Geez, I feel for you!! How awful I also admire that you are trying to tame your noise for your sick downstairs neighbor. If he feels like you are so noisy, these buildings must be incredibly bad as far as insulation and construction goes.

Really, there is nothing else to do but deal with it or move. Do you have enough money where you could afford for someone to come in and add blow in insulation in the ceilings and perhaps the guy under you could do the same?

The tip I found while recently looking is this............we had to move out of our dream home due to mine subsidence and had to find an apt. Well, there are so many new complexes popping up everywhere you start to look at the "pretties" and then I started to think about long term. The apt complex we ended up picking is made where the top and bottom unit are connected, but that is it. The units next door are not "connected" even though they are all the same building. There is a concrete firewall in between. I can honestly say, I have never heard my upstairs neighbors. There have been 2 families since we have been here. Never one peep. I might here their shower come on once in a while if I am right in the bathroom, but that is it. If you move look for concrete insulation, it makes a world of difference.

I am so glad I did not pick the complex that was extra gorgeous on the outside because I have since heard the noise there is awful. Ours is brand new also, but it is built so you can love your apt and also stay forever if you want to.

Apts/condos do such a disservice to people who live in them if they just slap them up and give no concern to the insulation.

If you love your place and it is on the beach......geez, I'd be tempted to stay and try and outwait them! Do you plan on living there long term if you can? If so, try and outwait them. Make them miserable with your complaints and hopefully they will leave!

best of luck!
Karen

thanks so much for your feedback! I really appreciate it, as this situation has been eating me up. When I made the decision to rent this place, my upstairs neighbor was on vacation - imagine my surprise when she got home at 3:00am two weeks after I moved it, threw her suitcase on the floor and blasted music.

I would love to stay in my apartment, but I don't see the situation really changing much. It's so disappointing, because I really thought that this place was going to be a wonderful and peaceful place to live. You are right, though, not to be won over by the aesthetics of a place.

The insulation in the building is horrendously bad. I will talk to my landlords about adding some additional insulation, however - that is a good idea.

I'm actually thinking about trying to save as much as I can while I'm living here, and putting a down payment on a house for when my lease is up. I'm not rich, but I feel like that's the only way to assure (at least mostly) that I will get some peace and quiet. I just don't think I can live much longer sleeping on the couch, being tortured by noise, and feeling like I'm torturing the man underneath me. It's really bad. My boyfriend comes over some nights, but I can never have any other guests over because of the noise they would have to endure, and the fact that they couldn't walk around!

it is great that you've found a quiet place to live! They seem to be few and far between, after reading many of the posts on this website.

Let me know what you do! I sure hope you can find peace. My husband and I lived in an apt years ago that was just awful. My gosh, it was so bad you could hear people peeing over top of us! That is when I learned to judge a complex by it's structural offerings instead of the looks. In the long run, the happiness comes from the quiet.

In our area there have been 9 new complexes pop up in one year, it was SO hard to choose one. They all have something neat about them that the next one doesn't have, ya know? I kept going back to the sound proofing though. Here was another thing that the manager here told me.........here they offer nothing, no free cable, no washer/dryer in the unit. They have hook ups but you must own your own. They have no move in specials and a huge deposit. The rent here is also higher than anywhere else in town. Now, that being said, the manager pointed out that when you come here to live, you want to make a home. If you are going to a complex because the cable is free, the washer/dryer are free and the deposit is free, you get what you pay for, which is nothing! I took it to heart what he said. He told me because I asked why this was the only new complex that had nothing like free cable and such. After he explained that , I totally understood what he was saying. It attracts a more considerate class of people because they are willing to accept the responsibilities of having to pay for everything. That might be another thing to look for.

If you can, save up and buy a home. One thing I can say from just moving out of one after 11 years........even though our rent is 4 times what our mortgage was, in the long run it is cheaper. No upkeep, no trash service, no water bill, no sewer bill......and the best is when the dishwasher needs work........it doesn't cost $100 just for someone to come look at it! :)

Hope you can make it!

"I'm actually thinking about trying to save as much as I can while I'm living here, and putting a down payment on a house for when my lease is up."

