Hi, Adobesunlight-
I end up celebrating Christmas with solely my dad, as I'm single, am an only child and my mother passed away about ten years ago. I totally understand how you feel. What's helped me a bit has been to try to create new traditions-- to make things a little bit special or fun in new ways.

Some, just cheerful atmospheric things like making sure there's a holiday scented candle melting and making things smell good... Food things, like doing a special mulled cider...

And little tradition things, like always watching "A Christmas Story" on Christmas Eve, and opening one present on that night. Also, I've gotten Dad involved in doing some board games-- Scrabble, and other things-- to keep active, while away some time and make things seem a little different.

Obviously the traditions you choose will be tailored to your own interests. But it might give you some ideas.

Hang in there. You're not alone!
-Jenn

I have a group of friends that host "orphan thanksgiving" and "orphan christmas" for people that don't have anywhere special to go. They end up being about 30-60 person pot-lucks with much good cheer. Maybe you and your husband can start a new tradition of opening your home to friends in the same situation.

I only WISH I had your situation! We would go away somewhere nice and have a great couple of days vacation: maybe somewhere warm, a beach, or to a cabin in the mountains, or to a bed and breakfast.

I know people who have just given up on the holidays and they either spend the day helping serve food at a shelter or doing some other, non-commercial activity on Christmas. That's what it was supposed to be about a long time ago, anyway.

if none of that appeals to you, why not spend the day with friends, either invite them over or go to their homes. You don't have to stare at a TV. Start some new traditions.

How about:

Planning a special dinner instead of the tradtional things you'd serve for Christmas.

Only open one present each hour. This one may sound real silly for grownups, but each hide a present for the other to search out. One year my DH had lost his wedding band while deer hunting (yup, it came right off as he was cleaning the deer, yuccckkkk). So I replaced it and wrapped the little box up with a bow and hung it on the tree as an ornament. It took him all day long to search for that one special gift. He loved it.

Have an early dinner Christmas Eve and then go out for a nice long ride to admire folks' decorations, play Christmas music on the radio of course, and may I suggest, hold hands!

Get out the ole' photo albums on Christmas Eve and talk about the good times you had in the pics while having popcorn and hot chocolate.

Turn off all lights that aren't necessary and just have the Christmas tree and decorations lights lit up then put on some nice music and waltz in the beauty of having each other at this special time of year. You know, get mushy, mushy!!

I hope some of these ideas will help you to enjoy the holidays. You know, you don't have to do it all in two days/nights. Spread it out to be an all week event of just you and DH and fall in love all over again (omg, I think I'm going to cry)!

Have a wonderful holiday season Adobesunlight, and please, don't be thinking you two are all alone, you're not, you have each other. ENJOY!

Sal

I know that some of you might not agree with this suggestion.... but how about going to a movie? I never really realized it, but theatres are open on Christmas. Friends of mine used to go every year on Christmas after all the hoop-la of the day. I personally think it would sort of be neat going to a movie on Christmas.

I like everyone else's ideas as well and agree that you need to start new traditions of your very own. You could also go & eat some Chinese food before the movie :)

I hope your holiday season is wonderful & blessed.

Dawn

I feel for you & can relate. As an only child growing up, Christmas day was sad & boring. I had no one to play with my new toys, so I grew up not liking Christmas very much.

We have some family, but most holidays are spent with some family & friends. Over the years we have made some really nice friends & we always spend the holidays with them.

Anyway, hubby & I have discussed the fact that one year we may be alone & if you can afford it, how about a two day trip somewhere nice, a nice Inn where you can feel all cozy & warm & have the Christmas spirit!! You'd be surprised how many couples do that. One of my friends is leaving for Texas before Christmas & her & hubby will spend it there alone, just cause it's warm & they won't have to be in the cold & snow.

Not everyone has the big family around the table like you see on TV and seeing that all the time sets people up for a let down on the holidays. Try to make it special without feeling the pressure of having to have a house full of people. I know, it's easy to say, but I'm not good at following my own advice!

Do you have any single neighbors? Invite someone over for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day dinner. Make it very festive, with music, a tree and lots of decorations, maybe a gift for this person. Two of my nicest Christmases were when I was single and a neighboring family included me in their celebration. I couldn't be with my own family 3,000 miles away. I'll never forget their kindness.

