This is hysterical!!!

Here's one more...this would describe me...

The ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) Gardener: a hybrid form of #11 (I want it all!), but a gardener who has aquired only enough gardening skills making them capable of keeping one or two low-maintenance plants alive.

The addition of more plants causes this gardener's attention to be too broadly distributed causing death to the other half of the garden due to simply forgetting that it exists.

Very funny! Let's add #16 - the Happy Gardener. This person is just glad to be home from work and out in his own backyard. While his/her spouse and teenage daughter may frequently say things like "He bought ANOTHER fruit tree?" or "where's dad? Is he at Lowe's again?" or "It probably cost him $50 to grow that papaya. We could get it at Publix for $1.99." Despite the verbal abuse he has to suffer he is happy to be out just growing something. Because when he bites into that first peach of the season he know it is HIS.

A few really happy gardeners:

I would say put me down as a recovering zone challenger,(sometimes it works) who puts her tulip bulbs in the refrigerator, and dreams of becoming a yard farmer.

Michelle

I really like this list, especially billbrandi's addition. So now I am the HAPPY Clueless Want it All Garden Hoe. When I have a bad day at work and come home grumpy, my husband and teenaged daughters say, "I think you need to go out to your garden now."

This is HYSTERICAL---- I LOVE IT !!! I'm not sure what I am, when I get myself upright in the morning and stagger into the bathroom, I look in the mirror and wonder... what am I ??? then to the coffee-pot and then out into the garden, when I start to sweat bullets I begin to KNOW what I am, but I'm not going to mention it, it's obscene..... sally

ooh, ooh, I thought of another gardener.

The Wildlife Gardener: the gardener that plants for wildlife This includes every zone 9/10 butterfly plant known to man. Her yard is certified as a wildlife habitat and nature scape and has the signs to prove it. This gardener rarely uses pesticides and has bird feeders and birdbaths adorning her garden. She thinks she's Snow White with a bluebird on her finger.
IN REALITY
She finds rats in her feeders and buffo toads in her water features. The squirrels are doing a number on her fruit and veggies and Bambi is no longer welcome, along with Peter Rabbit and whatever else is pooping in her yard at night. The butterflies that she loves are killing her 4th Lady Margaret and it's not fair and don't even get her started on cuban tree frogs. She's beginning to hate wildlife.
(no way this is me. I just made this up.)

Amberroses,

I'm cracking up with laughter, you pegged me to a 'T' with number 15 as I'm a retired engineer and the discipline of always finding the best way to do something is ingrained deep in my nature now. I always loved gardening as a way to relax my mind from the stresses of work.

I had been 'lurking' for a while reading the posts and recently decided to join & post. The people here are very nice and especially helpful. Y'all keep up the good work.
Lou

Hello folks! What a great list, I want to throw out another, however, because when it comes gardeners on the forum I think this group is larger than you know. Let's call us the Florida 'Web' Gardeners. We are the ones who silently read this forum religiously, have never met a single one of you, yet know here we have rose and orchid divas, retired landscape planners, avid and accomplished vegetable farmers, bird, butterfly, and hummer lovers, pot-in-a-pot experts, and a couple of excellent photographers. Our own gardens suffer because we spend our time in yours. Yes, I love my actual garden, but my 'virtual' garden is pretty good, too.

I really struck oil with this one I guess. You guys are so funny! The following types are now added to the list:

16. ADD Gardener: a hybrid form of #11 (I want it all!), but a gardener who has aquired only enough gardening skills making them capable of keeping one or two low-maintenance plants alive.The addition of more plants causes this gardener's attention to be too broadly distributed causing death to the other half of the garden due to simply forgetting that it exists.

17. The Happy Gardener: The one we all strive to be.

18. The Wildlife Gardener AKA "Cofeemom": the gardener that plants for wildlife This includes every zone 9/10 butterfly plant known to man. Her yard is certified as a wildlife habitat and nature scape and has the signs to prove it. This gardener rarely uses pesticides and has bird feeders and birdbaths adorning her garden. She thinks she's Snow White with a bluebird on her finger.

