You are nicer than me. I am a tomato hoarder.

So far I've given my neighbors squash, berries, herbs, salad greens...but not one tomato. No, not one. I cannot spare a single tomato.

I go out to my garden every day and drool over the ones that are ripening, and the moment they are, I eat them.

Even if I had 1000 tomatoes, I doubt I'd give any away. They are like babies to me. Little edible delicious babies.

Joellen,

I used to give away a lot of tomatoes. Lots and lots and lots. Back then, though I had over 400 plants and had plenty to share. Once the deer found the plants that were not in the fenced garden, I had to restrict myself to only what fits inside a fenced area, so roughly 120-140 plants. Since I cut back from over 400 to about 120, I have a lot fewer tomatoes to share.

To a lot of people, 140 plants sounds like a lot, and it is. However, over half of them are heirloom types that tend to produce relatively few fruit per plant. And, if a plant isn't producing well or is sickly, I can just yank it out and discard it because I have plenty more. I've already yanked and tossed one this year.

The weather this year is the worst tomato weather in several years with heat arriving far too early. Anyone who knows me and is waiting to receive my 'surplus' tomatoes may be disappointed because I don't think I'll have a surplus.

I do hate having to say 'no' to someone who wants tomatoes, but you know, they could grow tomatoes for themselves too. And, you know that it gets more complicated than just saying yes or no. For example, if DH's boss asked if I have any extra tomatoes, I'd send him some and not just because he is DH's boss but because he's a great guy and I've know him forever--I knew him back before I even met DH. (I sent him plums and peppers last week.) So, I guess what it comes down to is a decision about who is 'worthy' and will get tomatoes. This year the 'worthy' list is pretty short!

I don't know about the edible babies part (laughing here). I don't think you'd eat your human children! I'm just teasing you. The funniest thing is that I can give away a hybrid, run-of-the-mill red round tomato just fine. Sure, go ahead and take it, I'll tell someone. But, my heirlooms are precious edible fruits that aren't going anywhere....I made the mistake years ago of sharing black tomatoes with my nighbors and they all loved them. Since I grow fewer tomatoes nowadays, I don't give the black ones away.

Some of these same people who aren't getting fresh tomatoes from us this summer still will get canned tomatoes in the form of Annie's Salsa as a Christmas present. They just have to be patient and wait a few more months.

Dawn

Dawn,
Back when, I faced the same problem. We all have to learn the hard way.

I used to give away quite a lot of tomatoes as well as other veggies to friends. One made the mistake of telling me she was giving them to all her relatives who I didn't even know. She, by the way never grew her own to share with her relatives. Well, that stopped.

Then, there were "friends" that ONLY came to visit when tomatoes or something else was in season they liked, and would inevitably want to tour the garden. That of course led to "Oh, those look so good. Would you might if I picked "just a few?" The "few" usually ended up being a grocery sack full, which they "just happened to have in the car".

Then there was the one who said she never gardened because a hoe didn't fit in her hand. I noticed by the size of her that obviously a fork fit in her mouth.

If people would ONLY realize the money, time, and hard labor that goes into growing tomatoes and other veggies, they might just stop and think, but they apparently don't.

If they've ever put this kind of blood, sweat and tears into growing, they'd know!

Oh, a cake swap? Cakes can be made inside an air conditioned house with a few ingredients and a little time. Now, if it was a made from scratch 3 layer German Chocolate cake with all fresh top quality ingredients, I MIGHT think about it. Otherwise...no!

People swarm when harvest time comes is starting to remind me of racoons during corn season.

I guess maybe I'm becoming cynical, but I've been there done that. When veggies become beggies, I'm outta there.

One should never have to feel guilty for refusing to give away our labors of love and necessity. Anyone with even a postage stamp back or front yard could grow a pottager garden with enough tomatoe plants or whatever to put on their table don't you think? They water their lawns and mow the grass which is just taking up valuable tomatoe and veggie space.

Anymore, when someone asks for freebies, I just tell them, "Oh I'm so sorry but I just grew enough for our own use".

No guilt tripping allowed.

My pet peeve too,

Barbara

And Dawn I thought I was the only meanie. In the past I have gave away lots. This year the list will be short on give a ways. My sister , BIL,nephew and step dad always get all they want if I have plenty. Then this year after that a few close friends and a few elderly that can't garden anymore and the rest can buy them if they want them. Hopefully I'll have extra later. After the last two years I have lowered my expectations so I'm not disappointed. And then will will excited with any over that.

Knock on wood so far I'm getting better set than in the past two years. Not great but enough that through July anyway I should have plenty for the immediate family. Like my BIL's mentally handicapped brother tells me about the wheat crop "Jay you can't sell it till it is in the bin." The same with tomatoes. Till they are in the basket headed to the house too many things can happen. Just because I have decent set now and still getting some set doesn't mean they will ever make it too being picked.

Ask the man who a few years ago decided that being I was having a bumper crop he would just drop by my garden and pick himself a mess about my reaction.It almost ruined a friendship. He never said a word to me. Heard I was out of town and thought he would be helping me out he said. Now my own sister and BIL don't pick anything out of my garden unless I'm going to be gone and tell them too. They will drop by and help themselves to what is on the table but they won't do more than stand and look at my garden from the edge. It amazes me how forward some people are. I've had them even tell me they want tomatoes but don't want the yellow or bi color ones. They don't need to worry they just don't get any.

I'm heading out to work again in a few minutes. With the heat comes more problems. Was out in the garden for several hours this morning. Seeing set on most of those I planted early.

Have you ate any Dana's Dusky Rose yet? I have some set now. Also have KBX set. The first time in 3 years of trying it. Hope they are worth the effort when I eat them. Glick's 18 Mennonite is getting some that should ripen in a few weeks. I could name several more. I think the reason we have been getting some set with the heat is the nights have been dropping into the mid 60's. Tonight it might be 70. They are saying that by Wed we could see some moderation in the temps. Mid 90's. Sad when mid 90's in moderating. So far the garden has held in better than last year. Knock on wood. I feel there is several reasons for that. A few are the steps I took after the soil test came back last year.

I planted 3 varieties from Native Seeds this year. Two look like cherry types and one maybe more of a grape type. Not expecting any great flavor. Wanted to see if they handled the heat and wind better overall than some of the others including cherry types do here. So far impressed. All 3 had fairly early fruit set. On the hot days they don't seem to look as sad as the others. Will know more by the end of the season. I want to find a few that I know will produce even in the harshest years. Hope you get more fruit set soon. Jay

No, I don't have any "extra" tomatoes....nor do I have any "extra" peppers! Dawn - has my MIL been down to visit you? LOL!!!

I'm not going to feel bad at all turning down requests for "freebies". This spring I offered and passed out plenty of plants to anyone who cared to go to the effort to raise them. If they didn't want to put forth that effort, then they'll just do without. I've even offered extra squash & pumpkin seeds with the same theory.

