If you click on my 'My Page' link, there is tons of chicken info there that might help you, including on how to introduce new birds to an existing flock. I use a technique I call 'Meet & Greets' to get them used to each other in stages, which has worked great for me for many years. I turn my chicks out into the flock at the age of two months old when they are basically teenagers. Hens begin laying and roos crowing and mating at around 6 months old and so are considered adults then for all practical purposes. There is always going to be some squabbling and butt-kicking at first with new birds as the flock teaches them their place, and 99% of the time the newcomers will be at the bottom of the pecking order. It's up to YOU to be Head Roo (whether you are a man or women doesn't matter) and not to tolerate too much fighting. Remember that YOU are the head of the flock, no matter what. Good luck and congrats on the babies! :) Velvet ~:>

Thanks everyone! I really don't think the male was just being scarce. I had been watching this pair for a week and a half before they started laying eggs. I would always see them together and I would always see both of them. If the female was in the nestbox, Dad sat outside watching. For all four eggs (being laid) Dad was there. If I went near the box I got scolded by both the male and the female. Then that one day as I was watching Mom just acted funny and that was when I realized I hadn't seen the male. Today was day five of not seeing him. I realized I could have missed him when watching but I really think if he had been around when I went down there he would of scolded me too, not just the mom. Now an update from today. I was watching and I saw a male BB! Watched them for a LONG time, lots and lots of wing waving going on by both but mostly the male. Mom would go in the nestbox, peek back out and then fly to the male who was in a tree near it, then she would go back in. She did stay in after awhile also and the male went to the nestbox at one point and peeked in. I went down during this and set some crickets out. Mom immediately went down to eat, male just watched and wing waved. When I went down there mom scolded me, the male did not. I think this is a new male but I guess I won't know for sure unless the eggs hatch and I find out if he feeds them or not, either that or if he gets her to start a new nest. What do you think?? I am going to post this question in a new thread too as I am curious what everyone thinks as to if this is a new male or not. Does wing waving happen during incubation by an established couple?? Donna

ur welcome... tuff to do, but hang in there. The group therapy might help. If Dad isn't contacting your child, that might be a good thing in having an ability to keep the disappointments to a minimum. Don't make promises for him - keep things on a "last-minute" basis -even though you know about it. It will be a good surprise if it comes to fruition. Sooner or later, your child will realize the truth and make decisions on where his love comes from. Just prepare yourself for backlash on that one. The anger may come out in all ways - even blaming you. Just remain close to your chile and it will probably be OK. I was never angry with my Mom. But the chaos paralyzed my success. I'm OK, and always have been, but I know that home would have been more settled without the worry and frustration, and anger. BUT, there are wonderful stories out there - kids are resilient. Many times they try harder to equalize their situation. Your child has YOU to help get through this. You have to deal with your hurt and pain - that's the most important thing. As stargazzer said, it may be something you have to swallow so you can emotionally move away from the situationon. You can't worry about what you can't control. You have a lot you can control - the love in your home for one. We all have a cross or two and I really believe you can carry this one with that love. Just think of it as one huge vitamin pill - LOL!! You will feel great at the end of the day.