Home ownership is an American dream and something most Americans should do. If this experience drives you to do this GREAT! You shouldn't be saving for a home due to bad neighbors, you should be saving for your own home regaurdless.

just something to think about regarding the sick neighbor downstairs. He is MUCH better off with you above him rather than some much noisier people. So stop thinking you are torturing him. He is going to have an upstairs neighbor no matter what. What he has now is someone who is very considerate but needs to be able to live without tiptoeing around. So walk around normally (considerately of course, without your shoes) but don't overly think about him such that you can't live your own life. of course you should be able to have friends over.

thanks all,

I think my idea to buy a house was initially inspired by not wanting to deal with the noise, and wanting to ensure comfort, but it is something that I'm looking into pretty seriously. The market is pretty good now, I'm making a better salary, etc. I've spoken with my boyfriend and family, and my boyfriend (who happens to be a carpenter) is really interested in renovating, and my brother is interested in renting from me to help pay the mortgage. So, at least it's an option.

Also - you are probably right about my downstairs neighbor being lucky to have me (I'm a tiny woman) compared to a louder person. It's just tough not to feel bad.

It's also tough to ignore the aerobic exercise pounding above me right now!!! ugh...

thank you all for your replies, I appreciate them. This has been really difficult.

Your upstairs neighbor sounds like a real piece of work. Wouldn't it be great if she moved out and your brother moved in?

Nice of you to be considerate of your neighbor downstairs.

that would be great!

My upstairs neighbor hasn't left her apartment for 7 days, now. I hate to waste my time speculating on her, but what the heck? (I only know this because it snowed a week ago and she hasn't cleaned off or moved her car). Also, my boyfriend was here on and off for a few days because he was sick, and he heard her all day. He can generally sleep through anything, but couldn't even get a nap in.

I have had to listen to her every second I have been home.

All this means is that I've literally had no break from the incessant noise upstairs for 7 days - day and night, it's all the same banging, stomping, blasting TV.

Sorry - I'm working from home today because of the snow, and I can't concentrate at all.

I hate her feet!!!!

just a note about your downstairs neighbor.

If you can present to him the same considerate, friendly concern for him that you have showed to us, maybe he'll understand how lucky he is.

I wonder if you could ask him to come up to your home the next time the noise is louder than he wants, so you can open the door to him in your stocking feet, show him your rugs, your bed on the floor, and so he can hear the bozo above YOU.

Maybe he'll realize that you are doing the best you can, and he'll get off your back. And maybe YOU will relax a little bit if you know you've had a chance to get him to understand that you are TRYING to be an ally for him in his fight against cancer.

Well, I'm at the end of my rope....I've decided to try and break my lease and leave early. I could really use your feedback on the best way to do this.

Please bear with me, I'm so upset I'm practically shaking. I had to take another sedative tonight because I'm so worked up.

Today was my birthday, and an awful one at that. My boyfriend came over at 8:30pm and brought me a desk he made for me as a gift (he's a carpenter). He very quietly placed it on my carpeted floor. Did not drop it, did not drag it. Mind you - I tiptoe around my apartment on a regular basis, and never do anything loud. I understand that noises on surfaces echo, so I am careful when I even place things on tables, etc. My downstairs neighbor (who I understand is sick and needs rest) starts slamming on my ceiling, and then just slamming everything downstairs. I was so upset.

I understand that I may have been a smidge louder for 5 minutes than I normally am, but I have done everything in my power to be silent (the above mentioned removing of my bedframe, etc). I have done everything he has asked me to. He slams on the ceiling when I have anyone over, at any time of the day!

On the other hand.....it is after midnight right now. I've got 3 fans going, my TV on low, and I've been startled 5 TIMES out of my bed (really my living room couch) by loud banging, dropping things, etc., above me. I hear her pacing around upstairs making no effort to be quiet. One more loud noise and I'm going to slam HER ceiling.

In case anyone thinks that I am complaining about the same thing my downstairs neighbor complains about me, I'm not. I have carpeting and carpet padding, upstairs is hardwood floors. I am only complaining about the intrusive noise made after 10:00pm. I tiptoe very deliberately and quietly around my apartment, moreso at night. She walks fast, stomping on her heels. I listen to my IPod, she blasts music at any level whenever she wants. This continues until at least 3:00 am every morning.

I can no longer take it. How do I get out of a lease that is not up until September? My landlords are very nice, and responsive to my needs in general. I want to do this respectfully and responsibly. It is not in my nature to use lawyers, etc.

