Garden Etiquette for Visitors

14 years ago

I found this post while poking around for ideas on garden design. Very funny, but a lot of good advice too! Hope no one minds me re-posting it.

"Garden Etiquette for Visitors

This is a compilation of suggestions from several Garden Web Hosta Forum Regulars. I claim no responsibility to authorship, I was simply the vehicle to post these pearls of wisdom. If you read the forums regularly, I'm sure you will be able to guess the identity of several of the contributors.

Happy Hosta-ing!

********************************************************* Garden Etiquette

I did NOT invite you over to use my bathrom ... SO DO NOT ASK .... because i cleaned the garden for your visit, not the house... take care of this before you get here ... though obviously emergencies occur ...and dont stop at micky dee's to take care of it and then buy the 200 ounce pop because it is hot out there .... and then 2 hours later have to use the bathroom .... i will provide you with enough liquids to survive .... perhaps a tablespoon at a time ...
DO NOT walk in my garden beds, unless you have permission.
IGNORE the idiot dog, when standing near my beds .... to watch you turn him into a frothing love hound and rip up my labels and plants is truly disheartening ... we have the the middle of the lawn for that ...
Either bring a gift .... LIKE A HOSTA .. or any perennial .... or send a thank you note ... i did a lot of work for your visit ... and i want some afterglow ... a note a few days later .. usually gets you another invite w/o question ... and probably a hosta next time ... nothing pricey ... it is the gesture ... not the value ...
Leash your children if they are a problem [though they are usually not the children of hosta nuts ... these children have been taught the proper priorities] ... or bring something that will entertain them ... and dont rely on my dog to be the entertainment ... he is an idiot ... see above ....
Leash your uninterested significant other ... or insure they bring something to entertain themselves ... or better yet .. leave the uninterested at home ... i hate cutting short a tour with someone who is truly interested because they are distracted by someone else ... and suggest to them that if they have nothing nice to say ... they need not say anything ...
Do NOT resort to platitudes in describing the beauties before you. Also, PLEASE do NOT tell me how so-and-so's plants are doing better than mine, for whatever reason.
be on time .... i have waited and worked like a dog anticipating your visit .. have some respect ... and calling is not sufficient, because i will be out there an hour ahead sprucing up the garden waiting for you .... and i wont be near the phone ..... i will NOT be upset if there was an emergency ...
DO NOT try to surreptitiously purloin a piece of ANYTHING (with that plastic spoon hidden in your pocket) without asking my permission. If you ask nicely, I MAY give it to you-but on my terms.
if you can grow one better than me .... be prepared to discuss all variables in your success so that i may figure out what you are doing right that i am not
Amendment to #1 with relationship to #5 and #6. If you are going to stop at McDonalds on the way to my garden, leave the uninterested spouse and children there. We will all be happier that way.
Do NOT pull the plant marker out of the ground to read it easier, and if you must pull it out, PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU GOT IT FROM.
FEEL FREE TO PULL WEEDS .... IF YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE ... I WILL BE GLAD TO PROVIDE ANY TOOLS OR SUPPLIES TO ENCOURAGE SUCH ... IF YOU ARE WILLING TO COME BACK TO WEED .. I WILL PAY YOU IN HOSTA ...
if you want the label in the picture .. i will gladly do it for you, and put it back where i want it ... they are placed in a certain manner .. so me and the dog know where to walk when you arent here ... moving them can lead to bloody feet for one or the other of us ... and so i know where the dormant plants are in spring ...
Never ask to trade me two undulata's for a plant I just gave my left arm and two grandchildren for.
Don't ever ask in front of my spouse "Whad'ya give for that one?"
No, that one will never be big enough to divide up and give away. If you really like it, I will tell you where to BUY it.
Yes, I am sure you would like some plants to get started since they are so expensive. I know, I because I bought most of mine.
No, That one won't get any bigger with more light and fertilizer, it is a mini....we like em' that size!
Yes, this is a lot of work and takes alot of time, but it keeps me out of the bars.... and I don't get a hangover from it....Occasionally slugs can be a headache, though.
Addendum to #1. I did NOT even invite you. You were here when I got home from work and said you didn't think I would mind, since you are related to so and so downtown, and they know me. I DO mind.
Addendum to #3. Leave YOUR idiot dog home. Don't tie a beagle on a 6 ft. lead to my gazebo to destroy my Blue Mammoth Hosta while you are on the other side of the house and your dog is going nuts because you just disappeared from his view!!
If you don't know a thing at all about Hosta, don't ask for an invite, and then view my Liberty Hosta, which was 6 eyes last year, and say.."Well, I have that one--but mine's huge!!"
Do NOT tell me what I "should" OR "shouldn't" do or plant. I love talking about my gardens when someone says "have you ever thought about..." because it's interesting to share ideas and experience. However, I garden for my own pleasure and appeal, so I don't really care if you find something not to your liking. And please don't ever say: You should plant some marigolds. (No, I should not...they don't happen to be a favorite of mine and your barrelful is utterly boring.) You should run those bricks farther down. (No, I want it to transition into a woodland path at this point and you don't even have a garden path, so just go sit down some place and get out of my sight for a while.) You should try some of that colored mulch...really brights up the place. (Are you crazy?...I've seen your yard)
And DON'T waste my precious TIME, having to explain the history of each and every HOSTA to YOU, only to tell ME that they LOOK ALL ALIKE.

