplating drowsiness until you fall asleep.

The state of sleep is the continuity of sub-consciousness. It is similar to the first state of rebirth consciousness and the last state of consciousness at the moment of death. This state of consciousness is feeble and therefore, unable to be aware of an object. When you awake, the continuity of sub-consciousness occurs regularly between moments of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching, and thinking. Because these occurrences are of brief duration they are not usually clear and therefore not noticeable. Continuity of sub-consciousness remains during sleep - a fact which becomes obvious when you wake up; for it is in the state of wakefulness that thoughts and sense objects become distinct.

Contemplation should start at the moment you wake up. Since you are a beginner, it may not be possible yet for you to start contemplating at the very first moment of wakefulness. But you should start with it when you remember that you are to contemplate. For example, if on awakening you reflect on something, you should become aware of the fact and begin your contemplation by a mental note, reflecting. Then proceed with the contemplation of rising and falling. When getting up from the bed, mindfulness should be directed to every detail of the body's activity. Each movement of the hands, legs and rump must be performed in complete awareness. Are you thinking of the time of day when awakening? If so, note thinking. Do you intend to get out of bed? If so, note intending. If you prepare to move the body into position for rising, note preparing. As you slowly rise, rising. Should you remain sitting for any length of time, revert to contemplating the abdominal movements.

Perform the acts of washing the face or taking a bath in due order and in complete awareness of every detailed movement; for instance, looking, seeing, stretching, holding, touching, feeling cold, rubbing. In the acts of dressing, making the bed, opening and closing doors and windows, handling objects, be occupied with every detail of these actions in sequence.

You must attend to the contemplation of every detail in the action of eating;

When you look at the food, looking, seeing.
When you arrange the food, arranging.
When you bring the food to the mouth, bringing.
When you bend the neck forwards, bending.
When the food touches the mouth, touching.
When placing the food in the mouth, placing.
When the mouth closes, closing.
When withdrawing the hand, withdrawing.
Should the hand touch the plate, touching.
When straightening the neck, straightening.
When in the act of chewing, chewing.
When you are aware of the taste, knowing.
When swallowing the food, swallowing.
While swallowing the food, should the food be felt touching the sides of the gullet, touching.

Perform contemplation in this manner each time you take a morsel of food until you finish your meal. In the beginning of the practice there will be many omissions. Never mind. Do not waver in your effort. You will make fewer omissions if you persist in your practice. When you reach an advanced stage of the practice you will also to be able to notice more details than those mentioned here.

Advancement in Contemplation

After having practiced for a day and a night you may find your contemplation considerably improved. You may be able to prolong the basic exercise of noticing the abdominal movements. At this time you will notice that there is generally a break between the movements of rising and falling. If you are in the sitting posture, fill in this gap with a mental note of the fact of sitting in this way: rising, falling, sitting. When you make a mental note of sitting, keep your mind on the erect position of the upper body. When you are lying down you should proceed with full awareness as follows: rising, falling, lying. If you find this easy, continue with noticing these three sections. Should you notice that a pause occurs at the end of the rising as well as at the end of the falling movement, then continue in this manner: rising, sitting, falling, sitting. Or when lying down: rising, lying, falling, lying. Suppose you no longer find it easy to make a mental note of three or four objects in the above manner. Then revert to the initial procedure of noting only the two sections; rising and falling.

While engaged in the regular practise of contemplating bodily movements you need not be concerned with objects of seeing and hearing. As long as you are able to keep your mind on the abdominal movements of rising and falling it is assumed that the purpose of noticing the acts and objects of seeing is also served. However, you may intentionally look at an object; two or three times, note as seeing. Then return to the awareness of the abdominal movements. Suppose some person comes into your view. Make a mental note of seeing, two or three times and then resume attention to the rising and falling movements of the abdomen. Did you happen to hear the sound of a voice? Did you listen to it? If so make a mental note of hearing, listening and revert to rising and falling. But suppose you heard loud noises, such as the barking of dogs, loud talking or shouting. If so, immediately make a mental note two or three times, hearing, then return to your basic exercise. If you fail to note and dismiss such distinctive sounds as they occur, you may inadvertently fall into reflections about them instead of proceeding with intense attention to rising and falling, which may then become less distinct and clear. It is by such weakened attention that mind-defiling passions breed and multiply. If such reflections do occur, make a mental note reflecting, two or three times, then again take up the contemplation of rising and falling. Should you forget to make a mental note of body, leg or arm movements, then mentally note forgetting, and resume your usual contemplation on abdominal movements. You may feel at times that breathing is slow or that the rising and falling movements are not clearly perceived. When this happens, and you are in the sitting position, simply move the attention to sitting, touching; or if you are lying down, to lying, touching. While contemplating touching, your mind should not be kept on the same part of the body but on different parts successively. There are several places of touch and at least six or seven should be contemplated.