I made it very clear to my FIL this year that I have plans to preserve and use every single thing I'm growing, so if he wanted Jalepeno's....he'd be wise to take the plants I was offering. I have just a touch of guilt for that, because he always grows more then the two of them can use. MIL gripes when she makes dill pickles so there's always too many of something that he'll bring over to me because he knows I'll put it to good use. But after last year's blatant theivery - I'm not taking ANY chances. And she didn't even use her own bag! She first helped herself to MY Walmart bags! If necessary, I'll put a sign on my garden gate like last year - "If you didn't grow it, DON'T help yourself." Seriously....I really did that.

You guys just THINK I'm sweet and generous. I am...sometimes...when it's MY idea! ha!

Paula
(who admires the wise thinking of all my "experienced" garden buddies!)

Jay,
I'm with you. I will GLADLY share with any elderly who can't garden anymore or have relatives who share with them. Even to taking a gift basket of goodies that I know they'd never dream of asking for themselves. Then too, a lot of elderly can't do much shopping or can even afford the prices. Homegrown organic is much healthier for these elders just like it is for us.

For myself, I despair of the day when and if I can no longer garden. Maybe they'll find me out in the garden instead of bed when the time comes :)

As it is now, the only one's who've asked me for tomatoes were younger and healthier than me. The gardening does get harder as one get's older.

Barbara

Could you just tell them that it depends on your harvest? And, maybe offer seed to grow their own? I know that firefighter's and policemen often don't have the time to tend a garden because of their unusual schedules.

Just a thought.....

I remember that old adage, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish.....you know the rest.

Susan

Barbara and Paula,
We could recite stories for a long time. Like I said people never seem to amaze me. About the time I think I've heard it all then I'm told something else. The man who asked for tomatoes and peppers after I had offered him plants. I reminded him of that. He said I don't have time. I like to golf, go boating,ect in the summer. I said have you ever stopped to think I might like to do something else. He said oh you love to garden and I don't. I said yes and I love to eat what I raise also. And any surplus I love to give to those that can't physically garden for themselves or sell. Would you like to buy any. And he didn't think he needed any if he was going to have to pay for it. And a coworker found out I had thinned my onions and was giving away green onions. He asked for some. I said I'll be pulling some tonight and drop them by your house. He lives just south of me about 1/2 a mile. I was going to be delivering more and would be going right by his house. He said oh just bring them to work I don't want you stopping at my house. Needless to say he didn't get any. I don't bring much to work. The ones to lazy to garden themselves are the first in line. If you hand them out then someone gets their feelings hurt and whines. I have offered a few cheese to go with their whine. The stories could fill a book. Although by now most have figured out my garden is sacred ground and it is best to leave it alone. And they have also learned that if I want them to have something I will offer it. If not then no use asking. I can be short and to the point if needed. I even told one man one day I would throw the extra to the chickens before I gave him any. I said at least the chickens keep the grass hoppers thinned out so they have earned a few. Jay

Barbara CRACKED me up with this "Then there was the one who said she never gardened because a hoe didn't fit in her hand. I noticed by the size of her that obviously a fork fit in her mouth". Oh my!

I cannot believe the stories here and the rudeness of the beggars. Really I can't.

My neighbors are wonderful, and elderly. They are so, so good to me. They are both in poor health (the woman uses a walker and is on oxygen 24/7, the man is on heart meds and only has one usable arm).

I cook something for them two or three times weekly. Right now I have English Beef Pasties in the oven and I am going to roast some beets for them from the garden, so their dinner is taken care of. I have been helping their daughter, who is almost my age and moved back home after a lay off, with her container garden (with my very limited knowledge).

Still, I have not given them a tomato.

Maybe I will. I am starting to feel a bit guilty because they are the kindest, most wonderful people in the world.

Jo Ellen..
That is so very kind of you. I do believe "Do unto others". Your kindness will perhaps come back to you in the form of a even more bountiful harvest than you would have had otherwise had you not shared.

However, like the other posters, I believe in giving wisely to the most deserving and appreciative. I learned that lesson the hard way.

Barbara

Just adding my "no" to everyone else's. I've given several tomatoes away so far - but to the grandchildren (they don't qualify as "other people" and besides - they have gardens at home, mine just produced earlier than theirs.) I grew up with a mother who insisted we plant and tend gardens to feed all the neighbors, all the church, all the relatives, 1/2 the county, and anyone else who "happened by". Most of those people were quite capable of having their own gardens but found it a lot more convenient to let us raise everything, pick it, and bring it to them - then some of them would either complain about the quality or let it spoil because they "weren't hungry for it right now". I still divide with my elderly friends and relatives, or ones who are physically unable to be outside - but as you say - if you have room for a flowerbed or even a few pots on the patio you can raise your own veggies......you are NOT mean Dawn - maybe you are just getting wiser.........lol

It's a trend I don't plan on starting. I hate to be that way, and I have given to a neighbor extra plants I had, but that is it. I got into that problem once with cookies. I would occasionally make batches of cookies and other baked goods for my DH to take to work. It got so bad, people where coming up to him telling him "tell your wife to make ..... next time" and that is when I said "WHAT?? TELL ME?" and I cut that off quick after that. Now I only send stuff at Christmas.

Okay, here is how I solve the problem of people asking for tomatoes. I give them plants that I started. I always start too many plants, so give them away.

Of course I plan to share with the granddaughters. No longer have to share with my parents, because last year Dad went back to growing his own tomatoes and this year expanded his little plot to have room for several other veggies as well. And he's 83 and can't kneel because of a knee replacement. If he can do it a lot more could.

Oh, oh, oh. Do NOT get me started.

Too late.

I have shared and shared and shared for years and, finally, the last couple of years, I have had it. I've given gazillions of pounds of produce to all sorts of people, anyone and everyone that asked and lots more that didn't. It's to the point where people now say, each spring, "What are you growing in our garden this year?" and think they can come help themselves whenever they choose, as much as that want. Holy bad word. I cannot even express how fed I am with all of that.

Same for plants. I've tried giving seedlings and seeds away, sharing and sharing. Some folks just say, "No, we'll just eat from your garden. It's too much work for us." Others take the seedlings and then let them sit to die. Year and year after year. They don't even bother to try. They don't return pots or trays or anything. Not that I really care but, if someone gives me something, I do my best to return jars, pots, etc or at least return the favor. And you know what? That part doesn't even bother me the most, it's the fact that they take the plants even when they have no intention of planting. Or when they collect tons and tons of seeds and plants from me, only wanting to give them to other people to show how "giving" they are.