Entered by caliloo"

Comments (12)

hosta_bart
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
this one i like the most:
16. Don't ever ask in front of my spouse "Whad'ya give for that one?"
starina
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
This one
"24. Do NOT tell me what I "should" OR "shouldn't" do or plant. I love talking about my gardens when someone says "have you ever thought about..." because it's interesting to share ideas and experience. However, I garden for my own pleasure and appeal, so I don't really care if you find something not to your liking. And please don't ever say: You should plant some marigolds. (No, I should not...they don't happen to be a favorite of mine and your barrelful is utterly boring.) You should run those bricks farther down. (No, I want it to transition into a woodland path at this point and you don't even have a garden path, so just go sit down some place and get out of my sight for a while.) You should try some of that colored mulch...really brights up the place. (Are you crazy?...I've seen your yard)"

and this one
"21. Addendum to #1. I did NOT even invite you. You were here when I got home from work and said you didn't think I would mind, since you are related to so and so downtown, and they know me. I DO mind."

Need to be on signs posted thru out my garden and at every entry!
Good funny, but how true.
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Comments (8)
i had either .... just suffered some fools.. in an otherwise wonderful group ..... or was anticipating such .... i did start it... searched for it.. it must have fallen off the list with age ... ken
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"And, yes I did see that Frazier show. That show always makes me laugh. I would hate to think I ever acted that way and try not to be around people who do.' alexis The reason I laughed so hard at Frazier's superior behavior is because it is me more times than I want to admit, BIG BUTT these types of post teach others this behavior. I want to exercise myself of continuing this behavior and not participate in teaching it to others. We start looking for the types of comments that come from someone who doesn't share our passion so we can run to our "elite hostaholics friends" to report every faux pas. From my superior/self-righteous position in this I had to look up "faux pas" and had a terrible time because I couldn't even get close to the spelling to find it in a dictionary. I did have the good judgment to marry a bright woman! I repeat; "Tell me what you believe in, I have enough doubts of my own"! Stop it, I see myself and don't like it.
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Garden Etiquette
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Comments (14)
Here is a reverse situation. One day I was up front weeding and a couple of very frail but feisty looking grey haired ladies who looked like they were in their mid 80's stopped the car to chat. They could have easily been my grandma, Aunt Esther or Aunt Blanche and in fact reminded me so much of them that this alone would have been the ingredients for a great day. Flowered dresses and all. They told me they often drove by to look at my garden and loved the flowers and prairie landscape with the native grasses because it reminded them of home and the old days when everyone was out working in their gardens and how they missed gardening themselves so they regularly drove past my house on their errand runs since it was like a visit to the past and nostalgic for them. They were completely delightful ladies and it made me feel indescribably good. I almost felt like my aunts and grandma had visited, these ladies were so similar to them in the way they talked. They talked about how people didn't seem to be interested anymore in gardens and how sad they thought that was. I am a long way from being young and could only be considered young in comparison to these ladies since such things are relative but they said they were glad that some young people still did this. I am only one generation close behind them. Another thing that made this nice is my garden is intentionally a reflection of my childhood spent in rural Oklahoma even though I am stuck in an urban area close to downtown so I was happy that these women recognized that. This post was edited by TexasRanger10 on Thu, Jul 24, 14 at 15:03
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Garden Etiquette for Visitors
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Comments (8)
I read the rules in the spirit of humor, which I'm quite sure they were written in. If the simple glib answer is to just "say no", I don't need rules 1 - 42!!! Let me draw it out for ya: I have no problem saying 'no' to visitors about anything. 99% of non-relative visitors to my garden already have a fair understanding of garden etiquette. It is the visiting relative that may not quite understand. Hence my reference to need for a different set of rules for relatives. "You don't need to be an Einstein to say 'no' to a relative" Maybe you missed the part where I said they get upset. Maybe you don't have relatives; or relatives that visit. Whereas I wouldn't care if a visitor gets upset because I can/would evict upset unruly visitors unceremoniously from the property who, if THEY are lucky, I'll never see again, I WILL be having future interactions with same relatives.
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ken_adrian Adrian MI cold Z5
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
boy i used to be funny ... what happened to me ... ???

