1. When he is loving he is really genuine and fun to spend time with. That's how most abusers are. It's how they keep their victims around. Sadly, typically the good loving times get fewer and fewer and the abusive times get more and more often. 2. He turned his life around for me in a lot of ways already. He has never cheated on me (yes I am sure)and he hasn't done any drugs or drank very many times since we met. He found a good job and has been responsible. He hasn't cheated on you- yet. Generally with cheaters it's only a matter of time. If he cheated on his last long term relationship odds are better that he'll eventually cheat on you. 3. He lets me stay home well he works to take care of me and provide for us, honestly doesn't mind doing it and never has complained. If that's one of the big reasons why you stay, it's tantamount to admitting you're a kept woman. 4. He is really good in bed and very good looking (lol tmi) And there are lots of good looking, good in bed, non-abusive men out there. 5. My husband is very artistically inclined/ talented. He is a great guitarist/songwriter and does his own photography. Presumably he's doing all this while you want to spend some together time, and so he gets verbally abusive and calls you "clingy". Is it a good trade off, and does this outweigh being a person who will hit you when all else fails? 6. For the most part he is very peaceful (the arguments where he has hit me do no happen often at all and he is usually just a back away from the situation type). The arguments where he hits you should not happen AT ALL. And violent behaviour tends to escalate, however slowly. Think about how you'd feel going from saying, "Oh, he only hits me every couple of months" to "Oh, he only hits me every couple of weeks" to "Oh, he only hits me every couple of days". 7. His outlook on life is always choosing to believe the best will happen and not the worst. Well so it may, for him. 8. He doesn't worry about anything, which really helps me because I have an anxiety disorder. I'd have an anxiety disorder too if I lived with someone who might hit me. Seriously, there have to be better treatments than living with someone who treats you badly, is verbally abusive and calls you "clingy" if you want to spend time together. If you're in a relationship why wouldn't you want to spend time together? It's a reasonable expectation. Otherwise you're the housekeeper and bit on the side while he plays the guitar and takes pictures. 9. I think he genuinely felt bad for keeping it from me that he slept with 15 year old and cheated on his ex. He said he was scared he would loose me. (I do tend to be kinda reactive sometimes. But he didn't feel constrained to keep it from you that he wanted to get back together with his ex and have a baby with her. Especially knowing that you have just lost a baby and may not be able to have another. It's good he's turned his life around somewhat since you've been together but you both need to know that being verbally abusive, pining aloud for the ex and hitting you are all deal breakers for any marriage. Don't put up with it for the sake of a comfortable bed.

LL, I'm thinking the hot tub in the corner is the right move. It will give a better sense of enclosure, and use well the space that will otherwise be underutilized. Having the edge of the deck available for a seating arrangement or small table will be nice, because your view will be much greater from that spot. And if you have a lot of rocks on your property, putting rocks beneath the floor can help use that space as a heat sink. I'd recommend you look into setting that up, to give some extra heat to your house in the evening after the sun goes down and it radiates heat absorbed by those rocks during the day. Summer probably has knowledge of how to design the greenhouse to give some payback to you. I think the greenhouse idea will be a great addition. I'm always for a plant space. I'm going to point out something to you about the star jasmine though. It will provide you an evergreen plant inside like that, BUT IT ONLY BLOOMS IN MAY AND JUNE. I would suggest that you get a couple of nice blooming begonias in pots, or geraniums in RED, to brighten up the space. And I also have a potted (not hanging basket) bougainvillea which will end up climbing by its long thorny limbs, and IT WILL BLOOM ALL YEAR ROUND. They come in yellow and hot pink, and mine is a white and pink combo. I cannot wait to get it into my Teahouse. It likes heat, it likes moisture, it likes lots of light. Keep it watered. And if you want a spectacular large tropical plant, look into a MUSA species of banana. They can be hardy at your latitude indoors all year. Incidentally, I just love your house, and the more you tinker with the plan the better it gets. Sarah Susanka says that most people just design the rooms with no selection of furniture spots, but you are doing the whole deal. I think you are about ready to CHOOSE THE SPOT FOR LIGHTS AND SWITCHES AND PLUGS. AND DIMMERS. Dimmers are part of it too. Go for it, lady, you have the right ideas to choose from.

hi herb thanks for your comments. I wish I could do all lower drawers on the fridge/microwave side, but I only have 18 inches and will be cutting down 24" Ikea bases to 18" to fit there. There's no 18" drawer cabinet, unfortunately. You're right about needing to have some utensils there. I could possibly store some in the pantry cabinet next to the sink. The dishwasher's going to be hidden by the island. There was no way to center the sink in the window, and the window itself isn't centered in the room. I'll include a floor plan of that part of the house. The large opening is to the dining room, the other 2 doorways are to the entrance hall and the hall to the garage. Seating at the island will be for 3 at the most - any more than that will go to the dining room. Soon to be empty nest, seating will be for myself and DH plus whoever's home on college break in the kitchen. The window is a 2-pane slider. I think the software made it look like 2 separate windows, but it's not. I wanted the window to go all the way to the counter. It has to be a slider, casement won't work due to the door swing of the office door at a right angle. Here's a better picture of the sink wall. have you been ruthless about that since you are doing construction..... We had quite a few constraints on the addition due to floor area ratio and setback limitations. Lots of compromises were made. All other things being equal, I'd love a bigger kitchen but I think this one will work for our lifestyle.

Its 1 :25 am and I'm with the night owls. I was laid off at 66 and was dispirited. Looked for jobs, not much luck. So I accepted that unemployment was actually early retirement. Less than a year later a friend called about an opening in her agency in my field. It is a great fit: about 10-15 hours a week. I only go into the office (which is 20 minutes away) 1 x 2weeks, nearly everything can be communicated and documented by secure email and text. I miss the chatting life of more collegial time in an office, but I treasure setting my own schedule. As long as my patients get seen on time and my documentation and time sheets are on time no one 'bothers' me. I'm still contributing to society and (modestly) to family income. I have lots of time and flexibility for those ever increasing doctors' and physical therapy appointments. Gotta keep the mojo working if I want to work. My house is still a mess because neither dh nor I are neatniks and actually don't care a lot about "everything in its place". I mean, it would be nice, but it takes so much valuable time! Rouge, your days and nights will take on a shape of their own. You can nudge things however you want. Eventually a routine might emerge. My thoughts are: make new friends, keep up with old ones and participate in some sort of group activity: exercise class, bridge, book group, civic organizations. For me, they are a welcome change from being at home. I came across the seeds you sent months ago. Still in their little envelope, waiting for spring, like me.Marie