Like kimmsr was asking, I was also wondering if you were actually making a lasagna bed. That process has many similarities to composting. You will likely gain more understanding by reading a little about lasagna gardening, and sheet composting (tons of stuff on the 'net). The way I sort of differentiate the two processes is this: Compost pile is to allow all organic materials to break down totally to a soil-like substance over time, and use that wonderful substance to amend exisiting soil or side-dress plants. The compost pile is usually a pile as described like 3x3x3 ft, or in a bin or box. The pile will decompose faster with an ideal mix of browns and greens (i.e. carbons and nitrogens), with optimal moisture, and with turning, but will also decompose (more slowly) if just left alone. On the other hand, lasagna beds are typically started with a layer of cardboard or newspaper to smother existing grass or weeds, often when creating a brand new garden bed, and then organic matter such as you described is added to several inches thick, some folks go to 18 inches high. You can then actually plant right in this organic matter, even if the matter is still fairly large and not decomposing -yet. Although most folks plant veggies, and perennials in there, I don't think the loose matter would support a large shrub or tree, for example. Over time, this matter composts in place and the height typically goes down quite a bit, the grass/weeds underneath die, and the cardbaord and newspaper decompose, and it ends up beinga lovely bed of good soil/humus. I agree the materials you are using are high in nitrogen (greens) and your area would benefit from the addition of shredded leaves or shredded paper or chipped twigs and branches. If you add manure and coffee, that is more nitrogen. I hope at least some of this info is helpful to you, and please feel free to ask other questions or share your experiences. It is never a bother. I enjoy the banter. Laurie in Mississippi

Bump I am sorry I don't have a picture of it but I remember it as a wine or goblet glass with the words I'm Sorry etched on one side. This is what I have saved. FORGIVENESS GLASS You are probably wondering why you would receive just one glass as a gift, but this is a very special type of glass. It is called the FORGIVENESS GLASS May this be the least used gift you get. It has just one use. As in any marriage, small arguments, disagreements, and even large scale fighting occurs. With these also comes tears, harsh words, walls of silence, etc., and happiness is gone. When you two are angry with each other, one of you should get this glass, fill it with any liquid, from water to champagne, bring it to the other, and the two of you share forgiveness. It does not matter who was right or wrong, do not count those times. Instead, count the blessings you two are sharing as husband and wife.

I kind of agree with both halfdecaf an kailuamom's perspective: first, I think that we can't really fault the original speaker because we don't really know what he said. There are some versions of what he said that make perfect sense to me, others that don't, lets give him the benefit of the doubt and not attack a "philosophy" that he, himself, has not explained to us.The original post's vesion of the speaker's words made me think of how annoying rote "sorry's" are *especially* when they've been demanded of a child, given, and then abandoned. I'm thinking of the kid who spills something at your house and never says sorry except that the parent demands they do and then...nothing...they run off and play and the parent cleans up. Or the kid who viciously pushes your kid in the park and says "sorry" when told to but then the parents and kid walk away from you and your sobbing, snot smeared child. I think we would all be in agreement that a coerced sorry is not sufficient and that an educational method that relied *only* on coercion to produce the word but not on coercion or serious practice to change the behavior would be at fault. I'd like to read the speaker's words in the most generous way and figure that he's saying that sorry alone is not enough and that we have to work, long and hard, with kids to make them the kind of people who can realize that they have hurt someone else and take affirmative steps to make the hurt right. It sounds like kailuamom and I have the same kids, or the same parenting strategy. Neither of my children has any trouble saying they are sorry--and really meaning it. I don't mean "sorry for stepping on your toe" or "sorry for being a jerk" but like this "I'm sorry, mommy, that you are having to take me out to my friend's birthday party when you aren't feeling so well. Thank you for doing it." Or "I'm sorry that you had to make me soup and crackers (because I"m sick) when you already made a different dinner for everyone else." In other words, their sense of what they are doing, their duties towards other people, extend far beyond "don't step on people's toes" to "don't inconvenience people" and "don't take other people's kind actions for granted." I remember another mother in my baby group with my firstborn asking me "how I *made* her so empathetic?" and I just cracked up, you can't make someone empathetic. but you certainly can work on them, and have to work on them, to make them attentive to those around them. So sure we start out, even when they are babies, saying "oh! I'm so sorry you fell down! let me kiss it" and saying to them "oh, say sorry to little dulcibella for grabbing her toy." But as they get older our strategies for working with them and modeling for them have to get more sophisticated because they are more sophisticated. Modeling the behavior you want is the first thing you have to do but how many of us are even more self centered than our children? How many times do we demonstrate to them that we take the actions, gifts, griefs, etc...of other people for granted? IF the only "sorry"s they see are ungracious they will be ungracious. If they see their parents courteously deferring to each other, to the grandparents, to strangers they are going to learn (eventually) that "Sorry" goes a lot farther than just a word said after an incident, its a whole way of thinking about the situation and the other person. If you are still ordering at ten year old, or a fifteen year old, to say sorry you need to rethink your educational strategy because its not working. By the time they are fifteen most social behaviors should be pretty well engrained--or else they are rebelling against them for reasons that need discussion and airing. At that point they are also old enough to experience the natural consequences of failure to observe social niceties, as well as failure to be empathetic. If you are a jerk to your cousins or your friends, well, they won't play with you. If you are a jerk to your older relatives or older people, well, they won't do whatever things you've been counting on them to do. If a ten or fifteen year old kid behaves badly and doesn't say they are sorry--or even behaves selfishly and seems unaware of it--then just forcing them to say sorry (though it may be necessary) j ust isn't enough. So I guess I'm saying that I can see situations in which the original speaker is absolutely right--of course if he really said what was described I think he's an idiot. But there has never been a shortage of idiot motivational speakers. abfab

My situation has many similarities to yours, and I agree with everything Silviatexas has said. My stepson was recently diagnosed with PTSD and some ODD. It's sad and we're getting him counselling, but we need to keep him in line to protect the wellbeing of the other kids, and adults, in the house. We also need to protect our marriage because it's the foundation of the family. You and your husband need to set boundaries right now, and enforce them in every single case. There must be a consequence for every rude behaviour. Communication can be quite simple - "rude comment means no cell phone for a week. Next time, it's a month". It works like a charm in our house. Therapy is essential, and you might also want to consider some extracurriculars for the boys to given them some structure and self respect. The psychologist recommended cadets for my stepson. Sleep away camp this summer was also very good for him. They will not want to do these things but, again, the adults control the computer, cellphone and TV. If your husband is a decent father, he will enforce the rules and ensure that the boys stay in line. If not, you need to reassess whether this man is a good stepparent for your children. It is not your job to be patient while chaos ensues in your house. It is your job to support your husband while he raises his children. If he isn't doing his part, then you are already on your own.