19. The 'Web' Gardener AKA The Pretty Picture Poster's biggest fan.

I have to say a I am a WHIMSICAL Ecologist. I want fun JUNK in my garden and frequent the Garden Junk forum where we happily share photos of our latest mosaics, bottle tree, plant in a shoe, water feature and art made from garage sale and roadside finds. But I cater to butterflies,
bats, birds, turtles, etc and raise worms for their specialty use(LOL)I have multiple compost Piles, compost bins and 2 styles of vermicompost(worm) bins! A bit of duck and veggie farming tops it all off.
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And let us NEVER forget...

As if s/he would let us...

The Competitive Gardener has the plants, the hardscape, the tools and the awards and prizes. Also probably has some published articles!

yeah,,,but then there is
the VOLUNTEER gardener who spends their time at Botanical, Handicap and children's Gardens whilst their own yard is in shambles or does not exist.
My garden hat goes off to them!
tanya

Great subject! Very funny!

I have to classify myself as a mix of 6, 10, and 11.
I want one of everything, I want a picture of everything, and everything I see on the forum I like too. My neighbors make fun of me because I don't have 2 of anything while they all plant in large groupings. Yes, their yards are prettier than mine but I think mine is much more interesting! And I have more butterflies than they do too. LOL, maybe I should say mine is a MESS of 6, 10, 11 instead of a MIX. But I like it that way.

Kate

I would be #5 all the way.....you can take the boy off the farm but can't take the farm out of the boy.

I don't know if they haunt the gardening forums, but another type is the Jungle Gardener. No one has ever seen their house, but we all suspect it's in there somewhere...

Personally I fit into more categories than I care to admit, especially the subset of Northern Transplant who found out the hard way that condo living sux and is now diligently trying to figure out what in the heck can be planted in the brand new yard at the newly acquired house despite the fact that it's 95 degrees in the shade! and OMG nothing in my garden repertoire grows here! Finally settled on growing a compost pile... ;^)

Ahhhh we all have a JUNGLE neighbor don't we!!!!

On my block I am the jungle neighbor.lol

I'm #7 for sure. How many roses can I squeeze into my postage stamp lot.
I'd need to add 'The fickle gardener" (also me) that is satisfied with the garden plan for about 10 minutes then there is a new plan.
Very funny post.
Nancy

What about the "Impulse Shopper" Gardener, for lack of a better description. This is the gardener that goes to the plant sales and buys a pretty plant but has no idea where she'll put them and then when she gets home, her DH has to move plants around and dig out new beds to fit a $5 bargain! My entire garden is based on that, but it has worked out fine.

I do have a bit of the Garden Hoe in me, pertaining to the imbibing of the spirits! I also love my little garden statues and my fountain, which is actually my DH's, but since I clean and paint the darn thing every year, it's mine.

Julie

You mean there's such a thing as a "Non-Impulse Gardener"? Seriously?

I am a #7 = roses, especially the old teas and chinas.

LOL, I'm definitely a #8!

And for the record, I only have ONE compost pile and TWO rain barrels!

Ahem.

And I only name all the turtles, snakes, and birds in my yard because they're family! :-)

This is too funny! And lots of fun, without any fights.

I am also a combination of a lot of the above, an impulsive, fickle, Zone challenged, Martha Steward Want-it-all, veteran swapper Garden Hoe! With a little bit of Jungle gardener and collector thrown in.

Cherie

I'm still questioning the "non impulse" gardener. I mean are there really people who say, oh I need a citrus tree, so they go to a store and buy a citrus tree? They don't stop to see what's new or check the clearance racks?

Because I just went food shopping at BJ's and came home with an orchid....

Hi my name is coffeemom and I'm an impulse gardener.

Not sure there is a single type listed for me. Being a retired "injunear", tend to want to try new things.
Currently starting some sweet pepper, black jungle butterbeans, and egg plant seeds in 5 gal buckets with a totally self generated soiless mix. It consist of what I've labeled palmetto coir (the bottom of each stem has a wrap around the previous growth, unwrap it and mulch it with mulching lawnmower), horse stable cleanings that I hot composted, earthworm casting (dodo)from my homemade boxes (hardy board), and bat guano from under my homemade bat boxes. LOL !
I'm also impulsive, if I see something like SWB made from 5 gal burger king buckets, have to try them.
Silvia has convinced me to try pottery type containers for tomatoes next year. Going to try to make some from Hardy Boards. You can also call me cheap, frugal I prefer :>)
My sister made a needlepoint with two owls sitting on a limb while the 3rd one is hanging upside down. She said it reminded her of me.

