When my sister and I were dealing with our father long distance, she found a terrific book that we both bought and used: "How to Care for Aging Parents," by Virginia Morris. We were so lucky that he could afford caregivers at home and that we had wonderful contacts in the town where he lived (where we grew up). Here's another tip: call your local office of Council on Aging and ask to speak to a staff member. Those professionals are an incredible resource for all sorts of issues, including Medicare, Medicare Part D (the Medicare drug plan), plus lots of other problems you may have in dealing with elderly parents or other loved ones, whether around the corner or across the country.

You have to have a schedule and you have to adhere to it as best you're able. Sounds really draconian, but it isn't. It's the schedule that will keep an elderly person on course (esp. if they are losing mental capability), allow you to accomplish that which you must do, AND schedule help/respite. Help/respite. You must have this. Trust me on this. I have had Mum with me for nearly 3 years now. For fully 2 of them I did it alone. After her stroke I knew she was no longer able to bathe alone. I hired a woman to come in thrice weekly and assist her. Smartest thing I've done in a long time! I don't have to do it, it accords Mum some privacy, and she has another person with whom to interact. I calmly told my brother he had to step up to the plate and do some caregiving, too. It wasn't fair that I gave up my former life and he had to give up nothing. He now takes her for a month at a time; usually every 2-3 months. I'm OK with that arrangement; but know if he scheduled a "bath lady" it would be easier for him to take her more frequently. Try to incorporate them into your daily errands. I pack Mum into the car (along with the dog) and she "rides shotgun". She is perfectly happy to go for a ride, wait in the car in the sunshine while I dash into one place or another... sometimes she wants to go in, too... so I usually allot enough time. If I haven't, I simply say, "No" and explain why. I will grab her a "treat" if she must wait in the car. I make sure we get out to do something "fun" at the next opportunity. It takes practice to venture out with an elderly, infirm person. You will learn the places that easy to access, have comfortable bathrooms, have help that is willing to move slowly and patiently with the elderly. Mum goes every month for a shampoo/haircut/manicure. The woman is a delight; warm, patient, and gives Mum her undivided attention. We are "regulars" at several establishments BECAUSE they are willing to make time for a slow, old woman. It's hard work; not always fun. I miss my freedom terribly, if you want to know the truth. But I can do this and feel it is important for me to do it. She ain't gonna live forever, afterall. (Hi Connie!)

Auntie live in assisted living,,,, absolutely not she would kill us all first. She has enough faculties and money to keep up with everyday living, a housekeeper,lawn boy and handyman do the hard stuff and hubby and I fill in getting groceries etc.We do NOT let her drive and we had to take away her checkbook as people were taking advantage plus she has a terrible case of the GIMMES Then one day she called my DH up and said a check had been returned and she had NO idea why when she did EVERYTHING right. Well we looked it over and said," Auntie why did you send them a check for 0 dollars and 0 cents? She said,"LOOK,,, right here it says amount you owe 0 dollars and 0 cents and I always pay EXACTLY what they tell me!" After that and a BRAND new security alarm being installed that she cannot use we took the checkbook away.She can be perfectly normal then switch to talk about her deceased husband and son and how they mow God and Jesus' lawn in heaven and she gave the heaven contractor 60,000 to build them a home up there and they had to use a helicopter to get the appliances in,heaven has two helicopters you know Then she will start on a casket being delivered to her front door with some guy named Girard and a naked woman having sex in it and on and on and then she snaps right back to reality and her normal nasty self. Honestly I like her better delusional! My dad loves his little place and people are so good to him. He has a great attitude.I live only minutes away and clean,do laundry shower,order meds and depends from the VA. I do not think we can afford assisted living for him. He Loves people and this p[lace has a lot of parties and functions put on by the catholic church. He would NOT be able to live there if I did not do for him and remind him to change depends etc. Any way the Social workers and VA and others have told us that they can live alone as long as they are NO threat to themselves or others. So we are sticking it out as long as possiible

too late for me, but will pass on the information! i assume it's on their site?