I have a neighbor who raided my garden, and took lots of my plants to let die, because of the work that would be involved. Blah, blah, you guys know the story. The last time, I asked her to bring boxes to carry the pots of seedlings in so I could at least keep my trays as I was running low that year. She didn't bring them so asked if she could use my laundry baskets and would bring them right back. This is in addition to the trays -- she set the pots in the trays and the whole thing in laundry baskets. I had no clue why but whatever, she was bringing them right back, right? Eight laundry baskets and, nope, she did not bring them back. I went down and asked for them and she said, no, I was not getting them back. She laughed and said, "Oh, those are mine now. You gave them to me, silly!" Wow. Never did get those back and had to use garbage bags for laundry until I could afford a couple of replacements. She is one of the ones that, to this day, ask every year what we're growing in "our" garden. She's also one of the main reasons we got a family guardian dog and have instilled the fear of him in her. She thinks he'll eat her. :-D

I just cannot grasp the types of behavior I have seen since I started gardening. Gardeners, TRUE gardeners, like those of you here, are the most giving people I have ever had the pleasure to know. I'm not just blowing smoke, either. I mean it. And you guys know what I mean. But it's time we start standing up for ourselves. We can still be giving without letting the leeches suck the life out of us. I have a few friends that I will continue to give both produce and seeds & plants to because they're either elderly and/or people not taking advantage -- they actually try to put forth some effort or appreciate the effort we put into it. That doesn't mean everything gets used because we all overlook things from time to time. I do it far too often because I have too many irons in the fire. But that's just part of being human, not the pure greed and laziness of the others.

Grrrr. Really, I could go on and on and on but, suffice to say, I've finally had enough. After this year's accident and seeing folks' true colors in a time of crisis, I'm done. I will continue to provide the good people but the rest can take a flying flip because I'm done being "nice"(read: being a sucker).

Diane

P.S.

Jay: I sent you an email through GW so be on the lookout -- or holler if you don't get it, pretty please, and I'll try again.

The dialog...

"Every year I start a lot of plants, but since I have a limited amount of space and energy, I only grow the things in my garden that I really have use for, so there are no extras. After I choose what I will plant in my garden, I make the extras available to friends, so if you are interested in planting some really nice things next year, be sure to come get the extra plants."

Having said that, there are people that I share with. My husbands grandmother grows a small garden now, but I grow a lot of things that she doesn't, so I take things to her.

When my neighbors are ill, I prepare food for them so they don't have to cook. Sometimes the food comes from my garden. I don't mean death-bid ill either.

I have one friend that can have anything she wants from my garden, but she is the kind of friend that would share anything she has with me, and I eat a meal at her house almost every week. I take a dish or two, but it doesn't come close to what she prepares.

We have one more couple that we share with a lot. They moved here from California and still like to buy everything fresh. She cooks a lot and loves my fresh veggies and fresh eggs. She brings us homemade cookies, chocked full of goodies, and laughing says it is payment. He is Mexican and has never seen a pepper he didn't like, so that works well for my garden.

Both of these friends are the kind I like to have. Neither of us would be offended if we did a lot for the other and got nothing in return. Neither of us would feel cheated or obligated. I don't have time for demanding friends, (I like to garden).

If you are growing more that you need and you think you can afford to 'give' a few, be sure to say, "Well I suppose that THIS time I can GIVE you a few". They can figure out for themselves if that means next time they ask, you plan to charge, or if you meant this would be the only time you would share. Chances are they won't ask again. If they do, then they have no manners, so why should you worry about your answer. No guilt trip required.

Holy cow you all are way more giving and christian and just nice than I am. If someone STOLE eight laundry baskets from me, I'd probably call the police, and/or pelt their house with poop-bombs.

joellenh - Please don't give Diane new ideas like that. LOL

Wow, wow, and...wow! I haven't run into this yet. If someone sees me eating a tomato or other things from my garden (this would have to be at work), and asks me to bring them some, I would just truthfully have to say, "I'm sorry - I can't. I grow this to eat, and to can for the winter. BUT...my income is limited and if I start selling my produce, I'll let you know right away so you can purchase some from me" Smile...smile...smile...
My dad, on the other hand, whose garden is on crack (haha; my daughters' opinion)...he gives tomatoes and cucumbers to a couple of different neighbors. One is always helping and giving in other ways, but does not have a garden of her own. The other is even more elderly than he and cannot garden. My dad would give and give, but my mom will probably put somewhat of an end to that. At this point, he is still in rehab (from a car wreck a month or so ago), and my poor mom is having to stay on top of things at home. Again, his tomato plants are way outproducing mine (and I thought his looked so puny, and I thought he put them out a bit early, blah, blah, blah...) Mine are ok, though...no sign of anything bothering them this year, thank goodness. I've gone with the Florida weave; I like it, but you've really got to be out there almost daily to keep putting a new level of twine up. I may have to go with re-bar cages next year - not sure.

Rambling...:) Sharon

Rather than having to "put off" unwanted requests for garden harvest, why not donate any extra produce you harvest to the following places that really CAN use fresh fruits and vegetables:

Children's centers
Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation Centers
Emergency Food Pantries
Group Homes
Homeless & Women's Shelters
Mobile Meal Programs
Mental Health Hospitals/Rehab Centers
Soup Kitchens
Senior Citizens centers

That way, you can honestly say to people that you contribute to those in need. Most of these places rely on canned and processed foods. Wouldn't it be great to donate your extra healthy produce? And, wouldn't they really appreciate it?

Food pantries have seen a rise in those in need, especially in need of fresh fruits and vegetables. We are rebounding from one of the worst economic declines in history and there are many folks in need of nutritious food.

Donating surplus harvests just seems logical, and a very good way to politely decline a donation to those who don't need it.

Just my line of thinking. I already donated 3 of my 4 tomatos to my daughter, LOL! She really needs it. ;)

Susan

After a man helped himself to a few tomatoes off my desk a couple of years ago and then made the mistake of saying oh it was just a few tomatoes get over it. And another took a jar of salsa out of my pu after I refused to give him any. My coworkers said they were going to make a sign and mount it next to my drive way. That instead of saying "Don't Mess with Texas" would say " Don't Mess with Jay's Garden or Salsa." They never have although I told them to do it.

Susan I've tried to donate to a few places around here. But after an employee tells you how good your produce was and her family really liked it I decided not again. Guess the employees at this place saw nothing wrong with taking what they wanted home with them. I give to those that I can give too directly and the others can buy it from me. I wasn't that way till the last few years. Got tired of getting took advantage of. I haven't even got started on the stories that I could tell. Each of us as a grower have to make up our own minds on how we will deal with excess produce. As I explained to one person who wanted free produce from me but wanted to sell me some pork he raised. The produce costs money to raise just like your pork does. Expecting one for free while charging for the other isn't right. These are just my opinions and how I handle things now and plan to in the future. After the experiences 2 years ago is when I decided any excess in the future I don't give directly to friends and the elderly will go to a farmer's market or they can buy it at my house. Jay

I guess I have the opposite problem. I feel like most of the time my friends and neighbors try to hide when they see me coming in the summertime ;-)

I also pull my John Deere garden cart out in the front yard and put extra garden produce in it with an honor jar. I figure if someone needs it they can have it for free and others who want the produce but won't take it unless they pay for it are welcome also.

I honestly don't worry about whether someone deserves my bounty; if they take it and their heart or conscience isn't right, that's their burden, not mine. I've always figured I put in the hard work, the result is my gift from God.

Just my take on things, to each his own.

Marcy

I sell my extra tomatoes to co-workers. 2 dollars a pound.

We do donate, not only food but time. We just do it directly to those who will not willingly waste (or steal), those who truly need it.