Any suggestions for a label ?? how about confused retarded engineer!!
bernie

I'm the collector and specialist, I have the rare and the best, but I only grow tomatoes and peppers. And I also have live stock, Beef-Master Angus.

But I wish I was the yard farmer and Ecologist(I do grow organic).

Yes, coffeemom, there is such a thing as the "non impulse" gardener. They are called husbands (at least in my case). If he needs a citrus tree, he goes and buys a citrus tree, no stopping to see what else is new, no deviations from the plan! (He is also an engineer.) And no moving of plants once they are planted! God forbid.

That's why we have separate parts of the yard, he has the front "landscaped" part of the yard, and I have the back, wilder, anything goes area of the yard. The problem arises on the sides of the house where our areas meet, this is where the arguments arise and we have to agree. He puts stuff in and I take it out. OR I sneak stuff in when he's not looking.

Yard wars! I think we could make a new TV series out of this.

cdbinfl my hubby and I divided the yard also!!! Do you ever listen to Tom and Joanie Mc Cubbin's His and Her gardening on Saturday AM??? They also have a website
tanya

Cherri and Tanya, that is too funny -- yard wars!! My hubby doesn't really care and leaves it up to me. Guess I am lucky to get to do what I want with the garden. :o)

LMAO- ROF - Yep - very funny.....I am the Clueless One with regard to growing anything edible...was freightened to eat anything I grow! Otherwise, I fall under #3, the Martha Stewart...my husband gets upset because I bleach my garden rocks every month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, yes...the His and Hers Gardeners! Half of my yard is now devoted to HIS bamboo and bromeliads (The Boos and Broms area, or as he calls it, The Bamboo Grove). The other half is my hodge-podge. I guess I'm The Wildlife Gardener, without the feeder rats and bufos, but definitely battling the CTF's. (Most years...still haven't seen one this year, since the freezes). Having said that, I'm not much of a Purist about anything. If butterflies and bees and hummers like it, great. But if they don't, and I do, well, too bad for them. It gets added anyway, just for fun. And then there's that Whimsical Gardener. I do like my bottle trees, birdhouses, and gazing balls. Bits of shiny stuff tucked here and there.

Are any of us truly all just one thing? Maybe we are as hybrid as most of our plants are?

Fun topic!!

Marcia

CTF = cuban tree frog
bufos = toad in the amphibian family Bufonidae
feeder rat = ??fruit rat??

feeder rat = rat in your bird feeder

(Hi Marcia...waving wildly)

Yep...CTF, cuban tree frog. Nasty exotics that eat everything from native treefrogs to baby birds.

And a qualified yep for Bufos, an inexact name for ANY toad of the bufo genus, including our lovely native southeastern toads. (Yes, they are Bufos, too.) But often used confusingly in referring to the horrid giant marine toads a/k/a cane toads, that have invaded south Florida. All are bufos, true, but only Bufo marinus is bad.

Feeder rats? For me, any smallish rodent deciding to eat at my birdfeeder. Which I don't have happen, because I have very effective (SO FAR, knock wood) baffles on my feeder poles. I don't even have squirrels eating from them any more, and I guess they could be called Bushy-Tailed Feeder Rats, couldn't they?

Marcia

Hi, Coffeemom...waving wildly back atcha!! How's tricks??

I guess I shouldn't have said "feeder rat," eh? Sounded like something I put in the dog's bowl!!! *grin*

Marcia

How about the haphazard gardener? In my Cape Cod garden I just started planting things that I liked, bunches of things, hundreds of daylilies. I doubted myself, but now, it's come together. The plantings are filled in and look pretty good.
I'm doing the same thing in the Sarasota garden, but everything grows faster. I was in Sarasota ten days ago, it was dry, dry, hot and more dry.