Basic Exercise IV

Up to this point you have devoted quite some time to the training course. You might begin to feel lazy after deciding that you have made inadequate progress. By no means give up. Simply note the fact, lazy. Before you gain sufficient strength in attention, concentration and insight, you may doubt the correctness or usefulness of this method of training. In such a circumstance turn to contemplation of the thought, doubtful. Do you anticipate or wish for good results? If so, make such thoughts the subject of your contemplation; anticipating, or wishing. Are you attempting to recall the manner in which the training was conducted up to this point? Yes? Then take up contemplation on recollecting. Are there occasions when you examine the object of contemplation in order to determine whether it is mind or matter? If so, then be aware of examining. Do you regret that there is no improvement in your contemplation? If so, attend to the feeling of regret. Conversely, are you happy that your contemplation is improving? If you are, then contemplate the feeling of being happy. This is the way in which you make a mental note of every item of mental behaviour as it occurs, and if there are no intervening thoughts or perceptions to note, you should revert to the contemplation of rising and falling. During a strict course of meditation, the time of practice is from the first moment you wake up until the last moment before you fall asleep. To reiterate, you must be constantly occupied either with the basic exercise or with mindful attention throughout the day and during those night hours when you are not asleep. There must be no relaxation. Upon reaching a certain stage of progress with contemplation you will not feel sleepy in spite of these prolonged hours of practise. On the contrary, you will be able to continue the contemplation day and night.

Summary

It has been emphasized during this brief outline of the training that you must contemplate on each mental occurrence, good or bad; on each bodily movement large or small; on every sensation (bodily or mental feeling) pleasant or unpleasant; and so on. If, during the course of training, occasions arise when there is nothing special to contemplate upon, be fully occupied with attention to the rising and falling of the abdomen. When you have to attend to any kind of activity that necessitates walking, then, in complete awareness, each step should be briefly noted as walking, walking or left, right. But when you are taking a walking exercise, contemplate on each step in three sections; up, forward, down. The student who thus dedicates himself or herself to the training day and night, will be able in not too long a time, to develop concentration to the initial stage of the fourth degree of insight (knowledge of arising and passing away) and onward to higher stages of insight meditation (vipassana bhavana

awesome! Thank you trailrunner, printing this out! This will take some studying. You and your DH are so kind in providing all this.

I haven't posted on this thread or the "Strengths" thread because I don't perceive strengths or weaknesses in myself or others, so much as I see humanity unfolding. It is what it is. We are what we are.

The rain falls. The wind blows. Do we say these things are strengths or weaknesses in the cosmos?

Of course, we do all the time! The rain is a "mess" to one, a Godsend to another. Ditto the wind, the sun, the heat, the cold.

It's all smoke & mirrors. How we think about ourselves & others, what we tell ourselves about the behavior we exhibit & witness.

Ultimately, it's all good. Why? Because that is what is in front of us. I have faith in the vast array of things we are, in the constellation of events that happen & shape us.

We make such a rich tapestry! Imo, to be a part of the tapestry of humanity & to embrace whatever our part in it is, is more important & infinitely more beautiful, than making ourselves "perfect."

Our strengths are too big to put into words, our "weaknesses" merely stories we tell ourselves.

I have to disagree with you, Stinky. Not all is ultimately good, there is a great deal of evil in the world and it won't ultimately be a good thing. the response to evil can impact others in a good way perhaps, but the evil itself is never good. imo

Yes Bumble, evil sticks and good soaks in. Sometimes good sticks and evil soaks in. I think when you have evil thrown at you at a young age it acts as a sort of soak in wood stain that soaks in several layers as opposed to evil when you get older, then its more like primer. Good can always soak in but it depends on how much primer or wood stain thats already there.

Hip Chic, I can certainly understand the vibe, it's the same when a creative person gets around another creative person. Or, when an intuitive person is around another intuitive person...It does create an energy that is hard to describe.

My new strength is, learning how to love myself (or should that be me?) Terriks, where are you when I need you?

pretty much what stinky says is also what Pema Chodron says too. That is where I got the idea of not trying to "change" ourselves...per se, since you are then saying that the current person that you are is not good. As stinky says it is what it is and it is all you so it has to be good. Maybe I am not saying it clearly. Pema calls it " juicy" ...you are the sum of everything that your life has made you...and you will be more...we change whether we mean to or not since everything we are and do helps us evolve.