And you know what? None of the produce is "excess". I have yet to be able to grow enough food to support my family through the year. What I share with others takes away from my family's meals. We do it with joy in our hearts, though -- unless the receiver willingly wastes it. I don't God is going to whack me on the head with a bolt of lightening for using a bit of discretion. (Not meant towards your remark, Marcy, just an internal conversation I've been having with myself most of this year. LOL)

We're just about to head into town to drop off extra eggs with some of those same people who could use them. Just last week, one of those families happened to have a bumper crop of summer squash and shared their bounty -- 30-40 pounds of yellow squash. That was so appreciated because it happened right after I gave up on my squash (squash bugs killed 'em).

Oh, Jay, I've had the same experience! We donated and the workers themselves took the good stuff out and then threw the rest in the garbage. Other places won't take homegrown foods (and I'm not even talking about home processed, just fresh veggies), due to their food safety regulations or some such.

Sharing is a good thing. Sharing smartly is even better in my book.

Diane

It is discouraging when uncaring employees take for themselves food that was meant for others. There are some circumstances where donated food can't be used for certain reasons (regulations, expired dates, etc). My daughter works for a nonprofit organization in Seattle that coordinates services for the homeless and underprivileged, including some of the food banks. Occasionally on Fridays at the end of the day there are perishables remaining at the food bank that haven't been taken and will be thrown out, and they are offered to the food bank employees and volunteers instead of throwing them away. In the best of all worlds there would be a way of preserving those perishables for the next day of operation, but it isn't possible. There are times when it is better that the food is put to use rather than trashed. I know this is pretty far off topic from people asking for what we work hard to grow in our gardens, but just wanted to offer another side of the story as far as the use of donated food.

Suzie

Hey Dawn. I feel a rumbly in my tumbly. I thought I might swing by with a few garbage bags and help myself. Does that sound okay? ;)

Jo

Psst, Dawn, I have poop pellets. Want me to bag some up for you so you can pelt Jo? ;-)

Suzie, I'm sure most of us agree with that sort of use -- and are glad for it so it's not wasted. It's the other sort of thing that we don't appreciate.

Diane

No, no, no. I am not giving away the hard-earned fruits of my labor. Jo, keep your paws off my produce. lol

I knew when I started this thread, it would be a hot topic--a topic I do not even have time to discuss because I'm buried up to my earlobes in fruits and veggies, and I'm going to process and save as many of them as I can so we can use them for months, or years.

I am DROWNING in peaches and plums and have picked several hundred pounds of them in the last week. I also have purchased every jelly jar I can find in stores, and ordered a few other canning supplies online to ensure I wouldn't run out. For the next few days, I'll continue to be busy making jelly, jam, preserves, fruit leather, dried fruit, frozen fruit, and pie filling. I'm falling behind on the veggie harvest so must take time tomorrow to harvest the tomatoes, peppers and beans.

For years, I've freely given away all my surplus stuff, but now I preserve it because I cannot buy produce that is as fresh, or that is raised in a sustainable method in the way I raise our produce. For me, it isn't about money---I'd gladly spend the money to buy produce this fresh if it was raised in a sustainable method and if it was truly local and truly fresh. It is about quality.

Most people I've given stuff to in the past enjoy it and appreciate it, but somedto develop a sense of entitlement and begin to expect it (which I resent), as if it is my 'job' to raise free veggies or free fruit for them. That's why I stopped giving it away. The situation reminds me of something Dear Abby used to say in her column "No one can take advantage of you without your permission". I realized that was true, and stopped letting them take advantage of me.

When one specific woman started stopping by my house and saying "If you have any extra vegetables, you know where I live", which she did several times, and then told me it was too hot to work outside so that was why she didn't have a garden herself, then I resolved right then and there that I'd never give her another thing, and I didn't.

When I told Tim that I couldn't believe the guys at work were asking for veggies, he told me that they ask for them all the time, every year. He just doesn't come home and tell me about it. I have shared plants with some of them in the past, but the truth is most of them choose not to have a garden, so I guess having fresh, healthy, home-grown produce isn't that important to them if they aren't willing to do the work themselves to have it. We do a lot of volunteer work and Tim has a 3-hour commute daily and he still has time to mow and work with me in the yard/garden and to help with canning, so if he has time to do it, they have time to do it IF they want to do it. You know, it is the Little Red Hen syndrome. No one wants to plant and tend the corn, harvest it and grind it into grain, but they all want to eat the end result.

I'll always send stuff to a couple of carefully-selected folks because they truly appreciate the fresh produce and never act as if we 'owe' it to them. But, all the ones asking for it, they'll never get it. I was raised that it is rude to ask someone to give you a 'gift' and it isn't really a 'gift' if you solicit it.

As for donating to food banks and such, most of them have tons of red tape which makes it hard for them to accept produce from home gardeners and some of them don't even want fresh garden produce because they don't have the facilities to store it or keep it cool. I have found that small, local grassroots organizations, like food pantries at local churches, have the least stringent policies and tend to be happy to accept fresh produce.

I garden for a hobby, although really, I am so into it that it is more of a hobby--it is a lifestyle. I enjoy doing it and I share produce with others WHEN I choose to, but I would never go to the home of someone who makes quilts and ask them to give me a free quilt nor would I go to the home of an avid hunter and ask him to give me some venison from his freezer. So, why should the results of my hobby be theirs for the taking? That was my entire point.

Anyway, they all do get some of it when they get their Christmas gifts. Last year we gave away over 250 jars of stuff, and it was given with a loving heart.

Dawn

Diane,
I guess what really surprised me is the directors response. That is considered a benefit to the workers and saw nothing wrong with it. In fact guess the director took veggies home also. The last I heard was they were wondering why no one was bringing them anything anymore. DUH. When a farmer donates a pu bed load of sweet corn to find out it went home and thus hurt his potential market what do they think? Like I said very little people do surprises me anymore. Jay

Dawn..
I think we need a yearly thread to vent about these issues, which strangely... shouldn't even be an issue.

I have a problem with the hubris of some folks that do seem to think veggies grow on trees, and should be free for the taking..or asking.

Ya know, I do believe there's coming some hard times in this country financially. Those from the old school like our parents who grew their own vegetables did so to survive.

It was the folks in the country who had sustainable farms, with vegetable gardens, milk cows, some pigs and/or beef cattle that knew how to turn these things into food for their families with preservation techiques, that survived and managed to escape the soup lines in the cities during the depression.

Admittedly, there were a lot of farmers who had been forced off their places for various reasons, who had to find work in the cities...but many ended up suffering for it.

Somehow mainstream America has lost touch with the earth, and the knowledge of how to make it produce and work for them. What will many of them do when these hard times hit and they don't know what to do to survive? I wonder.

Even if people don't have acreages, if they have city lots, they can grow tomatoes, and other veggies and sometimes even keep chickens, or rabbits. Or learn to fish and hunt.

I try to teach my adult kids to do many of the things I've learned. Not that I'm not still in a learning process myself. So that when the time comes they'll at least know how to hunt, fish, grow and preserve food stores.

For those that are physically and financially able to grow and provide veggies for others and find it personally rewarding somehow to do that, that's their choice. I've done my share of that, but now.. not only can't but won't anymore, except for those I choose to..the handicapped elderly, including those on limited incomes, a few friends who've also extended their kindness in various ways to me and others, etc.

