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jiggreen

I was so insulted!!!

jiggreen
15 years ago

This afternoon I was outside puttering around, watering, weeding...you know the normal routine.... when a neighbor walked by and stopped. She said "I just LOVE your landscaping!" She looks around a little bit and then says "Wow, it's really filling in, I can't even see the pond anymore" I could tell that even though she professed to love it, ...that she thought it was a hodgepodgey mess of overgrown, unpruned plants. I wanted to choke her, but instead I just said thank you. This clearly is a woman who "just doesn't get it!!" It's not landscaping...it's a GARDEN, it's a passionate labor of love. Landscaping is functional, it hides or accentuates OTHER things such as house foundations. Gardens exist solely because the people who tend them LOVE them....the kind of people who eat, breathe and sleep their gardens. The kind of people who dream all winter long of what their going to plant and spend many, many cold evenings poring over catalogs. The kind of people who rush out every morning in the spring to see what has started to bud. The kind of people who measure the growth of their plants with the same obsessiveness of someone who measures and marks their kid's heights on a doorframe.

That hodgepodgey "landscape" that she would probably take a pair of pruning shears to is my pride and joy. The pond is in there somewhere...I know it is, I can hear the fountain merrily splashing away...I don't need to actually SEE IT. The red fairy roses that have dreams of world domination are happily mixing it up with the daylilies, salvia and tickseed. The lemon balm and columbine is getting cozy with the hostas, but the hostas are still holding their own and peeking out from underneath. The Bee Balm and the oriental lilies are getting to know each other so well that they are thinking of dating. (She'd probably have a stroke if she knew that there were a couple of tomato plants hanging out with the false lupines.)

So yeah lady....it's a bit overgrown and pretty much a mix of everything that I love all crammed together....but it makes me happy to look at it....so go ahead and march yourself back to your yard with your "specimen" plants and bushes shaped like ducks and let me get back to taking care of my baby!

Comments (41)

  • aftermidnight Zone7b B.C. Canada
    15 years ago

    You've been peeking over my fence LOL. I couldn't have described my garden any better than you have yours, different plants but the same idea. I think you are a kindred spirit.
    Annette

  • libbyshome
    15 years ago

    Landscaping? Landscaping? Cottage gardens are about as far from landscaping as you can get.

    Oh well. Just say thanks and move on. Her problem, not yours. ;)

    Libby

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  • DYH
    15 years ago

    Jiggreen -- I'm so sorry. Try to shake it off. Bless you.

    I had a similar thing happen when one of my neighbors told me that I have too many flowers! As my DH says, is the sky too blue? I just told another neighbor (who stopped by the garden for over an hour last evening) that I'm afraid to invite our small neighborhood over to see the garden for fear someone will complain to the HOA. There is an interpretation by the majority that we're not supposed to have anything in front of our homes except foundation plants and MOWED (below 10") grass on the large acreage (most lots are over 4 acres). Just chatting with the nice neighbor got me all anxious...I tossed and turned all night. Since my garden is in front of the house and I'm out there so much, it probably appears that all I do is plant flowers! :-) Most of the time, I'm just enjoying it and checking on things ...the flowers change by the hour this time of year!

  • aftermidnight Zone7b B.C. Canada
    15 years ago

    Jiggreen, some people just don't get it and never will, I find it's not what they say so much as the condescending tone in their voices that gets me. I so have to bite my tongue at times and appear pleasant when I really feel like giving them an earful.
    Annette

  • agardenstateof_mind
    15 years ago

    Oh I wish I could remember some of the phrases from "America's Cottage Gardens" (which I knew was in our park library but never actually read until another thread here got me going) ... you need to hear (or read) some of those thoughts.

    One thing that stands out, however, is the author's belief that the essential common characteristic among all of America's diverse cottage gardens is a sense of unselfconsciousness, which arises from the fact that the gardener is gardening for the sheer love of it, not to impress others, and that spirit - the love, joy, enthusiasm and generosity - is reflected in the garden itself.

