I know its not funny but sometimes life just gets in the way or as you said traffic for one. Just be glad that they show up. Caregiving is hard on the patient too.
Mary

I feel your pain but how is it at the other end? Do they leave early? Stay over a bit? Can you find any mitigating extras? Other negatives like dogging it?

They've tried to leave early...especially the night ones, but I set my alarm for 7 am, which is the end of that shift.
[ I can snarl pretty convincingly if I'm woken early. ;-) ]

The regular caretakers are jewels but the day person still likes to slip in late.... kids you know.

Ah well, such an inconsequential thing to get upset over. I suppose a psychologist would say it's transference from something else that I can't control. Gee, I wonder what that could be!

Occasionally...stuff happens.

Regularly...nope! Put them on notice...and follow up. If you let it go, they will too. You're the gatekeeper in this deal. Warn them and then inform the the "company" if they don't shape up.

You have problems of your own. Their job is to be there to help you, not to offload their own issues onto you.

This post was edited by Gwarstong on Sun, Jun 8, 14 at 15:42

Have done. Now to see if "our little talk" has had any effect.

Now, if I could only get back the spoons and paring knives I'm missing.

I noticed that you said you rejected a number of care takers. The problem is do you want her to be gone so you can go through several more that might not measure up at all. When I had good ones for my folks I was thrilled & even made occasional allowences- I knew she was leaving fri. night to go overseas to get married, she was so excited, I sent her off 30 minutes early! When mom had to go to ER early in the week & gal had to stay hour over that fri. I sent her home hour early. She got paid for 4 hrs a day but was paid for taking care of dad while we were in ER & I got another relative to stay with mom so I could get home so she only worked 1 hr over. But it was worth it to us to have someone who would take over in a pinch. I wasn't allowed to give them gifts but they could take stuff fresh from the garden, tomatoes & oranges I gave them. . I did not like getting new ones as it was big hassle & I often ended up taking over as they were useless & I had to fire them. If the gal is really good & does the work well I'd think twice. You could tell her that since it is so hard to get there on time perhaps she could stand on & put the time in at the end of her shift, she might decide that she "CAN" get there on time. Jan

You have some good points, Sunny. You're right in that I really don't want to have to goi thru 3 or 4 more potential caretakers just to find one that works.... literally.

I've been there so sometimes voice of experience helps. I took over on dad's care for 3 mos as I was so sick of training people who didn't have a clue ,this was people from so called nursing agencies with nurses aid training, could do BP, help dad take pills(mostly vitamins) etc, they were not as bad at stealing as the "home companion " type people. When mom had to go to hospital once some men came in & stole a ton of stuff & we had locked up things we thought might get taken, jewelry, watches, stuff like important papers etc but they had truck,went in back & took tools out of dad's motor home, we had a padlock on double gates but didn't lock it, made it easy for them she opened gates for them & dad was so scared when I got home & she left, he was just hanging on to me. I called the place & fired her, she tried to come back twice, I changed the locks right away-next morning. Elderly parents are so vulnerable. If you interview a person & don't feel good about it, don't hire them, you probably judged them right..

SunnyCA, so sorry to hear about what your Dad went thru' with the robbery. The idea of something like this happening has crossed my mind.... more than once. We have to depend on the agencies to properly vet their employees, but I know this isn't always as carefully done as we might hope.

I live in Los Angles area & I know some are just hired, they didn't have a clue what to do. The Visiting Angels & Comfort Keepers are really just there, don't think most we had would even know what to do if dad had had another stroke. Of course when you 1st hire these people you don't think you need any one medical. They get paid less than 1/2 of the $20 hr. so barely above minimum wages. They spend lot of time on their Ipads or what ever. It was 1 of these people that robbed us. The medical agency was Philippine people & all were trained to do some medical procedures & only thing we know any of them took was some frozen fish. Not a big deal. They were mostly very kind & helpful & dad really enjoyed the women as they walked him they would say, come on papa you can do it 1 more time around the LR. Surprisingly they only charged $16 an hour with the 4 hr. minimum they were the ones I let go home early etc. They gave dad good showers & his hair smelled great & made sure he got his vitamins down, made sure his legs were covered if he was in recliner & going to nap, things family would do she did to make him comfortable. That means so much. They got $10-12 an hr. but the agency didn't make house calls, sent out paperwork& we filled it in& sent back but person at hospital had told us about them. I ran into 1 of mom's
nurses & she is now working checking out nursing homes & saw an orderly shove a man into a shower area against the wall very roughly(in a wheelchair) & she ran in & told him, you take him out of here right now & if you ever do anything like this again I'll see that you are fired. So it happens in large nursing homes too. That place has about 200 patients. Patients with visitors often get best treatment from what I saw. Hope you have a good friend or sister to talk to through all this. My folks are gone now so I am getting my life back but I sure wouldn't have changed way I did it, I promised them I'd take care of them as long as they could still move around with my help but if bedridden I wouldn't be able to do it. I have no regrets, I did the best I could for them & lucky for me they knew me .