As for people that are too lazy to help themselves, and want others to provide the labor, etc to help feed them...well, I don't have a whole lot of sympathy. Even if guys working jobs that can't be there to garden during the day, and even if the wife also works, and they have kids, there's evenings and weekends when they could, and this can be a very useful and happy family project that would do wonders for all of them.

I don't think we have to make excuses for our choices in this, or get on any sort of a guilt trip. I for one don't choose to put a stumbling block in someone else's way by being their enabler.....or putting the temptation out there for them to take something they didn't pay for, (steal), just as it's against the law and moral ethics not to steal from a store, or covet what someone else has when they didn't pay for it...or work to produce it.

I used to take my pickup and buy hay from a farmer who had a money box out front. I always made sure I had the right amount for what I needed. Same with the fresh milk I used to buy, that was left in a cooler outside in gallon jugs. Those were the old days.

During my life I've been stolen from, cheated, lied to...and nowadays, in my neck of the woods, you wouldn't DARE leave a money box attached to a tree. The tree would be sawed down, the money box gone.

Even in the last few years, I've had gas stolen out of my car before I got the locking gas cap. Even had my new front porch swing stolen right off my front porch.

Nope, not gonna be an enabler, and fully intend to keep everything locked down as best I can. Too much crime and even home invasions going on and I think it's going to get whole lot worse.

If I sound like a skeptic, it's because I've gone through some of these things and learned the hard way. It seems like people with the times, have changed. We didn't use to have to lock our car or house doors, now we do.

So, Dawn, Diane, Jay, Carol, and whom ever has had to deal with this..stick to your guns. It amounts to learning how to say no, politely but without apology.

Off my soapbox, at least for the evening :)

Barbara

Barbara,

A very eloquent post, very true and very well said. The message of this topic, I believe, is that each one of us has to find a way to lay down the burden of others' expectations of us as well as our expectations of others.

For example, for as long as I can remember, I struggled with the spectre of the needy or homeless. I have been blessed and believe that to whom much is given, much is expected. I became exhausted with the burden of judgment about who deserved what help I could give them or if I was enabling a destructive lifestyle by helping. I finally decided I didn't want to punish the truly needy for the actions of the immoral. So, when someone appears to need help, I give it. And we all know the needs are truly out there. If the someone's needs are bogus, then that is between those people and God and I have not deprived someone who truly needs my help by trying to make a judgment I have no ability to make. That is how I personally laid my burden down. And yes, I have been looked at like I was crazy when I explained this philosophy so I know I am being met with skepticism on this message forum.

That philosophy extends to my garden. It works for me. I am at peace and refuse to be made less charitable because the world has changed around me. Right and wrong has not changed, people just seem to think it has.

I agree with you about the future and am laying plans for that eventuality. In the long run, it may be the best thing that has happened to this country in a long time. Maybe the collective "we" will regain some perspective.

Again, Barbara, thanks for an excellent message. And Dawn, thanks for bringing the topic to us. Excellent discussion.

Marcy

"Psst, Dawn, I have poop pellets. Want me to bag some up for you so you can pelt Jo? ;-)"

Diane you underestimate me. I would run through a poop hail storm to get at Dawn's garden.

I scoff at poop. Pee-shaw!!!

However, the snakes will likely keep me out!

ok you guys made me laugh so hard.....gardening is the very hardest thing i do that I can think of.I am totally with you on strategy,eat everything you can IN the garden,put up a lot and share with those you love who are appreciative.we don't produce that much yet,we are in our second year with the garden.last year we did have a lot of cherry tomatoes.they went to elderly friends,disabled,single moms and the homeless.One little baggy of maybe 6 cherry tomatoes at a time.Who are all people we know whose faces lit up like sunshine with gratitude.Jeff was having so much gratification sharing with them I had to ration him on how many baggies he could share so we had some to eat.So that was the fun part.But yes for people who have plenty of money, I steer them to the farmers markets.For the people who sit in their living rooms or go to the lake or whatever I cheer them on to garden themselves.I agree that times will get so hard and people so hungry that they should be gardening now to learn.That is why we started up again,because i want to learn and practice while we do not go hungry if we make mistakes.

Ok - since we're on soap-boxes, can I stand on a small one?

Dawn - you're right. When you posted this you knew it would hit a cord with a lot of us but I think it has brought to the surface a LOT of good reasons why we all garden and why we are all connected in this endevour. We ALL share - be it seeds, advice or even plants. You've given us a thread to share how we deal with it and why. As much as you are the Tomatoe Queen - I believe we ALL appreciate the opp to vent some of these other issues. I have appreciated reading and knowing more of what every other member of this forum has posted. Diane - the laundry baskets??? Jay - yeh...we've both been there. Leava - how delightful is it to play Santa in gardening season? And Barbara - I hear you loud and clear!!! The times they are a changing. And to a couple of others - isn't it sad we can't contribute our extra fresh produce because of red tape? Gimme a BREAK!!! And BoomerSooner - do you only sell to co-workers? I'm just about DIEING for a fresh tasting tomatoe!

I think the main thing I'm taking from this thread is there is a reason we all do this aside from the harvest. And there is a reason we are all connected this way. Given the fast paced way of life that we have...this is indeed a blessing. We all need each others support to "go forth and multiply"! HA! We can set our own boundries in a healthy manor...and help each other learn how to go forward.

At my home, we have a "family garden". Our two daughters come out often with the grandkids and we plant, tend and harvest all together as a family. I'm also teaching my daughters and g-kids how to can and preserve. Sadly, they may NEED to know how to do this someday so they'll be ahead of schedule! Dawn - I KNOW you're already laying the same groundwork with your grand-daughter! That child is SO BLESSED to have you and OkieTim in her life!

ok - I'm stepping down now. And Dawn - (hehe) am I on the list for the plum flavored gifts for Christmas? Jusk kidding...really....I've got more Chickasaw plums than I can say "grace" over. Seedmama is supposed to come next week and help relieve me of the over-abundance.

Paula

Now that "Paula has left the building", must say she is right and it is good for all of us to vent sometimes. It is also nice that many of us have made good friends on this site. I was just thinking as I read Paula's post, how close she and seedmama are, in location, and what friends they have become only because of this forum.

Besides the official seed swap and Spring get-togethers, I have received (or sent) seeds from so many others on this forum. I like to read the forum, and I always love to get the email from those of you that I have met here.

We have lots of things in common, we love to produce food and flowers, we like to chat and keep in touch, and none of us are lazy because all of this is hard work. So many of you have been so generous with me.

I have learned a few things tho....stay away from the produce in Jay's truck, watch for poop balls from Diane and Joellen. Pretend to be poor if you want something from Leava, and don't rile Dawn up over her tomatoes.
If you are meeting Barbara in person, better have a hoe in your hand instead of a fork. As for me, I'm just going to drive across town and see what is waiting in Marcy's driveway. LOL

I just want to say I'm thoroughly enjoying this discussion and finding it very thought provoking. It feels like being in a room with a lot of interesting people who are sharing their thoughts and philosophies on very relevant and important subjects, and those philosophies are somewhat the same and yet not always. And Marcy, I'm glad you contributed your thoughts on the burden of judgment about who needs help and how you came to a resolution for yourself. You said that so well and it really hit home with me.

