Mom's getting discouraged!

19 years ago

My Mom and Dad are living in a retirement home, they have a 3 room apt with 2 baths. A nice place, meals provided, housekeeping too. My Mom's mental abilities are still relatively sharp but physically she is very feeble. Dad's the opposite, sadly. He's had a small stroke and probably a bit of dementia, but physically he's pretty good. He's forgotten how to put a battery in something---oh, one interesting thing that he's started doing: he forgets that he has put his napkin on his lap when we go out to eat and then he asks where's the napkins??? He acts pretty chagrined when he realizes that the napkin's there on his lap and he hangs his head and says I should know that, I put it there!

Anyway Mom thinks she can find someone to solve Dad's problems, the mental slowness. We have talked to the Drs, and tried diff. meds, no change. She needs a support person. Who do you go to? Does the retirement village usually have someone that does this? I probably should just call and ask...but she's gets rather discouraged at this now silent, practically, husband. She says it's like living with a 5 year old, do this, put this away, look in the 2nd drawer for your pjs, not the 3rd.

The village has a home health business in it that provides individual care; I wonder if I should have my folks evaluated. Mom would get her dander up at that; she'd get all protective--"we can manage on our own". She is soo proud.

I tend to let them go on their own and assume all is pretty much okay. Then on the days that I am in town, I get them out and about, shop a very little, out for lunch, go for a ride...they don't want to be out too long cuz they do get tired...

I don't know whether to try and get a stranger in there to talk to mom about her situation. I just can't believe she'd "open up" and unload.

Thanks for letting me ramble.... Gin

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (3)

barker_tx
19 years ago
sounds like your Dad needs to go to 'daycare' once or twice a week so your Mom can go enjoy some activity with other seniors who still have it mentally - don't mean to sound abrupt - we are in the same situation with the genders reversed.

Dad has no one to talk to/with, no activities (ezcept going to the grocery store) - My brother just retired so he is going over there more often but it is a lonely life for Dad...I still work full time and my sister lives 350 miles away.

Try to locate somewhere your Dad can go and be safe and encourage your Mom to participate in something - playing Bingo/cards....attending a senior citizens program, etc.

good luck, Carolyn
agnespuffin
19 years ago
You might try to talk to her and explain that she really is "living with a five year old" because his mental functioning is regressing. And it will get worse. He's loosing that ability to think for himself. She's got to take over the task of directing him as much as she can. Talking to someone besides family might be a very good thing.

Some sort of day care for him would be wonderful for both of them. She would get the respite that she needs and he would be around others that might give him more mental stimulation than he's getting now.