I haven't been here in a long while, and this post caught my eye.

DH and I LOVE holidays by ourselves. We have no children, we did family holidays with both families for years and years and there was always some fiasco or another going on. We all stopped giving gifts years ago, and as people moved away and we all drifted apart, we are content being by ourselves. I love making us a special dinner, we listen to music, whatever. These days we don't buy a lot, as we buy things throughout the year. It is pleasant not being caught up in all the commercial hype and to just enjoy being together. I love the meaning of Christmas and relax and rest in the love and joy of the season.

I do love to do our tree every year. I love the colors and sparkles and the ornaments are special too.

Make your celebration your own and enjoy whatever you decide to do. Love is the reason for the season and you have each other. That's wonderful.

FlowerLady

Our Church serves Christmas dinner to the homeless and anyone who will be alone for the day..we serve about 200 people including bringing meals to shut-ins..it's a Christmas present I give myself...you come home exhausted but truly happy.
A lot of places do something like this, it's a great way to meet new people from all walks of life.

adobesunlight...I am so glad you posted this. I am sure you are not the only one in this situation and maybe someone else wouldn't have had the courage to ask. Besides, some of us may be in your situation at one time or another. I can certainly identify with some of what you are dealing with having lost both my parents as well.

You both have gone through a lot in a very short period of time. This has to be a very hard holiday coming up. Your husband having just lost his Dad a month ago, has to be feeling grief that is very fresh for him. I would imagine that having lost your Dad last year you are a little further along with your grief than your husband is but it still is pretty fresh for you too.

It is hard because different people want to grieve in different ways sometimes. For someone who has just lost someone, I feel like they have to do whatever gets them through that initial period. If it is avoiding dealing with the grief until later, or staying busy, or just crying their eyes out.

It sounds like you and your husband both have needs of how you will get through the holiday the easiest and maybe they are not the same. That might be hard. If you can find something to do that will satisfy both of you then it will be much easier and you won't feel so alone if you can help each other get through the day.

I think all the suggestions you received were great if you are both ready for them. If not this year, then you can plan on how to make your holidays different for next year. I think it would be a lot to expect from yourself and your husband that you would be able to put aside how you are feeling and invite strangers or people you don't know well to your house and be a host/hostess for the day. Next year, for sure, but this year?

I think the problem is it is hard enough to spend the holidays alone but it's hard to grieve alone and it is hard to have fun on a holiday when you are grieving. So no matter which way you cut it, you are between a rock and a hard place.

It is really a shame that you can't spend the day or part of the holiday with some of your family who would be understanding how you are feeling and maybe feeling the same way. Are you sure you couldn't let your sister know how you were feeling and try to make plans to at least have dinner with them on Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day and since they just want to make it like any other day, how about just dinner in a 'non-Christmas' way? You could send out for chinese food. :-) Would there be any way to join your neice and fiance whereever it is that they have moved?

You do have some time to think about it....wish I could be of more help.

pm2

(((adobesunlight))), I know this must be a trying time for you but please know there are others who care, as you can see from all the wonderful suggestions you've received. I think the one I like the most is the one about getting away together and doing something special for just the two of you. I see you like theatre so perhaps a play or movie and then a nice dinner at a restaurant where you look down at a menu and not up. : )

I like Dawn's suggestion of a movie, as well. My DH and I did just that one year. We always used to do the big family get togethers, but one year decided to take a break. We visited some relatives earlier in the day but spent the rest of the day at the movies and eating out. We came home to a clean house and loved it! We are thinking of doing the same thing again this year since it will just be the two of us and one of our sons on Christmas day.

Also, is there some place near you that does some old-fashioned entertainment? We are not far from Disneyland so we try to get there during the holidays, too. It is so beautiful at Christmas! It's hard to believe it could be more festive than it already is but the place is truly magical this time of year. And with so many people around, enjoying the same fun and excitement, it's hard to feel lonely. I think it would be wonderful If you can get away together to some place similarly festive.

My best to you and hubby. Let us know what you decide.

Bear Hugs, Diana

There was one year after my mother died that it ended up being just my father, DH and me for most of the day (some friends came by in the evening). I felt very, very sad the entire day. I think being in her house made it much worse, because it reminded me of what it used to be like with my mother there.