Suzie

Carol,

LOL. Save your gas.....the pickings are still slim here and if this heat keeps up the garden cart won't make it out of the workshop this summer. Lesson: if you partake of my bounty, you suffer with my plagues!

Sad, sad, sad. All the melons are going gangbusters though. Do you like Charentais and Crenshaw melons and mini-watermelon? Oh, wait, I hear we're going to have a cool July and that will be just in time to screw them up too. If not, I'll let you know when I'm drowning in melons...

Still laughing,

Marcy

Marcy,
I hope you will understand that I indeed know where you're coming from, and it's entirely admirable, and I'm sure you will be greatly blessed for it.

My comments were not directed at you personally, although I did take note of them.

All I can say is that this is where I'm at, at this stage in my own life.....and that is bordering on being one of those "needy" myself, both financially and physically as well as age wise.

I can lay no plans for the future or even have any expectations there will be much of a future as far as this life is concerned. I just have to live day by day, one day at a time.

This time next year, or even for the rest of this summer, I am not even sure I will be able to garden due to health concerns, no matter how much I may wish to.

It saddens me that I can't go out there and do what I used to, even for my own use. I doubt if there is any kind of yield at all that there will be any canning done this year. Maybe if I can buy a dehydrator, that might help to take the physical load off.

Yet, I know there are many, many folks older than me, in worse health, or more limited financially, alone, or lonely. Or in need of wholesome food. Locally. these are the one's I have and would seek out to help specifically. as I can.

The ones who are in need of food would be more than welcome to come and help me do the work in my garden that's painful for me to do, and I would be thrilled and more than happy to share with them, if someone would have offered. No one ever has.

As I'd mentioned before, there were people who came "visiting" when things were in season. Not what I'd even call friends but no one ever offered a helping hand.

There have been times when all I could give is what I either grew or made myself. That gave me joy, and I too felt I was blessed and my "needs" provided. I still do. I just can no longer "go beyond" what I can personally do, either physically or financially which at this time has been greatly restricted.

Things may be quite different where others live, but I'm a relative newcomer to these parts in a sense. Have only one DS here to help do many things I can't, house repairs, mowing etc, as he can, and I thank God for him.

As of this date, there has only been three people, two neighbors, and another a relative of the man I used to work for that have ever extended a hand of kindness or thought. And that's not because I am an unfriendly person, or one who hasn't tried to go out of their way to be a neighbor. It's just the way it is here.

So, do I, or would I, at some point expect that someone in my area would be as kind and generous as you? Frankly..no.
I've never asked anyone for anything, nor anything in return for what I've done or given to others. And never intend to.

The woman who said a hoe didn't fit in her hand? She, her husband, and 4 teen age children lived in a 2 story house my mom and I used to have, rent free for 5 months. We put up a utility deposit for them. They left owing over a $300 overdue utility bill which my mother and I were ill prepared to have to pay at the time. This on top of some vicious gossip and slander that was spread by her in our church causing a lot of pain. I said nothing in retaliation. However, would I do this again? Probably not under the same circumstances.

This was rather mild in comparison to some experiences. I've lived many places, and in business as well as in life in general, have met some incredibly downright evil people because of their acts and how they treat people. Not just thoughtless, lazy or selfish, but evil.

Am I bitter? No, I'm just stating facts, and that there has come a time in my life where like you I not only had to come to terms with these issues, and face facts according to what I am able and willing to do.

With the limited resourses I have at this point in life, I have to be a cautious and prayerful steward of every blessing handed down.I've found it was a lot easier to be magnanimous when money came easier, and the body was younger and healthier than it is now.

As someone who has lived a long time, and gone through many of life's storms,...I've learned the hard way not to open my home or purse to everyone professing needs or wants they may not have actually had. But this is just me.

We all have to give according to what we can do and how our conscience and wisdom guides us. I'm not the judge. There is one who does keep the record on these things.

In behalf of those I've come to get acquainted with on this forum, I've never come across a bunch of folks that were more salt of the earth, warm hearted and giving in so many ways of any place I've ever lived or had the pleasure to get to know. And one DOES get to know people through their words and how they reach out.

That being said, if you have the youth, stamina,& financial abilty to spread good will, cheer and food to all comers, without reservation, I would say more power to you and God bless.

About the collective "we" having perspectives changed, as a result of the signs of the times, being a realist, I believe that at least some will have their perpective changed. Others will not, but will continue, or resort to taking.. to obtain by whatever means. There will clearly be separation from the sheep from the goats where the rubber meets the road.

Until then, what I have to give will more than likely be out of pocket to places like VOM here in Washington County. Now, there's a real need. So, to each his own as wisdom would direct.

Thank you Marcy. I don't know you, but you sound young and full of love and zeal. The world would no doubt be a much better place if it were full of Marcy like hearts. You're okay in my book for what it's worth :)

Barbara

You all have made so many wonderful comments and I have enjoyed reading every word.

As I take a brief break from the kitchen while I boil down another 5 gallons of plums into juice for jelly, I was thinking about all these things.

In a perfect world, we could tell our friends or neighbors "we have plenty of tomatoes this year, so come by anytime and pick what you want", but we don't live in a perfect world. Until about 2007 or 2008, I used to tell good friends to come get what they wanted. If they came while we were gone, I'd know they'd been here because they would leave something in exchange....a big watermelon, a sack of apricots, some fresh corn, etc. Some of the ones who had big gardens would call and say "We've picked all the purplehull peas we want and there's plenty left. You come pick all you want". I always felt we exchanged items back and forth and it was a give-and-take that I enjoyed and appreciated. Once, a neighbor brought us a big slab of freshly-cured bacon from a home-grown and processed hog. It was great bacon. We always gave him tomatoes. I always appreciated the work and effort that went into whatever they shared with us and they felt the same way about whatever we gave them. It isn't other gardeners who are the problem. It is non-gardeners who expect a free ride.

One of the guys I still send stuff to did tell Tim this year that our garden had inspired him and he'd started his first garden ever this year. I just love that! He'll be receiving produce from us all summer as a way to encourage him to hang in there and go through those growing pains all new gardeners face. That's a way to encourage him--by showing him the end result.

Paula, If we have a Fall gathering of some sort, I'll bring jars of goodies for everyone. How's that for an incentive for somebody to host a gathering?

Every day I process about 10 gallons of fruit, and then I go outside the next morning and pick more. I'm still treading water, but not falling behind.

I am thinking about filling up Wal-Mart bags with plums and sending OkieTim out to deliver them to neighbors and friends while I'm making blueberry jam or jelly in the morning. (I need a break from plums.) The problem is that right now you can't give plums away because everyone else has a surplus of them too. This is the kind of week where, if you park your car downtown, you have to be sure to lock it so nobody can sneak a big bag of plums into your car. We should appreciate our plums more since they only bear about once every three years (because late freezes knock the blossoms or tiny fruit off the trees). After days of picking them, eating them, processing them, etc. though, everyone's "appreciation" of fresh plums just nose dives!