Please help!!! Xanax is no longer helping my anxiety in this matter! ;)

This is in response to homeownership being an american dream...HAHAHA!! Not for me it isn't. I am 43 years old and rented most of my life, different apartments, then a house for 16 years..then I made the big leap..bought a house....hmmm. no one fricking informed me of the teenage boy next door that drums all the darned time!! Found that out when I moved here..I didn't mind it at first cause I was having worse problems with my ex-next door neighbor in the house I moved from..well, at 11:30 p.m. he was at it, drumming hard. I can lay in my bed and feel the drumbeat..I went over and nicely said that I didn't care about during the day but after 11:00 p.m. is a no-no. He has complied but during the day he goes at it like crazy..I work at home and find it soooo hard to concentrate with my chair vibrating and all.. what the hell am I supposed to do if it is during the day?? I am so ready to sell this "American Dream". Oh yeah, the smaller kids that live their too have their lil friends over and want to use my yard as their playground..I finally forked over 150 bucks and had a friend put up a lil picket fence down the property line and since then, they won't hardly speak to me...oh well..so much for the American Dream of homeownership...I am at my wits end here..any suggestions...Oh, I have been put on Xanax also :)

here are some ideas:
make sure you document every complaint about both your upstairs and downstairs neighbors. Do you have anything in writing or have you been keeping a log? There is probably something in your lease about 'quiet enjoyment' of your apartment which you are clearly not getting from either direction. Make sure you complain that your downstairs neighbor is harassing you. Too bad about his health, but like I said before, he lives in an apt. and is going to have an upstairs neighbor no matter what.

In the meantime while you are working this out or preparing to move, I don't have any suggestions about dealing with the upstairs neighbors but maybe you should write your downstairs neighbor a letter and tell him that his behavior is severely bothering you. Document what you have told us (rugs, tiptoeing, bedframe) etc and then tell him you are considering moving out because of his harrassment. Then suggest that the next upstairs neighbor he has is almost certainly not going to be as quiet or considerate as you -- and maybe they will have a toddler who runs and jumps around etc. Maybe the threat of you moving out and having to deal with someone much worse will stop his banging in the short run and at least give you some peace from the downstairs direction.

If those noises are SO loud upstairs, perhaps it's understandable that your DOWNSTAIRS neighbor was startled out of his bed by noises from your place.

Maybe you've been thinking your upstairs neighbor is slime, when she's just walking around the house in a normal manner.

it's the building. I think you need to ask your landlords whether they'd release you becuse this is just untenable.

Otherwise, it is perfectly OK to now get pissed off at and yell at your downstairs neighbor. Sure he's sick--but you have done everything you can (does he KNOW what you've done? Be sure to tell him), and you are allowed to live. He desn't somehow get a pass on how he treats YOU.

At the very least, I'd write him a snippy note and cc: the landlords. "I understand your situation, and I've done my best. I do X, Y and Z. I've changed my furniture around so that, even though it isn't convenient, I sleep on a mattress on the floor so as to eliminate the squeaks of a bedframe when I turn over in my sleep. I tiptoe, I set things down quietly on the dining room table, even. I'm happy to do these things, because I wish you well. However, your illness does not give you the right to slam your ceilings/my floors when I find that, in the middle of the day, I need to move a single piece of furniture around. Your ceiling-slamming rant probably took MORE time away from your rest than my gently moving my new desk into position. The anger that it took for you to pound on my ceiling for 15 minutes was probably more harmful to your recover than my potential 5 minutes worth of noise. If I can extend to you the goodwill to try so hard, day after day, hour upon hour, to modify my home and my behavior, then the least you can do is to be patient when I find I need to make a little more noise than normal."

I would just approach them and ask if you can leave. I mean it is not like you owe a mortgage on it, you can just walk away you know. They can come after you for the remainder of the lease however. I mean if I was totally miserable, I would up and leave, I wouldn't even think about it. Actually, this was about 15 years ago, but my husband and I broke a lease early. I had a TON of documentation when we did and as soon as they threatened us with a lawsuit, I handed them a copy of my documentation, it never went any further :) Start a journal now, keep notes, write everything down, ask them to let you out, if they say no, then make note of that also, and then leave. Life is short, live someplace you enjoy and can make a "home".

Best of luck!

Talley Sue wrote:
"If those noises are SO loud upstairs, perhaps it's understandable that your DOWNSTAIRS neighbor was startled out of his bed by noises from your place.

