That story really struck me, especially the part about the mother pulling out her feeding tube. Last November my 94 year old mother fell again and was sent to the ER. Of course, we immediatly went to see her and she seemed OK. However later that afternoon she was admitted with a pneumonia diagnosis. Later that evening her heart started racing uncontrollably and they had to give her additional mediction for that. When we went to see her the next morning, we discovered that she had puffy white "boxing glove" things on her hands. The nurse explained that she had torn out the IV with her medications, so they had to put the special gloves on her. Before I even went into her room, I saw her with the gloves up to her mouth and she was gnawing at them trying to remove them. When she saw me, she started crying out my name, begging me to get those things off her. Then she started calling for my husband to do the same. I tried to calm her and comfort her but she was still horribly agitated. My mother suffered from Alzheimer's, so reasoning with her and explaining the need for the IVs was out of the question. I looked at her, so scared, so agitted, and realized that I could NOT do this to her. We had all the legalities and directives in place. We'd already had all the conversations. So I asked to talk to the doctor in charge. He explained that in my mother's wekened state, it could take weeks for her pneumonia to clear up. In the meantime, she'd have the IVs. Then, even if she got better, she'd spend quite a while in a convelescent facility recuperating. All I could think of was that she would end up so weak that she'd permanently be in a wheelchair. And with little ability to interact with others (Every medical crisis had a negative effect on her Alzheimer's). By the time the doctor was done talking to me and my husband, our daughter had arrived. She immediatly went into my mom's room, took the gloves off, and just held her hands so she wouldn't tear out her IVs. I told the doctor that I knew what my mom wanted, I knew she wasn't afraid of death. I said I couldn't sentence her to weeks or months of misery. I told him to remove the IVs and put her on palliative care. He understood and accepted my wishes. Both my husband and daughter agreed with my decision too. So we all went back into her room and spent the entire afternoon with her. We sang songs, I read the 23rd Psalm to her (she was still able to recite much of it with me, especially the part about dwelling in the house of the Lord forever), we talked about Greek cooking, and my daughter's upcoming wedding. Eventually her fiance arrived and my mom was able to talk with him too. It was a wonderful time together with my mom. When we left her, we all prayed together. And my mother said a strong, "Amen!" My biggest worry was that the anitbiotics she'd had for one day would somehow work just enough to prolong her suffering. The next morning we saw her again, but she was so weak and pretty much out of it. However, she was clutching the little teddy bear I got her the day before. Later that afternoon, I got the call that she had died. As strange as it may seem, the first words out of my mouth were, "Thank the Lord!" She wasn't suffering anymore, she hadn't died scared, agitated, or upset. I've never second guessed my decision. I remember her crying my name. She was trusting me to deliver her from that frightening situation. I was her only child, so the resposibility was mine. She died a good death, spending her last hours of consciousness with her family.

Wanted to add the following: He has just been diagnosed now with a cancerous tumor on one of his kidneys, and the doctor said he would die in 3 months if he does not have the kidney/tumor removed. He is so frail from the heart failure and first rehab/nursing home treatment and he developed a huge level 3 bed sore while he was there what a horrible place, I wonder why the hospital sent him there in the first place. I discussed this new problem with the other person he placed on his advanced directive, and we are going to his appointment on tuesday to talk with this doctor. Also, I found a rehab/nursing home closer to his house that has a 4 star rating and is so nice and the staff so friendly, I had him moved there. I asked them to get him a air mattress for his bed sore and its healing up quickly. He won't allow his daughter to come visit him because of her accusing me of things, that I personally had no control over. He has now asked one of the staff there to send someone to him to help him have her removed from his will. I told him to just relax and calm down, and not do anything like that. He said he is going to leave everything to a charity, if I don't want it. I have no control over what he does with his will its his decision and I don't want to know. I do know that he is so angry at his daughter, and really they became estranged last year, and I did not get involved with that family issue, as I believe it is something they need to work out on there own. Actually, I was hoping he would be allowed to come home after he recovered and they could hopefully work things out.

One of the newer issues that has arisen is Palliative Care. Oregon has taken the lead in this area and the POLST form (Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment) is a general form that has been standardized and can be used for consulting with any doctor or HMO. Interestingly enough, the website specifies a very specific Wausau brand pink paper (#65 Cover Pulsar Pink, to be exact) although it says any color paper can be used; the CPP is specified so that the form can be easily copied or faxed. This form is to be used IN ADDITION to an Advanced Health Directive, not in place of it. Some of the newer Health Directive forms include the POLST section, but many older ones do not (ours does not, for example, although it was created only 2 yrs ago in early 2007). The form can be downloaded at: http://www.finalchoices.calhealth.org/polst-form.html (I've actively linked it, below) Other info about the form can be found at http://www.finalchoices.calhealth.org/polst-hcp.html, such as an FAQ and a POLST Consumer Brochure. Here is a link that might be useful: blank POLST form

I have been were you are with my grandmother, my mom and my dad. It is not easy. What I learned from all that is to remember to breathe in and out! If you pray talk Gods ear off and invite him to go with you everywhere. Take time off by yourself even if it is only half an hour. Ask for help when you need it. One of the best things I got from caring for my family is when my father said, "I'm glad it's you taking care of me kid-o." You can do this! Keep it simple. One thing at a time. Try to look at small pieces of the picture instead of trying to look at the entire picture all at once. Feel free to email me if you want. Please believe me when I say I care. Suellen