If I had it to do over, I probably would do something totally different so I wasn't comparing. Maybe stay at a hotel or inn that has holiday related activities. There is a beautiful hotel near us that really does it up at Christmas. I would do something like that.

Some great suggestions here! I only have two that are a little different than what's already been thrown out there. One is to do some volunteering in a kitchen or church where they're feeding the homeless and make your holiday meal on Christmas Eve. The other is, if you're near a naval station or something, to invite a handful of those not going home to join you for the day. I met a man who does that every Thanksgiving and Christmas and he not only feeds them, he has small gifts for everyone to open and he allows each one to call home from his phone. He said the holidays used to depress him but now, those are his favorite two days of the year.

Adobesunlight.....everyone's suggestions are very good, but it is so very lonely, during the holidays to be away from "family", whatever that constitutes. I just lost my Dad in August, and I am only acknowledging it now. It will be a very difficult Christmas. It will be only DH and me too.
We are going to have a very quiet Christmas, where we feel no pressure to be "on". If we don't feel great, we have each other, a DVD, cuddling.....we will take our time opening gifts and EAT MUCH CHOCOLATE....even when we will be having Turkey! May God bless you and DH.....this is a precious time of year. Be gentle on yourself. It really will be o.k.
***
Maddya

Maddy, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about the loss of your Dad and this first Christmas without him. And to tell you that your post was very sweet and heartwarming. It sounds like you and your DH will get thru this holiday with much love (and more than a little chocolate!).
Take care,
Karen

I've been lurking for several weeks and finally decided to jump in.

There were so many great ideas adobesunlight Theres bound to be one to fit your needs,if not you two can come up with something from the ideas here that will fit just you.

My SIL was working 300 mi. from us on Thanksgiving Day,so DD and i loaded the dinner we'd cooked up the day before and headed to Memphis to a motel and had the big meal there and invited two other workers there to join us. We had a great time and i got to do a little shopping before we came back.

I found a small nativity scene fountain that i love.

I lost my DH several years ago and still miss him. So if you've a significant other hug him,look at him,love him, put up a couple decorations and do your own thing and rejoice together.

SIL will be gone till just before Christmas so DD and i are going to a Madrigal given by the local highschool choir next weekend. A first for both of us and we are looking forward to it.

Perfect opportunity for a romantic night!...Make a special meal, light candles, some wine, play Christmas music, light the fireplace if you have one..exchange gifts..Etc... You don't have to be around a whole bunch of people or family to celebrate and enjoy the holidays!

Thank you all so much for the many suggestions concerning Christmas this year. To those of you that have lost loved ones and are experiencing your first holidays without them, please know that you WILL get through this just fine. I remember when my mother passed away in 1998 and having to deal with the Thanksgiving and Christmas shortly afterwards. My father at the time lived alone in a little apartment and my main focus was on him at the time. You know, make sure that daddy was taken care of, etc. Being the eldest sibling I could not dwell on "my" loss, but instead make sure everyone else (dad, brother and sister, niece) would be okay and get through the rough spots. My mother was a doll artisan and had owned a studio in the midwest, leaving behind LOTS of beautiful porcelain dolls which I had inherited. Since brother and sister were coming over with dad and my niece I came up with an idea. We no longer had mom with us, but we had the dolls and she had put so much of herself into her work, sooooooo....I decided to wrap up one for each family member in large sized gift bags and chose someone to mix up the bags and place them near the front door in a row. Before we started unwrapping gifts, I sent one person at a time into the room and asked that they pick out a prezzie "from momma". Afterwards we lit a small candle, held hands and told her how much she was missed, followed by a simple prayer. I will never forget this as it really, REALLY helped get us through and everyone left with a little token of remembrance and the feeling that mom was there with us as we celebrated her favorite holiday.