Sunny, our agency now is tracking by ten-ths of an hour, it was that way on our last bill. I mentioned this to our caretakers and none cared. The couple of dollars that they lost didn't seem to bother them. Still, it will be interesting to see if having a smaller paycheck gets to them, after all, many days late will add up. And, you're right they get about half of what I pay the agency.

You were lucky to find such caring women. Ours are pretty good too. I just annoys me when they are so late that I begin to wonder if they're coming at all.

I don't have siblings, but I do have several wonderful friends that I can whine to if needed. ;-))

The relief caretaker finally went overboard and I fired her. Her transgressions finally were too many to tolerate. The agency sent over a man, who is new to their agency, who is highly qualified and does an excellent job for the night shifts. They could only find someone to watch DH for days on Sunday, so I'm the Saturday person. I find that I'm pretty exhausted after a 12 hour shift, so probably will need to have the agency find some one for Saturday as well... but I'm not ready to give up just yet.

I was wondering how things were going. I see you reached the end of your rope- that happened to me too. Enough is enough! Man sounds like he would be good & won't complain like some women do worrying about any lifting. I think you will probably like him. Doing it yourself will get old fast, you are rundown just by nature of being wife of patient. You should get someone! You will find out when it is all over that you are in worse shape than you think you are, it really wears you down. I'm just getting to point where I hear fire dept(it's about 1/2 mile away) & no longer jump up as I think I need to call & see if everything is OK. Just this week I have heard it twice & didn't get up. Still think I should circle all the things mom liked in grocery ads but as I take pen & start I stop now, no need to do that just circle what I need. But after mom died(dad 18 mos before) & all that stuff taken care of & bros. gone I was so tired I went to dr. for blood tests. Everything was fine but couple of days I was so tired I just crawled back into bed after breakfast. But finally got to go to GD's play she was in. Got to go out with friends to dinner. I hadn't realized what a toll it took, physically & mentally to be caregiver so have had to gradually build up strength to do gardening I used to do, painting, etc. There is lot of sitting & just being there as caregiver & I did lose more strength even tho I cleaned their house, cooked, gave dad showers, got him to bed at night, just use different muscles, I guess. Mom was harder to deal with as used to everything being perfect so tried to keep everything way she wanted. Probably worst part is slowly watching them go down. How is your hubby holding up? Dad was such an easy person but it's harder when they are difficult. Get someone Sat.'s & go take a nap!! You probably need it!!

Sunnyca, thanks for your support and kind words. DH always was a kind, easy-going man and now exists in silence - since he can no longer speak or do anything else for himself. He's totally there mentally and expressions his opinions by hand squeezes.

He had catheter issues the other night which were solved by a late night visit from Hospice. I went to bed at 1:30 am but didn't get to sleep until 4. I still haven't totally recovered from my lack of sleep, but am doing better today. I guess I'd better be back on track by Saturday. ;-)

I'm glad something is there in your hubby. Hand squeezes are good, I got them from my dad when he was having the final heart attacks & they stopped few hours before he died. Man I visit died today, he would have been 100 in couple of months. He cared for his wife for years she had such bad heart trouble, really admired him. A couple I visit the man just smiles & rarely says anything, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know me any more but is always glad to see me. He was never short on words but now is. Seems so strange. Hope you don't have very many of those late night problems, you will need a caretaker for you!!! YOU may need to take a lounge chair from patio or buy 1 for you to have close to hubby in his room. I had a webbed 1 in yard & was down with some crazy virus about 30 yrs ago. I was OK sitting but minute I stood up I was so dizzy. Dr. said they had a ton of cases, I was afraid hubby would get it or kids so I moved into LR so I was also close to that bathroom, added a folded comforter & sheet over that & pillow & really made a pretty good hospital bed. Injured myself couple of yrs later & added an outdoor pad & it worked well again as I messed up both knees, never squat over sink to wring out rag you are removing wallpaper paste with, tends to pull tendons & stuff. Anyway those things are adjustable so if you get uncomfortable you can go up or down, easy to remove when others are there & you could be nearby hubby but still get some rest. If you don't have 1 see if you could borrow 1 from someone that still has 1. Hope tomorrow goes well!

I have a large, comfy chair in his room, but using a lounge chair is a good idea for any time I might have to actually sleep in his room. That has been a problem in the past.

I have both a sister and a female cousin who have worked as CNAs, certified care aides. They worked both in nursing homes and in private homes. My hubby has advanced MS multiple sclerosis, along with "Alzheimers-like symptoms" (doctor's words) . He's confined to bed, though he can use a walker or sit in a wheelchair and be pushed if needed. He's been in bad shape for maybe 5 years. We hired a CNA three afternoons a week after he needed to be hospitalized a few years ago for seizures. We've used one agency and they've sent three different aides. The first had three young children of her own and was frequently absent, so the agency sent another gal who liked to sit in the kitchen and eat or read. She refused to interact with DH, saying "that's for physical therapists". I called the agency and told them never to send her again. They sent a third gal, who's been with us for years and is just plain super! The long and short of it is, don't be afraid to talk to someone at the agency if you are the least bit unhappy. This job has a high turnover, mostly due to the low pay, and there are always other aides happy for the hours!