I'm in Sunset zone 17, 25 miles east from SF, so we get a few more 'near-frost' days than the City but it's still very temperate (in the summer we're at the edge of the fog belt). This winter with the wild swings from warm moist rains to dry cold spells, the leaves have barely fallen off the liquidambers yet the magnolia trees are already in full bloom in most places -- normally they flower in mid-January. Last week I just cleaned up the yellowing leaves off the clumping daylilies, only to discover vigorous new growth already pushing up. The ranunculus and freesias have already started putting out lots of growth and they will bloom in another month unless we get a big January chill. The weekend after Thanksgiving was perfect gardening weather -- dry and in the low 60's. I got a head start then on pruning, weeding and planting some container plants I had been holding for the start of the rainy season. With a cottage style garden, I have so many different kinds of plants, cleanup is pretty much year-round. But I figure that's the price of having a garden that stays evergreen and flowers all year-round, too, so it evens out. The REALLY important thing is to remember that this is Sluggo time -- those snails are multiplying even as we type, lol!!!

That's just evil. It's been weeks since I've enjoyed a homegrown tomato that wasn't a little cherry. By far my favorite use of a tomato includes a nearly equal weight in bacon! My late summer bloom set several dozen maters but I'm not sure if they have time to blush. So far the weather is cooperating and I'll bring in a few for sure. But most of them will probably be too immature before they freeze. Psst. You never answered my last email.

Jane, why would people throw up over using coasters? I have several nice sets (mostly from ebay), including some stone ones with fossils in them, hand-carved wood, tooled leather, miniature Oriental rugs. It gets so humid here in the summer that a beverage glass will sweat a big puddle all over a table, and the hot mugs we slurp from all winter long make nasty marks on wood, and the rough bottoms of handthrown pottery can scratch something fierce. DH pretty much wrecked the top of his ~150yo Victorian nightstand leaving a cup of hot coffee on the unprotected surface, I could have killed him because now I'm going to have to fix it. (I had glass tops cut for them when I first bought them, but I hate the "clank" sound of something like a glass or mug being put down on a glass surface, and that glass is a dust magnet.) Most of our tables are antique in the sense of "old stuff" rather than "valuable" but it doesn't mean I still think it's okay to trash them. I'm not one of those people who scurries around sticking coasters under people's drinks when we have people over though, that's just rude IMO.

Different people use the word "friend" differently, so a lot of this is semantics. I tend to extend "friend" much more broadly than my husband, who has zero people he considers friends. But the lesson is what is necessary to be successful in group situations--manners and civility, which seem to be on the wane in today's society, but I don't think that is a good thing or something I would want my kid to emulate. I have this argument with my husband all the time, knowing what is and is not appropriate to say in group settings. I grew up in a small town, I learned early on to avoid gossip and trash talking anyone, ever. You never know you might be speaking to their cousin or brother-in-law!! :) My grandmother survived in her tiny village in Poland during World War I because she could get along with all sides in the conflict and smuggle resources into her town to keep people alive . . .Hence I grew up with an emphasis of not making enemies although also was taught to have principles and to stand up for them . . . just do so in a way as to not alienate those around me . . . easier said than done . . . Look at all the people who are suffering because of snarky things they have said publicly. I am in the camp that says best to err on the side of civility which is not the same thing as agreeing or supporting things that clash with your values. It's just a matter of knowing how to chose your battles. A good life would not be a constant battle ground, but it is for some people. I would definitely want my child to learn to find some ways to develop inner strength/peace/serenity or whatever the right word is. It's a life long struggle. My Mom's mantra was the "Serenity Prayer." But of course no matter how many times we discussed this concept, it never totally went away because that's life. However, my mother was quite successful professionally because she learned to overlook certain things and just keep moving forward, not get bogged down by drama. As a teacher and person who gives public program and raises money, I had to learn to never, ever speak ill of anyone, it just isn't worth it, life is long, people and circumstances change, one never knows. On the one hand. But on the other hand, if the hitting bothered your daughter and she asked her friend to stop and she didn't, they you daughter has every right to distance herself from that behavior. I would just advise your daughter not to rush to put people in the "friend/not friend" category. Just treat all people with dignity but also you can detach from the drama that troubled people might bring into your life. This is not the strong suit of a teenager, but a good skill to develop. Otherwise, your life could be much more stressful if you don't learn techniques for tamping down interpersonal drama in your life. One has to be able to do what my Mom advised, not make other people's problems your own. You have to be able to be in this world, experience the drama, but not get pulled into it. A good technique is to focus on projects and actions, not personalities. A tough balancing act, one that teenagers have to learn to navigate and it can be tough even for adults. Trust is tricky. There's a whole other dynamic too, being liked vs being a doormat vs being mean and unlike-able. It's just a balancing act we all have to perform . . . Detachment has not been my strong suit, and I've often wondered if it is possible to develop more of it or if it is just in your genes . . . vs passion . . . and then when to hold it and when to play it ???