Maybe you've been thinking your upstairs neighbor is slime, when she's just walking around the house in a normal manner.

it's the building."

She is so right.

A subletter moved in under my old NYC apartment one summer. Each morning, as I was getting ready for work, I'd be assailed by that frantic banging on the ceiling. I don't stomp. I wasn't doing aerobics or moving furniture. I didn't even get up especially early - 7:30, like most people. Chastened, I started tiptoeing around as I got dressed, so I was incredibly frustrated when the banging continued. It is frustrating to be banged at when you are definately only engaging in normal life activities which ought to be non-offensive.

Before I bought a vintage condo, I set up a second showing after business hours when the owners upstairs would be home. Boy, were they ever. My real estate agent said she couldn't believe how they were stomping around. But I know they weren't - This construction just seems to amplify noise. I ruled that place out and bought a top floor unit instead.

My heart goes out to you because I am also a light sleeper and I know that I couldn't deal with that. Thank goodness I've always been on the top floor. That's where you need to get to, if not a house.

I think it's important to realize that both you and your neighbors are victims of poor construction. It sounds like the situation with the upstairs neighbor has escalated a lot, and probably can't be salvaged at this point. That's too bad, because some compromise on t.v. and music would be reasonable. But she's within her rights to have guests and walk around as much as she wants - she probably doesn't really stomp. I agree that calling the police probably won't help.

It's really nice of you to try so hard to please your downstairs neighbor. I agree that if he complains again, you should detail the pains you take, maybe show him your rugs and such, and point out that if you leave, the next person is likely to be much worse.

I hope you will be able to get out of your lease. Good luck. If that doesn't work, might the management consider allowing you to move to a top floor unit if there are vacancies?

Thank you all for your suggestions. Believe me, being able to vent my frustrations here at 1:00am really helped. I've really been a mess over this. I try to keep perspective, but after months of sleep deprivation, it's hard. Maybe I was a little pissy in my last post, but it was my birthday yesterday, and just wanted to have a nice day instead of it being ruined my these issues.

You are right - a large part of the problem is shoddy construction. I do understand that my noise is annoying to my downstairs neighbor. That is why I've been trying to be as quiet as possible. I know that he was probably startled by it. His complaints are valid. But I also feel that I should be able to make a bit of normal noise at 8:30 pm, when I am very quiet 99% of the time, and never late at night.

By the way, my upstairs neighbor walks around in heels, vacuums, moves furniture, and blasts music (in weird one minute intervals) from 11:00pm to 3:00 am after I have repeatedly talked to her about this. I don't really care about the rest of the day in terms of cleaning, walking and guest noises -just the night. She openly admits to being loud late at night, and has told me 'I will do what I want, if you can't deal with my f*-in schedule, then move'. That is why I think she is slime.

I left a long message for my landlords this morning. They immediately came over (while I was at work), and talked to my downstairs neighbor. They will be coming this weekend to fix the floorboards - I am so relieved about this! I agree that he was out of line last night. If he continues to complain and slam on my floor once the floorboards are fixed, then I will definitely say something to him.

My landlords then went upstairs and talked to the female tenant about being quiet between 10 and 7am. She was completely rude and arrogant to them, and told them that she will do whatever she wants whenever she wants. So, they went to the police and gave them her name - the police said to call them if she does anything really loud again. They then went back and told her they did this, and I think it really freaked her out.

(oddly enough, my landlords told me that she had a black eye. She also told them she stopped working, doesn't care about getting a job, and will live off the money she gets from her 'other people'. Don't ask me how she can afford a Lexus. Must be nice.) Sorry to speculate. It's just strange.

Again, I don't really think that the police route is the way to go, but if it will scare her into being more considerate.....

My landlords also told me that they have a potential 'rent with option to buy' house that I am going to see tomorrow. I think it's out of my price range, but they are actually willing to rent it to me at the price I'm renting right now, for the first few months.

I have really great landlords, I have to say. I really appreciate them. They did not have to be so proactive about this, but they did. I really called them just to make a complaint, and to talk about getting out of my lease. Instead, they immediately tried to remedy the situation. I know that there are a lot of awful landlords out there, and I am lucky to have people that actually care about their tenants.

thank you all so much! I wish you all peace, quiet, and relaxation in your apartments (or houses).