Hope that we can keep the discussion going. c

Trail, I love you, but I pretty much make my living dispelling magical thinking. Seriously.

Golddust, I didn't know that! Do you mind sharing what you do for a living?

I agree that we are the sum of everything our lives have made us, but I don't think everyone evolves for the better... and don't some people need to change- people who are not good- narcissists and violent people, etc.? (re:it is all you so it has to be good).

Wish I could express myself better!

Hi Trail! The thoughts we have about ourselves & others & events completely shapes our reality, defines our world. Hell, stress, misery, pain, suffering is created by demanding reality be something other than it is. Besides, whatever we resist, persists.

That doesn't mean we can't move out of a situation into another. Peace or pain is predicated entirely upon HOW are we going to make the journey.

We are stuck in the mud. We don't want to be. So, we needn't stay stuck in the mud because that is "what is." We work to get ourselves out!

But what is our state of mind, what thoughts about being stuck are we stimulating as we pull ourselves out? We will be more effective & will suffer much, much less if rather than cursing, blaming, ranting at the mud, we just accept that we're stuck in it & put our energy into getting out of it!

It's important to note that thoughts come & go. Any thought that enters the mind is harmless unless...we believe it. It's attachment to a thought that can make us miserable. We can attach to certain thoughts for years, never challenging them or questioning them...for years, for a lifetime!

When we suddenly see something differently, the pain is released & we are tranquil. Did anything outside of us change? No. Just our thoughts. Life is internal. Very powerful.

gd...not sure what you are saying...how is it magical ???

everything is transient...if you look at a stream you are not seeing the same thing now as was there a second ago..not magical at all but reality...finely tuned.

the "telling ourselves stories" really resonates with me. Pema has a lot of info in her books about this concept.

during meditation one has "thoughts" and they simply are acknowledged as "thinking" and then you go back to the breath. Touch and go back is the concept. As stinky is saying, in part, if you get stuck, then that can be a problem. c

Trailrunner, not saying that getting stuck is a "problem," but using that example in response to the misguided notion that if we accept "what is" we can't "change."

Using getting stuck in the mud as a metaphor for any circumstance one would find themselves in & want to move out of. Part of acceptance is not seeing the being stuck as a "problem." That doesn't mean we can't still take action & move out or on! It's just the energy we use to nurture our negative thoughts about "being stuck" drains us & makes us miserable...much more than the mud simply being the mud does!

We can curse the mud & ourselves, start ranting about our stupidity & poor judgement, our lack of common sense, the awful roads, etc.! Does that get us out any faster?

We've all been stuck in the proverbial mud! We've all also simply extricated ourselves out of that same mud with grace, dignity & little fanfare, & found ourselves moving through & getting to the other side of the muck quite peacefully, yes? We took the trip both times, but which trip was more satisfying?

Just stoping back in to aologize. Never should I do anything before coffee. NEVER! I am sorry, Trail. Really.

Ha! I knew that's what happened Golddust!! The minute I read what you wrote and saw the time stamp I remembered you saying when your kids call in the morning the first thing they do is ask if you've had your coffee! LOL

It's true, Lukki. I couldn't sleep last night but I wake up like a tiger. I don't even mean what I say before coffee. I'm usually a nice person and pray the rest of me shows. I have carried my embarrassment around all day. Luckily we are talking weakness thread. That was just lucky.

I've been too embarrassed to come here today after what I said. I wasn't lying.

Oh goodness, you don't have to be embarrassed...we're all entitled to have our moments, I have them all the time :c) and I would be willing to bet that TR did not take it personally. ((hugs))

Golddust, actually I like your term "magical thinking!" When you think about it, our thinking is so powerful, it does work like magic!

Thoughts bounce into our heads like popcorn, all day long, beyond our control, & we latch onto a kernel & won't let go of it. Especially it seems, if that kernel is negative in some way!

Our reptilian, primal mind still has us locked in survival mode. Many of our worries & stressful thoughts stem from genetic programming that has outlived its usefulness.

Now we can choose another way, & live consciously. We don't have to believe every thought that enters are heads & can tell the negative ones that are trying to keep us "alive" that we're not being chased by tigers anymore. An insult may FEEL like it's going to kill us, but it won't! We just have to click into a different perception of it.

So...I choose to change my perception & suddenly everything changes. I don't change my perception & stay in the negativity & remain miserable. Wow. That is rather magical!

GD,,,not to worry. I am sorry I didn't get back here sooner..life intervened...no bad feelings at all. c

Thank you for your grace, Trail. I greatly appreciate it.

Stinky, way to clean me up! LOL. I appreciate that too.