Carol B.

I have a friend who is a non-impulse gardener. She actually went to Loew's for a croton and bought a croton and that's it! My husband also is a n-i gardener. Back up in PA, I let him have the front and I had the back, which was bigger. Here in FL, the front, back and side are all mine(but I let him help with the mulch, digging, etc.).

Julie

that's just not right.....lol

What a good post :)
I'm a combination #6 collector,Garden hoe with ADD influense wirth a little touch of whimsy, married to a gardening grump :) I've also been know to muder a few unsuspecting little plants Rainy

I'm not sure what type I am either, as I have tropical, cottage gardens. That was sure a humorous list. I'd have to agree with billbrandi in being a 'happy gardener'.

FlowerLady

What hilarity! Love the fun posts, and learning a bit about y'all in the bargain.

For those who have ever read my few posts, I'm the clueless one, the transplant subset. If there's subsets of subsets, I would be the transient transplant. I spend my life following my spouse's work, geographically speaking. I pack houses, and unpack. I accumulate all manner of flower pots and containers, then downsize, give away, and move again. My gardening efforts are full of hearty enthusiasm, as well as serial plant murdering (I like to blame it on local plant ignorance and not my PJIC disease, *plants jump into the cart*). Since we never get to live in one place long enough for either the humans or the plants to put down deep roots, we transient transplants collect any and all plants fervently, via swaps, pinching starts at public malls and other venues, and the local garden center. Then, we moan and groan about disposing of our pot ghetto when the next move is announced. Transient transplants spend way too much time covering up and disguising the objectionable architectural features of our current rental digs. We creatively hang plants, put up fishing line trellises to cover up nasty window views, and annoy the neighbors with our homemade garden accessories, obtained in pre-dawn trash-day scrounging. These charming accents (yes, even the old commodes planted with petunias), feed our collector (#6) genes, which we fervently nurture upon arrival in our latest garden planting zone. We don't consciously try to be specialists (#7s), but once we latch onto a type of plant that we don't kill in the newest climate, we grow it in every color known to the species. Oh, and yes, we have even been known to dumpster-dive in #2 and #4's trash bins, where the plant pickings are amazingly healthy, lush, and green. We transient transplants have become experts at covertly watching your work through our mis-matched window coverings (read - sheets), knowing there's gonna be really good pickings in YOUR trash this week. This serves to help our garden budget go further, knowing we must fill up our pots and fronts of landlord's planting beds to overflowing in such a short period of time, before we have to frantically put it all back, to get ready for the next household moving cycle. When the next move is announced, we lovingly dig up, label, package, and mail starts of all these frantically planted pot ghettos to our Northern friends, for safekeeping until we get settled into our next digs. In actuality, our Northern plant recipients can't even remember our names, or why they are receiving these care-packages of dirt and mushy, frozen green blobs, resembling a refrigerator science experiment....

Billbrandy, where did you get those pictures? I never look that good when gardening...pieces of sticks, weeds in my hair, dirt on my knees, cuts and scrapes, sweat running down my face and messing up my glasses...LMBO!

I'm a zone challenger, but grow things from more tropical zones... Mostly I'm a Mr. I want it all, but I do stick to certain themes and keep consistent background plantings to emulate a rainforest. Is there a "theme gardener" category?

I am definitely a combination of things. I am the jungle gardener here for sure. I let a bunch of weeds in the back acre grow tall as me because I noticed the butterflies like them so much. They are completely covered with butterflies every morning so I didnt have the heart to cut them down. I am in a rural area that is allowed to have livestock and weeds so no one cares. Our next door nieghbors are the oddballs with a perfectly manicured couple acres that they mow twice a week and have hardly any other plants and only one little dog LOL!
I grow mostly stuff that would freeze here without protection but am trying to grow more edibles, and some native stuff for wildlife and my chickens. I am thinking about getting a milk goat to make soap, cheese, etc. and to eat grass.