ken
flowerchild59
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I haven't read that one before. Good verbage and so many, so true.
lisasmall
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
5! 5! 5!

No dog issues for me because not even my own dogs have ever been allowed in the hosta garden, which is fenced off. Why? Because I always have hunting dogs, and I always have chipmunks, and that means they can't help digging in a fury to get to their prey. So the solution: dogs only get to go in the hosta yard between December and March. Period. Even my own.
ken_adrian Adrian MI cold Z5
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
i wonder what it was doing in garden design forum.. when its an FAQ in the hosta forum ..???

ken

Here is a link that might be useful: faq's
aahostas
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Ken,
Very funny!
So many of these things have happened to us that it is like you have written our biography! Not only did Fido smash a G.E.,he left us a major deposit right in the middle of our driveway! I guess the visitors just figured the "heap" would break down overnight and just vanish. We were having a cookout for fathers day and these folks took down the chain and sign that says Hosta visits by appointment only ,please. at the gate , Asked if we minded if they just walked around while we ate. It wasn't 15 minutes later that they all had the call of nature and had to use the restroom. They all had those 44 ounce "Glug Jugs" as you described. As we all know it is difficult to enjoy a meal with your family when there are 5 complete strangers walking all over your property so Even though it was my day, I kept getting up to answer questions and keep them from wandering into the woods where the Poison Ivy thrives and the Hornets are angry. After about an hour and a half they meandered back to their van .They casually thanked me and told me that they were amazed by all of the Hostas but were really looking for a tree that day and the nursery that grows trees down the road was closed. I quietly wondered how the closed nursery had kept them out? Perhaps land mines or an 8 foot electrical fence?
Thanks for the laugh and letting me know that there are others that feel my pain.

Denny

Denny
just1morehosta
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I must admit,i am guilty!
A few of us had a hosta tour a couple of weeks ago, i have not sent out thank you cards to any one.
Now i will,just never thought of it.
Soooooo,this is a good posting,to remind us to be more polite.

A couple of days ago, i had a lady come down with two boys, they were all over the pond, running on the rocks,which, none are cemented down, i mentioned to her they were not in cement,and if they fell in, it is 4 feet deep.they just shruged,and said," It would be fun,"so i mentioned AGAIN, they were not in cement, she says"Get off the rocks boys, she is worried about them"Worried about the rocks,can you imagin.NO,I was worried about HER KIDS!
Maybe they should have fallen in,a hour sitting in the car all wet,and stinky,may have made an impression.ha ha
cAROL
greenthumbz4mn
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
When I was brand new to this forum a year ago, I found this FAQ. I find it just as funny the second time. But this time, now that I am more seasoned, I also find it appalling that people really do so many of those stupid things. aa, your story was hilarious yet sad that there are such inconsiderate people out there! I had a plant sale this spring, and my sister who was manning the money was encouraging people to go in back to see my garden--until I put a really quick kabosh on that!!!! Mary
jbranch
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I got one - don't push your kid's baby stoller into my bed to let the child touch the hydrangea in the back of the bed.
chris-e
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Before he posted and proved me right, I was about to say, "caliloo may have entered it, but I'll bet most of it was written by Ken"! : )

christine
ken_adrian Adrian MI cold Z5
14 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
yeah .. you can kinda tell from all the ...

...

...

lol

ken

Garden Etiquette for Visitors

Comments (12)

hosta_bart

starina

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