I am sure there is someone at the home that can point you in the right direction.
Good luck!
Related Discussions
Getting Discouraged- Need Your Best Tips
Q
Comments (29)
""""I have to share my scary episode with using fish emulsion a couple of years ago. While planting some flower bulbs I decided to add some fish emulsion to the bottom of the planting hole to feed my bulbs and give the roots a good start. The next day I was showing the area to my young grandson and something had dug the bulbs up and thrown them out of the hole! We thought it was a territorial squirrel until we noticed the bear footprints all around the area! The prints also solved the mystery of what dug up and stole the fish bones and parts that I had buried in the garden after reading about the indians burying the fish bones to feed the soil! Needless to say I don't use fish emulsion now! Thanks again for the encouragement and tips, Betty""""""" ------- hi. I'm new to this thread and spotted this. Are you using fresh fish parts? left over after cleaning? that's what it sounds like. What the posters are referring to is a product that you buy, called Fish Emulsion. You dilute it and then apply as a spray or dunk. It's quit safe and not smelly. I'm very impressed with it. There are several brands. Betty if you are using fish parts, please consider the danger.. Years and years ago, a friend of my father did the very same thing. Later, when she was gardening (barefoot!) she stepped on one of these undiscomposed bones and she died.. jackjaw. (don't know how to spell the t...word. lol) Not to mention animals. Boy, if I did that i would have a yard full of squirrels and skunks. Now, on the bright side. I have Midwestern black soil. But it is of the wet 'puddy' variety, that morphs to brick when dry. I've been working this soil doing most of the suggestions that the board have mentioned. They all work. Only thing,it does take time.. I'm five years into it and just now I'm seeing real benefits! You'll get there! best wishes Sue
...See More
Getting Discouraged with Teas....
Q
Comments (77)
I think there are liriopes that are not invasive. Liriope spicata (monkey grass) is the one that spreads with underground runners and spreads a lot. I never installed it in my garden but all my neighbors complain that they cannot contain it - they want to use them as edging or in front of the border. On the other hand, I saw once a garden on TV, I think the garden was in Georgia where liriope was used instead of the usual lawn grasses. It looked lush, gorgeous,deep green, etc. In addition one doesn't have to mow it weekly, formed such a thick mass that no weed had a chance to get through (what a dream!) and provided a stunning foundation that elevated, lifted up and improved the flowerbeds tremendously. I wish I could get rid of our Bermuda grass and plant monkey grass instead. Still I would not like to plant it as edging in flowerbeds. The black mondo grass is stunning and it is said that to be non-invasive; I was tempted by that but then I chose dark purple oxalis instead, When these bulbs multiply, I just pull out a few bulbs.
...See More
I am getting discouraged trying to find the right antiques...
Q
Comments (20)
Lots of great, encouraging information from other posters. Dig in and have fun. If you have an idea of the era in which you prefer to decorate, look specifically for dealers who specialise in your preferred era. They're much more likely not only to find what you want, but to KNOW what they're hunting for you. If your needs are simple, and you don't mind the occasional replica or "fixit" item, go to any local auction or estate sale you can find. These events are a blast! I love to buy a junky looking bit for my house. After a good clean and repair, it's a functional furnishing with character. I'd like some of these bits buried with me when I pass on! And you never know-you might find some incredible things and bargain prices. If you've got meticulous tastes, you'll search for the better auction houses. These also attract deep-pocketed dealers and collectors, so you'll pay a bundle for your purchases. These are also highly pleasing events, as you can chat with some of the biggest names in the trade. It's a great learning opportunity. And there's still the chance that you can score a great piece fairly cheap. It's not easy to find designers who fit into your preferences. They do exist! Bear in mind that designers insist on ridiculous discounts from dealers, often severely limiting their dealer base. Or the dealers mark up for sales to designers in order to meet a margin. We need to pay overhead and bills, buy inventory, and put food on the table, just like anyone else in business. (and we like to have a little something left over for fun!) If you want to lessen the legwork, a designer is key. If you want to spend years learning, meeting folk in the trade, and accumulating a knockout decor, do the legwork yourself, following the pointers offered by everyone else here. I promise it's vast fun! Like Linda C says: "Yeah!! Dude!! ....I am so addicted!! "
...See More
Need Help! 90 year old mom's arthritis getting me down!
Q
Comments (8)
Shambo, I can certainly relate to your problem with your mom. My mom just won't take her meds....well, she takes the ones she's taken for years (blood pressure, thyroid, etc) but if her arthritis acts up, it's almost a war to get her to take any pain med. She tells me she's going to "tough it out" and I've tried and tried to explain to her there's NO good reason to tough it out...just take some Ibuprofen...at times, she will give in...her doc says she should take (3) 200-mg ibuprofen and when I try to give her 3, she says she'll take one, that's good enough..grrrrrr...so at her last doctor visit, I asked him for a prescription for 600-mg ibuprofen..so now, she'll take it!! And Deb, as far as the Percocet and generic not being the same for Al, it just may be true. I've had chronic pain for over 16 years and have been on many different pain meds to try to find relief. At one time, I was on Vicodin and tried to switch to the generic, because they were a lot cheaper, and found them to be not as effective. I was told that there are some generics that do not have the same quantities of meds in them; they may have the same ingredients, but not the same quantity - even though they tell you what is suppose to be in the drug, they are not always accurate and it just may be that for Al, it's not enough. One drug in particular, Synthroid (for low or high thyroid) is a good example. My doctor will not allow me to take the generic because she says the generics are not accurate enough and with thyroid you need to have the exact same dosage daily. So it's quite possible that Al can feel the difference in the drugs...it is frustrating though, isn't it? Here you find a drug that is so much less expensive...take care, Mimi
...See More
solstice98
19 years ago
Gin,
My mother is in a retirement home too. The people at the home will know about many resources in your area. You won't be the first to ask them these questions and I'm sure they'll be able to help you. As hard as it is to see your folks go through this, you are not alone and can get some assistant and advice from many areas. The hard part is finding the right people to ask! Let your first step be the administrators at the retirement home.
If they aren't as helpful as you would like - sometimes the fear of liability issues keeps them from making specific recommendations - call any of the elder care facilities in the area. They can help guide you too.
Anything you do will probably make your mother angry, but every thing you do will help them.
Kate

Mom's getting discouraged!

Comments (3)

barker_tx

agnespuffin

Related Discussions

solstice98

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US