LOL@ the forum police gardener..I noticed no one wants to fess up to that one :P

OMG LOL!!!! Funniest thing I've read in awhile! Thanks for the great laugh Amberroses! And Coffeemom, LOL re sending people away with seeds, cuttings, 5-gal plants, etc.. And yard wars! My yard is all mine, if it were my husband he'd definitely be the landscaper, but he lets me be with all the natives and wildflowers etc. (Allbeit with the occaisional "what's going on here" type comment.)

I guess I'm mostly the wildlife gardner but not with signs, and not many pests that really get under my skin. A lot of bare passiflora though!

A little bit of the ecologist with three rain barrels, random compost buckets, and just starting my second worm bin. And definitely no pesticides. But no idea about different "types" of compost. Just throw stuff out there. Sometimes let it rot for awhile in 5-gal pots, or just bury it in the garden. Although now the worm bin gets most of it. All the paper and cardboard goes under the mulch... and on and on.

Also often have ADD but with mostly very low-maintenance stuff they don't mind when I forget them. Oh and I do volunteer at the Edison~Ford Winter Estates and often find myself thinking, "I should be weeding/potting/trimming/raking/watering at home!" but with the ADD I'd be forgetting even if I were at home.

Anyway, thanks again for the laughs! Great!
kelly

Hi! Someone on the butterfly website linked to this post and after reading it (thank you so much for the morning chuckles with my coffee) I had to add my two cents worth, espcially since I grew up in Pensacola, FL.

MaNature - My mom always called squirrels tree rats, so there's another variation.

Amberrose, thank you for starting this. If you don't mind, I would like to share this with the Master Gardeners here in SE Okla., as your categories would fit anywhere there is gardening taking place and I'm all for any humor you can put into life. When you start taking life too serious, you are in big trouble and miss out on lots of great stuff.

What category am I? Hi! My name is Ms. Faith and I'm an impulse gardener. (Loved that one, Coffemom); I garden for butterflies - adults and caterpillars (this is a work in progress; I draw up landscapes for my yard but somehow it never comes out anywhere near what I put on paper, but is more of a mish mash of everything with an emphasis on daylilies; yes, my husband has part of the yard and I have the rest and have to fight to keep him from trying to re-do my part (LOL); don't have any compost piles or rainbarrels, but have a birdbath, birdfeeders (and a tree rat that feeds out of them), some garden junk, lots of rocks, beds lined with concrete blocks (a huge pile of them came with the house - and I do like to re-purpose stuff); I work on the flowerbeds at church; I try not to use pesticides unless it is absolutely necessary (I hate grasshoppers, which have made trying pesticides to get rid of them a necessity this year); and yes, I have had my little gardening experiments and tried to challenge the zone I am living in (will probably continue to push the limit on this). Well that just about covers all of the categories.

Again, thanks to all of you for such a wonderful post and I look forward to visiting this site again.

Ms. Faith

I am glad everyone enjoyed my wacky post and I had fun reading what everyone added to it. I guess I have learned that there is no "one" kind of gardener. Each of us finds our own way of self expression. I think gardening is really a form of art and we use life and creation as our media. I even consider the Scientist and the Landscaper to be artists:)

mssunflower-you can share my observations with anyone, just be sure to correct all the typos I made:) I don't imagine anyone else here would mind if you shared their stories either.

Thanks,Amberroses, this thread takes the cake! Reminds me of years ago on Gardenweb - the compendiums of our choices of garden couture, or what we do with our yards that incense our neighbors. The wacky senses of humor are out in abundance. Must be the recent rains that have made us all (? at least me) happy.

Big welcome Lou in Floral City and teadye in St Pete, and anyone else "new"!

And, Amber, I think you should publish.

"The Wildlife Gardener: the gardener that plants for wildlife This includes every zone 9/10 butterfly plant known to man. Her yard is certified as a wildlife habitat and nature scape and has the signs to prove it. This gardener rarely uses pesticides and has bird feeders and birdbaths adorning her garden. She thinks she's Snow White with a bluebird on her finger." from an earlier post

Except I allow all the weeds to grow too....after all the butterflys love them too! The lazy gardener

I would be a 7 with a little of 3 mixed in. I grow only tomatoes for now, but I refuse to give up in summer. Everyone here thinks i'm crazy. I don't care. I want to see what happens to my plants when it starts cooling off.