Well Momof5angels, can I share my touchy pictures-of-mom-and-dad story? I have the same situation, except it's not one picture, it's a bedroom full of pictures like this. Childhood pictures of the three of them, or pictures and drawings of just her mom. I think I'd be more understanding if (from all their accounts, I've never met her) she was a loving wonderful mom. They tell me she was/is a drunk, a user, a seller, and had several BFs behind dad's back. One of SD's complaints is that her BM would come home from work, go to her room and ignore all 3 of her children. Dad made major life changes and wanted his then wife to clean up her act too. She didn't want to leave her BF and partying ways, so he divorced her and they shared custody. (Only the SD is his. Other 2 were fathered by someone else.) Five years later, I enter the picture. Dad has since gained full custody of his then 14 year-old daughter. It was SD's choice to leave mom's filthy, unkept house where the live-in BF hung around drinking all day. Well, my custody arrangement w/ my ex requires that I live in my current town. I let my then-just-dating guy know this immediately and he let his daughter know she'd have to choose whether to live with us (4 hours away) or stay at her mom's. BM flipped out! She threatened to have a friend of hers come over to the dad's apartment (while we were house hunting) and rape her own daughter to punish her for even thinking of moving away! What kind of mom threatens her own daughter to have some thug rape her as punishment? Well, SD decided to come live with us. (14 then, 19 years old now.) I know it's hard to leave your home town and move away from friends! (I'm a former military wife, moved 20+ times over 9 years!)We made all sorts of accomodations to try to ease her pain of having to move away: taking her back for every school holiday and summers to visit her friends and family. (Expensive!) Unlimited Internet and cell phone access to her friends/family. I certainly don't expect SD to deny her past! I want her to treasure the happy moments, like we all do from our childhood. BUT! We all eventually move on into adulthood. I was a professional photographer and we have TONS of current photos of all sorts of family functions. I do scrapbooking, painting, collages, sewing etc. and have let her know she can invite friends over from her new school or our new congregation for any of these or other activities, but no. For the first 2 years of our marriage she spent her free time online or talking to all her old friends w/very little effort to make "new memories" to hang on the wall. I talked with my husband letting him know I appreciate we all have previous memories to treasure, but she seemed stuck in "Little Girl Land" and was in denial. We had a discussion with her once to encourage her to do things with us, make new friends, start taking the steps to becoming a young lady. She bawled (literally) about "not having a childhood." She was 18 then and had no plans regarding her future. A job? College? Move out eventually? I'm just the meanie "not letting her have a relationship w/ her dad." Our parent-child relationships evolve over time. She was 18 then w/graduation just weeks away and it still hadn't dawned upon her to make plans for schooling or employment!It's not that she doesn't know, it's that she doesn't want to learn ... at least not from me! I was stunned. Oh yeah, you had a childhood, I told her. Unfortunately, it was pretty crappy since your BM neglected all 3 kids! (So why is she the one STILL adorning the walls?) I try to be understanding that since BM didn't teach SD any personal hygiene skills or etiquette, it isn't automatic. But, I ask my husband, she's been living with you for 4 years now. So why does she still belch w/o saying 'excuse me'? Spit phlegm out the window? Take food of my plate? Keep her room in total disarray? I'm "the bad guy" for expecting her to not sleep in till noon, take a shower and be presentable every day, (not just when we'll go to services), further her education so she can become self-sufficient some day, and bother to include us in her major life decisions? I'm the one driving her back and forth twice a day to two different schools so she can take foreign language classes, to doctor appointments, etc. I don't WANT to replace her mother. I want her to learn from my varied experience, not criticize my cooking, home decorating, etc. I love her dad, and she's part of him. I guess it must be crappy to have to accept that your mom is a disappoint. Maybe she feels she'll be disloyal to mom if she likes me? I wonder this because now she does do things with other people here. And I mean other people MY age(40), not just with other teens. She goes to their house to watch movies, eat dinner, etc. I ask her dad, how does letting her do this promote family unity? Sure, I think these other women are great friends to have, but now even they replace me and take her to functions I should. They'll have some congregation event and my SD, not me, is the one invited to share a dish. Am I the wife, or is she? Example: I recently invited my husband to go to bed early for once, so we wouldn't be so tired for our "private time." His response? "When do I get to spend any time with (SD)?"(They spend hours watching movies together almost every night of the week!) Anyway, I'm going on and on ... guess it's not just the pictures of "Mommy Dearest" still on the wall that bother me. BTW, I am also a high school teacher and deal with some pretty rough teenagers every day. My students send me cards, give me hugs (nothing inappropriate) and say "thank you" for sharing life's hard lessons. My husband's response to discomfort over walls of BM photos? "It's her room." Excuse me? If my 18 year-old or 9-year-old hung a photo of their father, or our former family, in "their" room, I would talk with them about part of healing is moving on. My girls' dad left me for another woman, has since left her and is now shacking up with a third. (I only hear this through the grapevine, I don't ask!)So does he have a place in my home? No. In their lives, yes. Hang those pictures on your apartment walls, not my house. I gave my ex tons of family photos to give to our daughters, but no, those will not hang on the walls of where my current husband is to be respected. Am I being too sensitive? What do you all think? THANKS! No one I know personally understands this from their own experience.