OK, back to the kitchen so I can finish the last batch for today, although it will be tomorrow by the time I finish it.

Dawn

I have something from my garden I could share....the durn Japanese Beetles, and a few squash bugs. I think I am glad I have some zuchetta growing because I may not get much other squash. I should start picking zuchetta tomorrow and maybe a couple of zukes before the bugs take their toll on them.

The Japanese Beetles usually just eat the grape leaves and snack on the okra leaves, but this year they are making my green beans look like lace. Guess I need to go buy alfalfa and try Dawn's method.

Dawn,
So, you and others need a break from plums?

People are having to lock their car doors to keep from being plumated?

So you think everyone has a surplus of plums?

And you're practically swimming in plum juice?

Yea, I can just see the juice dripping from y'alls lips right now, as you sink your teeth into one.

Well, hey...I am SO JEALOUS!

There are "some of us", namely me, up here in NE OK who are plum challenged.

I had ONE plum from my newly planted Methley plum tree this year. As in (1), LOL!

Yup, I finally got tired of not having any bearing fruit trees, and saved up some money to buy seven LIVE, BEAUTIFUL fruit trees this spring. Now the race is on!

Maybe next year! :) That is if I can ever learn how to prune them and not butcher them like I have my peach and apple trees this year and last.

Yea, I know, (now) that we aren't supposed to be able to grow apples in Oklahoma. Too late now. These are already three or four years old, and this year I just HAD to buy a Golden Delicious. I WILL find a way somehow to make these trees make good apples.

I've enjoyed everyone's comments as well, and appreciate all the good commaraderie here. I may not be able to make a forum reunion as much as I'd like to, but I'll still be hanging out here to enjoy all of y'all and the great posts.

You all had such interesting comments. Some of them, including mine, reminded me that things weren't always "the good ole days". I had to think back on the familiar story of the farmer with the rock salt in his shotgun to ward off watermelon thieves. Now, I haven't gone to those extremes, people could still, conceivably rip off what they could get to, "IF" they could get to it, but yes, Carol, I do have extra hoes, and if that doesn't work, 4 vicious attack cats.

This Okie forum isn't "just" about gardening. It's about life, and people most of all. Their struggles, lives, history, families, dreams and plans.

I told my DS as we were driving back from Tulsa today, there's a LOT of things to like, and even love about living in Oklahoma. You guys are one of those reasons.

Barbara

Barbara,

Every plum tree in the county made a bumper crop. Since we have hundreds of miles of little county roads lined with old fencelines/bar ditches that have solid rows or clumps of wild plums growing alongside the fences, even folks who don't have plum trees still have access to plums.

My first clue should have been when the local Wal-Mart south of us in Texas started developing that 'hurricane has hit the canning aisle' look about 2 weeks before my plums began ripening in large numbers. I remember looking at the chaos and mayhem on the canning aisle and thinking to myself that somebody's veggie gardens were overproducing. I didn't realize it was because of fruit until our fruit began to ripen.

Yesterday I was picking up the last of their half-pint jelly jars and a woman rushed up, grabbed about 12 boxes of pectin and threw them in the cart and took off in a hurry. It cracked me up. I looked at her and said to myself "Gotta be plums".

We have the best, most collegial group of folks I've ever seen on one forum here at Garden Web---not a screwball or sourpuss in the whole gang!

I forgot to mention one more thing that really soured me on giving produce to one particular neighbor. He was a very, very good person, old and wise and taught me so much. I used to take veggies and fresh cut flowers up to him and his wife all the time and would sit and visit with them. He came here right around the turn of the century and could tell me stories about our land and our county and its agricultural history and its people that I've never heard from anyone else.

As they aged and his wife's health failed, it wasn't enough that I gave him something from the garden....let's use squash for an example. He wanted me to come over to the house and cook it for him, even though they had family practically right next door who would have done anything for them. After that, I just gave him stuff you could ear uncooked like tomatoes and melons.

Carol, We seldom have those Japanese beetles here and I am glad. All we have are those stupid brown June bugs and I catch them in alfalfa water too, With all due respect, you can keep my share of your Japanese beetles.

Tim mowed tonight while I was making jelly after supper and came inside and gravely informed me we had a gazillion grasshoppers. We have had a gazillion grasshoppers for about 6-8 weeks now. Has he not been paying attention? So, I could share about a billion grasshoppers with somebody and still have more than we need.

OK, I'm out of here now. Gotta get some sleep so I can pick fruit right after sunrise.

Dawn

Gee Dawn, Do you enjoy your 30 minutes of sleep? Or was it 45 you slept last night?

Good morning fellow venters, gardeners and insomniacs,

Look who's talking here Carol. You were up as late as Dawn, and had the first post of the morning. I'm not out there sunrise picking. Ain't nothing to pick.

After coffee, I'm still going back to bed. (Maybe). I started this at 8:00 AM and it's 10AM now.

I was up late making yogurt from raw cow's milk. Trying to restore my bones and health. Anyone else do that on here I wonder? I finally found a local pristine source of grassfed Jersey cow's milk. Love it! My folks had a little Jersey cow for me as a toddler and beyond.

Yup, I'm trying to talk Braum's into joining the so-called new raw milk revolution, which isn't actually new but practically as old as the earth itself.

DS wouldn't touch the stuff unless it comes from a carton. My doctor thinks adults don't need and shouldn't use milk. Strange. Anyways, what he doesn't know won't hurt me.

You have my sympathies, on the Japanese beetles or any other nationality. And I can relate to Dawn's woes on the gazillion hoppers. I've never seen so many. Are we going to have a revival of the Great Locust invasion? Lord, I hope not!

I can remember when my first born son was a baby and we lived at Waukomis, near Vance AFB near Enid. We had a grasshopper invasion of biblical proportions. Carrying DBS in one day, a huge hopper jumped up and bit him on the ear drawing blood. Like everyone else, I hate and dread hoppers.

I read on the Internet, grasshoppers were the only insect ever to be fought by using dynamite. It would be an LOL if it weren't so sad to see how destructive these things are.
Do you think we're under a curse? Makes one wonder.

Back to venting...it's now officially open season on veggie, melon poachers, & chicken thieves, but MUST we be restricted to just those, and not their other creative endeavors of how to rip people off?

Carol, having been an AF wife, maybe you can relate to this...you know how it would make one feel to have a young DH die, leaving 3 young sons without a dad, and a young wife to raise them. So, this was my first departure from living a relatively sheltered life after my DH died. I had rented my house to these people while we were in Texas to check it out to see if we wanted to make a permanent move. Boy, was I naive back then.

They were supposed to make a monthly deposit to my bank account for the rent payment to cover the cost of my own mortgage payment. They didn't. I finally had to come back and have them evicted. After moving back in, someone came to the door wanting to haul off all my furniture. These "renters" had taken out loans using my furniture as collateral and then defaulted on the loans.
As bad as that was, the worst was they'd broken into a locked storage unit, and stolen the carefully folded US flag from my DH's military funeral, which had been kept for my DS's. One of the few but most precious remembrances of him.