Awesome! Well, it goes to show that they value as a tenant and they know you are a good one and they are so hard to come by. Hopefully the house will be a good option, how nice would that be? Just ask lots of questions so you know what to expect and what expenses they expect you to take care of in a house.

I think that lady upstairs is a mess and obviously they would much rather keep you happy then some rude, unfriendly lady who could care less about her neighbors.

As for the guys downstairs, I do understand he is very sick and of course he needs quiet and rest, but really, you are going above and beyond to be quiet, he has been so rude to you.

Let me know how you make out with the house tomorrow! Perhaps it will be the answer to your prayers!

had you previously mentioned to the downstairs guy how much you are doing? Does he KNOW that you have done things to try to alleviate noise? Does he KNOW how much goodwill and sympathy you have for him?

I think sometimes, if the people below know that the basic ATTITUDE is good, they find it easier to be patient with the occasional noise that is inevitable.

Their negative emotions escalate out of control when they think that their upstair's neighbor's attitude is "fuggedabout you."

You're a perfect example! If your upstairs neighbor said, Oh, gee, I'm sorry--I'll try harder! and she did, if she dropped something in the bedroom at 1am, or had to go to the bathroom at 2amyou'd probably not be mad at that occasional, short-lived evidence that someone was upstairs. But because her attitude is clearly so disrepectful, ANY noise makes you madder.

(do your landlords own the individual condo you are renting out? i feel sorry for them--this is just going to be an ongoing problem, even if they help you solve your problem. One advantage of a co-op--if that upstairs neighbor were problematic enough, the board could force her to move out and sell)

You are so right! It does make a difference in terms of the basic attitude. If my neighbor was somewhat apologetic, or even put any consideration into being quiet, it would not be so hard to deal with. At least then I would know that she cared at least a little bit. Then, if she was noisy here and there it would not bother me.

My boyfriend and I have decided to rent the house that my landlords showed us. We have never lived together before, so it should be interesting. Right now I am not going to look into buying anything, but am going to use the next year or two to save up more of a down payment.

In a weird way, this situation caused me to take a look at my life and make some changes, hopefully for the best.

Thank you all for your feedback - these past few weeks have been torturous, and it helped me to be able to vent here, and get advice.

That is great you liked the house your landlords have and I am glad they were willing to let you have something else. To show you a house they have shows they probably respect you as a tenant so hopefully this will work.

Good luck with living with the boyfriend! I hope that works out and you don't end up trading one disaster for another, ya know? Keep us posted. When will you move in? So, you will also be taking on more responsibility? I mean do you have to do the lawn and things like that?

Best wishes and let us know what you do !

Maybe the upstairs neighbor is a hooker. It would explain the tromping in heels, late hours, and black eye. And the mysterious source of money.

Good luck with the house.

I feel unfortunate that I'm a part of this thread but alas I am also tortured by inconsiderate people above me...they seem to be hyperactive, continuously pacing back and forth and dragging furniture...I just don't get it...to add to it all, the entire place has wooden floors/walls so sounds are really loud. The fan (on) is my constant companion to drown it out, but I'm going mental and have started retaliating. Remember that song: "Walkin on the ceiling"...well I've started doing it (with my fists of course), I even occasionally drag a chair along the roof and it sounds really loud so they must hear it...hope it pisses them off and mystifies them as much as it does me...makes me feel better anyway.

CALL THE POLICE! I am pissed at both of your neighbors I can't imagine what you are going through. And while you are saving for a house have you thought about moving to another unit on the top floor in your complex or another apartment all together? I did that and although moving is hard and expensive it's worth it being on the top floor. I don't hear a peep!

Well everyone, I moved out about 3 weeks ago - into a house! At first I was worried because I've gotten so sensitive to noise from living in my apartment, and the house is on a busy street. However, cars are a normal noise that is easier to get used to - listening to constant banging, music and craziness from above is not. Not to mention being unable to even move in your own apartment.

I was lucky enough to move into a house that my landlords own, so I didn't have to break a lease or anything. My boyfriend is moving in with me because I can't afford it on my own. It is so much better - I can relax and watch TV, and not be woken up at 2:00am. Also, I can walk around like a normal human being.

If you are being tormented by noise, and you can move, I highly suggest it! I know that I was lucky in that I was able to rent a house, but if you can do it, go for it!