I appreciate everyone’s thoughts on the matter... we live in the “Recreation” house..... pool, b-ball court, trampoline, tether ball, we were especially excited when we moved in for our preteen daughter.... to have friends over with lots to do! My brother with his younger daughter are constantly over. they live with his wife and other family members ( mother -law, 2 college age kids, 3 dogs( full house!) but because it is so much fun to hang at our house And because he stores many of his toys” quads” at our house he may call “ we are on way to pick this or that up”... but then it’s not just a swing they but a hang out. My niece loves us and is hungry for attention... but sometimes my little family ( husband and teen) need our own down time, grounding out time. my niece is hungry for attention so I feel rude to not drop what I’m doing but I also feel it impinges on my husband and daughter’s time. I feel like my brother thinks we are home so why not come over... but I want time with just us at home!!!!! The other day we had been out to daughter’s soccer game and she had made plans to go over to a friend’s house for a couple of hours..... my brother communicated (texted) that he was swinging they to pick something up... and brought my niece with him- when my daughter was on her way to leave my niece fell apart that her cousin was leaving!!! I confronted my brother that we had made plans and we’ll, my daughter went to her friends and my brother and niece hung out for 4 hours!! Might I mention they came over for pizza the night before!!!!! Now the last day of the weekend I know he is “swinging by” again and I really would like to not “ entertain” or give out attention beyond my husband, daughter and dog today. Help!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. The hole where someone loved was is too hard to bear sometimes. My sister has made 4 attempts since she was 16 and still lives. She's 65 yrs old now. Each time we came home early from a trip or a friend stopped by on time for serious medical intervention. She's always had constant loving care and lives with my other sister so as said above when someone spirals in that direction there is not stopping them. We have been lucky but who knows if that will continue. :(

The problem comes when the other party stops making payments and you have to sue them. The lawsuit will cost something and there is guaranteed to be a big hot mess with everyone upset when you do sue. Having it in writing is a great idea, however simply because it is in writing does not mean things won't go wrong. And it won't mean you don't lose friends if something happens. In this case there was land to secure the loan. However, if it is an unsecured loan and the other party has no money, you may not get your money back. They can declare bankruptcy. Or you can go to court and sue and get a judgment, and if they have nothing, you get nothing.

While I agree with the suggestion to check out his space first, I know that I would probably feel comfortable having a back up plan. Do you know his favorite sports team? My husband is a diehard Yankees fan and we do not live in Yankees territory. Any gift of authentic Yankees garb is always appreciated by him. Some generic gifts that I think are not always perfect but are universally appreciated are: a nice pen, a great knife, a pepper grinder. Letter opener used to be on this list but I dont think people get much mail anymore, though I still love my letter opener. Someone once brought me nice cork coasters with an image of our state on them. A totally generic gift from someone I barely know that I adore. Another gift I rec'd which I have since gifted to others is a long handled shoe horn. I thought it was kind of a weird gift at the time, but it actually hangs in our mudroom and we love it. You can put on your shoes without bending over, even my kids love it and their friends have asked for one- LOL.