Then, not too long after that, we were having dinner at a local restaurant, and here these people were sitting across from us, eating lobster dinners, including their two preschool kids.

Since of entitlement? I guess. That was the beginning of a long list of other lessons learned along the way.

One of the interesting things I've made mental notes on to stop doing for, were those who complained about what you gave them and then walked off not even saying thanks. Maybe you've never had that happen, but I have, and it's always left me scratching my head, because I would never give anyone something that wasn't fit to use, or good to eat.

Well, this list of mine could go on and probably will. One of the signs of advancing age is when one starts rambling.

2nd cup of coffee later:)

Dawn, there is NO way I am going to go out in this weather, even in knee high rubber boots picking plums in fence rows braving snakes, in order to make jam or jelly, even if I have to buy plum and blackberry jam til mine start producing better. Those folks that do are welcome to all the plums and blackberries they can pick. Every rock and bush out there has a snake somewhere around it. Now, I watch every step I take even in my own garden where I feel relatively safe.

Knowing y'all are busy with harvesting and preserving, I'll try to keep my dumb gardening questions and traumas to a minimum. I think it's just absolutely lovely envisioning all the wonderful things in your pantry, and root cellar.

Carol, the one thing I regret making from last summer was all that pickled squash. Most of it is still sitting in the pantry. I guess could still be kept for several years if a famine hits. The great squash famine. With my luck and squash bugs, ya never know.

Stay cool y'all, it's supposed to be pressure cooker hot again today.

Barbara

As tough as all of you are talking, the common thread I see is that all of you are still sharing and giving from your gardens, so you don't fool me a bit. Your angst is coming from the interaction with people who are, shall we say, socially inept. That's the beauty of my garden cart...I don't have to interact!! I have no idea who took what, don't care, just hope it brings pleasure to someone. See all the aggravation I save myself? All my ways of doing things have underlying selfish motive, you know. As my DH says, "don't be agitating my smooth".

Barbara, young is a distant memory, stamina has given way to stubborn, and zeal is directly related to my dosage of B-12 for the day, but thank you.

I guess I would define myself as a realist, since they say a realist is an optimist with experience. When we were raising our four grown daughters, my husband was known to refer to me as 'a hard woman' on occasion. As in all marriages, he was the easy touch when it came to his little girls; I wanted them to be ready for the world I knew was out there. It seems the mix was successful, as they are all doing well and have blessed us with five exhausting, wonderful grandchildren who my husband says is 'like herding raccoons' and four pretty great sons-in-law.

I guess I may sound naive, but honestly just made the choice to find a way to continue to have a charitable heart while not burdening myself with the actions of others and a judgment of those actions. It has oddly turned out to be one of the most profound, freeing, life-changing decisions of my life. And it all came about because of quiet, thoughtful moments I was able to enjoy while working in my gardens. How great is that?

I'll let you all know when the garden cart is full of melons! Stay cool and safe --

Marcy

Hi All,

New to this site and sending our first post. Our tomatoes are finally starting to look decent after a lot of physiological curling from the dry hot June we had. Finally got rain this week!!! Sooooooo glad to hear we aren't the only ones that won't be sharing tomatoes this year. They are so slow to put on and ripen this year - hope we even have enough for us. Can't believe all the crazy stories you all have had to share. Look forward to reading and chatting more. God Bless.

My 2 cents: Anyone who asks for something should always be prepared to hear "no" as an answer. "I grow my garden to feed my family, and I don't really have enough extra right now to give away. But if I ever do, I'll try to remember that you like these [tomatoes, beans, whatever]." How can they argue with that, and it's the truth (at least part of the truth, along with all the other reasons we garden).

Jo - We soooo appreciate all the veggies and food you bring to us!! I don't blame you one bit for not sharing your tomatoes. I've only gotten 3 or 4 tomatoes off my plants so far, so I haven't even shared them with my parents! (Well, I gave half a cherry tomato to my mom) I wish I was having better luck, but if you aren't growing any bell peppers, my bell pepper plant is growing like crazy and I will gladly give you some! And onions :) And mystery plant....???? :) And we all think you guys are wonderful. I think my parents probably think of your kids as their grandkids (since I don't want to have any!) Best neighbors ever!

AllorganicinMO, Hi! Welcome to the forum. You know, we all like to share when we have plenty of extra, but some years there aren't plenty....as you well know.

Anyway, my main gripe is with people who ask for them. Do I walk into their homes and ask to take food out of their pantry or fridge? For some reason, non-gardeners think the food we grow in our gardens is 'free', although we all know we spend plenty (in time, money, materials) to produce those tomatoes. I'd like for all of them to understand the true cost of raising those 'free' veggies.

Kelley, You only gave your mom HALF a cherry tomato. Oh, and I thought I was bad. You bad. You very bad. I am chuckling at you and hoping you didn't charge her a high price (ha!) for half a cherry tomato. If your mom were here with me, I'd give her a whole cherry tomato. Heck, I might give her two.

All kidding aside, this is a very challenging tomato year.

If I hadn't had lots of tomato blooms and fruit by early May, I wouldn't have harvested much yet. Now I am about to finish harvesting all the large toms that set in early May, and it will be quite a while before any of the newer, smallish green ones are ready to pick. At least there are smallish ones though. This last week of cooler, wet weather has been a 'window of opportunity' for all our plants to set fruit.

Now, if we can just fight all the dreaded foliage diseases caused by excess moisture and high humidity.....

I think, Kelley, that you and Jo are so lucky to be gardening neighbors!

Dawn

Kelley, now that you are there to cook for your folks I might have to retire. ;) I certainly have slowed down. For awhile I was worried that they were eating canned soup for every meal (when your Mom broke her arm). Now I know they are eating like royalty with their own personal chef.

Jo

Dawn - I didn't charge her anything for her half :) You can ask Jo - I have worked hard for those 4 tomatoes or so that I've gotten! I will say a few years ago, a friend of mine in Norman had a plum tree that was producing tons and tons of plums. She was overwhelmed with plums, as she just kindof inherited the tree when she bought the house and is not a gardener. So the first day that she brought a sack of plums to work to give away, I gladly took as many as she would give me and promised to accept any more that she wanted to give me. All I know to do with a plum is eat it fresh, but I will engorge myself on fruit if given the chance (it's what makes me so sweet and endearing!). And I ended up with many, many sacks of plums for a few weeks. But I have never assumed (and will never assume) that a friend's garden is ever my personal grocery store.

Also, I think as far as the gardening goes, I'm the lucky one! Jo is great help and I'm learning alot from her. I, on the other hand, am a liability. I'm pretty sure that whenever I come over to take a look at her garden, she whispers to her plants, "Please don't die!!"

Jo - I will agree that they definitely eat better thanks to us. If not for our intervention, it's entirely likely that my mother would eat nothing but cottage cheese and tomatoes, and my dad would eat sandwiches with some kind of meat in them. I know they really enjoy it when you make them food, since I only cook them vegetarian food :)