Now, on another note-----There's been a change in plans for the holidays! LOL! I received a phone call a couple of nights ago from my niece in Texas and it seems her fiance' purchased a bus ticket for her as a gift to come out and stay an entire month! She called to ask if it would be alright before actually completing her purchase online. How could I refuse? Her mother living in the same town (the sister I mentioned that was not celebrating at all this year is still sticking to her guns supposedly) and we will be taking her daughter in for a month. Sounds strange I know! I had had time after pondering over the many suggestions here on the board to talk to DH about getting away for the holidays even if only overnight and starting new traditions. He seemed rather receptive to the idea, but now it's changed again since niece will be coming...lol. So rather than leaving our home, we will just have an open door policy in effect. Whoever chooses to come celebrate is more than welcome to do so=)..=) The tree will be going up this week after DH helps me move furniture, etc. and dad's bedroom now will be turned into a guest room (this forces me to get busy and make some much needed changes rather quickly).

Sorry this post is so long, but also need to make another comment before I forget-----Someone posted a reply here about losing her mother and spending the holidays with her father in the house that reminded her so much of when her mom was alive, so tried to create new traditions (playing Scrabble, etc.). On this note-----I know exactly the feeling you are referring to because the house my DH and I presently live in was purchased by my father and he lived here with us for the past 2 and 1/2 years up until he passed on Thanksgiving Day 2006 at home. His bedroom was dad's little private retreat and everyone knew pretty much to ask permission before entering even to clean, etc. Since his passing the room has been locked up and not used. There are so many reminders here in this house of my dad that sis feels strange coming over to visit, in fact she has only been here maybe once since then. It's going to be rather awkward for my niece to sleep in that room while a lot of dad's belongings are scattered about, so now I have to drastically make changes before her arrival. Don't have time to paint and do a major overhaul, but any suggestions as to where I might start? Other than the usual.....box up whatever belonged to dad and.....? OMG.......why do I panic over everything? LOL? ACK!@!

Hey adobesunlight! Boy! nothing quite like 'Company's Coming!' to get ya motiviated! WHile you can't paint - there's lots of sheets, pillows, comfortators, duvet covers that would change the whole look of the room in an instant! Don't toss stuff - just box it up for a time until your grieving is more complete... Besides, you never know what thing means something huge to another family member..

How wonderful that you just may end up "rescuing" someone else from a lonely holiday! Isn't it great how things often just work themselves out? No matter how many you celebrate with, I hope you will be wrapped in the warmth of love. Can't ask for more than that. Luvs

I have 2 suggestions..I work with the developemental disable in a residental home and they love company. We have some residents that do not have family or can not get to come on Christmas to visit or take them home so they are alone with staff. I would try to call a agency if you like and set something up.
Also a senior home you be surprised at how many seniors have no families...my children and I adopt a senior every year and buy small gifts and treats for them and spend time with them at the holidays, I have one senior gentleman who we visit all year long and have for the past several years, my kids call him grandpa as he has no children and he just loves it when they visit and send him cards....so maybe a couple of hours out of your day would bring delight to one of the above....I have worked in my field for many years and it just tears me up to know they are alone on the holidays and have only staff as their family....I always take my grandchildren to our house I work at on holidays and we have holiday breakfast with my residents my grandchildren love to spend time with them and sometimes they watch a movie together before we go to our family day....My way of sharing my family with them.
Happy Holidays
topgunsangel

That is great news for you, I think the Christmas magic worked for you a bit early this year.

Someone mentioned "fiascos" at holiday time. Well, that is why some of my family won't be with us this year. There is always a fiasco of one kind or another, but not with our friends that come, so we're sticking to friends for the holidays.

In fact, for Thanksgiving I thought it would just be us & one son & his kids and it turned out two different sets of friends ended up here as well & we had a great day. Miracles do still happen.

Adobe, I loved the story of your Mom's dolls and them being gifted like that. How very special for everyone, and I'm sure your Mom was right there in spirit smiling at all of you with her dolls. My Mom died the day before 9-1-1. I will never forget the holiday season of 2001.
And what you said about your Dad and his room really hit me.
My dad has lived with us since Mom died, and his room is his little private retreat also. He's 83, with a bad heart and kidney disease, so each day is precious with him. He has always been my best buddy and I can't imagine what is ahead for me. Or HOW I'll be able to deal with his room.
And like your sister, I think how hard it will be for my 3 kids and all the grandkids to come over. Hopefully my Dad will remain a miracle, the doctors told me in '98 he had a year at most due to his heart and kidneys! Boy did he fool them!
I'm glad your Xmas plans are looking brighter.

hugs, Karen