    So, what Libby said. Please don't let ever allow such people to diminish your joy in your garden. (But we all need to vent sometimes, and thank you for sharing, because I'm sure there are others who have had or will have the same experience and it's ever so good to know you're not alone.)

    Diane

  • Bamateacha
    15 years ago

    Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all neighbors? We understand exactly what you mean when you describe your emotions about your garden.

    Cameron, how could anyone...ANYONE...not fall in love with your beautiful garden? The thought of someone not appreciating that beautiful place just astounds me!

  • PRO
    Nell Jean
    15 years ago

    My neighbor, whose garden is not in sight of mine, sent me this message by a mutual friend: "Don't spend so much time out there in your yard...."
    I thought the next part was going to be, "You're old and you might die of heat stroke."

    Not so. The next words were, "You're going to make me look bad." Those people have a YARD MAN who installs the new plants,
    grooms and tends the immaculate lawn, swimming pool and exotic plantings, and tries to mow the rest of the considerable acreage which is full of holes and stumps.

    I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

  • lorna-organic
    15 years ago

    Jiggreen, your description of your garden is rather poetic. Gardening is a form of art for many of us, as well as a way of life.

    Those who cannot express themselves without talking down to others, cannot allow for the opinions or ideas of others, or come on too strong, have no couth! Meaning they aren't sophisticated, mannered, kind or pleasant people and they probably have inferiority complexes. :-)

    Cameron, does the HOA regulation define foundation plants? If not, there is no real guideline. I think "Southern Living" or "Better Homes and Gardens" would do a spread on your gardens, if you invited them to do so. What do you think of that idea?!
    Lorna

  • jiggreen
    Original Author
    15 years ago

    I knew you all would understand :)

  • friend
    15 years ago

    jiigreen

    I just cant stop laughing about the bushes shaped liek ducks!
    MWAAAA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!
    NICE!!!

    Your post was poetic and we all feel the same way!

    Foxes earth- am I being naive? I think it sounds liek a compliment?? you probably ARE making him look bad!

  • contrary_grow
    15 years ago

    Jiggreen,

    I'll bet there are lots of people who admire your garden even though they haven't stopped by to tell you. It sounds like a lovely, peaceful garden.

    Mary

  • a2zmom_Z6_NJ
    15 years ago

    I would be insulted also!

    My gardens are in front of my house since it's the only sunny portion of my property. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm crazy (I was mixing 80 pounds of dug out clay and 80 pounds of sand together in my wheelbarrow so I could plant lavender) but a lot of them stop and tell me how nice it looks. Most of the houses on my street have a few sad marigolds planted around the mailbox and that's it.

  • hollyhocker_123
    15 years ago

    Listen Buddy,

    I didn't even read the rest of your post. So I could quickly respond to calm you!! Don't give her a second thought. I had a neighbor say my yard looks like a garden center! To people who don't garden. They just don't GET IT !!! So don't be upset. I'll admit I strive for a Martha Stewart garden. With 200 perenials all tidy and 600 veggies that make people slam on their brakes. I'm sure I'll never have it but I'm still trying. Fellow gardeners unite. Leave the landscaping to those people who want it!!

  • PRO
    Nell Jean
    15 years ago

    Aside to friend: I think it was just conversation.
    The thought that went through my mind was that if I had the yard man for a whole day every week....
    and the money they've obviously spent....
    and I wasn't out there in the heat with gnats gnawing on my face and sweat running down....

    Jig, people just don't 'get it' when they look at our gardens. Don't worry, be happy. May all your plants turn out as you planned.

    Nell

  • DYH
    15 years ago

    Oh, just don't get me started on my HOA...If I could draw cartoon characters, I'd have enough HOA material for a syndicated comic strip in all the Sunday papers! Think about a Dilbert type HOA comic strip! LOL

    I think all of us who garden for ourselves run into the opposing views from some. When I'm in my garden, I'm lost in my own little world. I share with this forum because we're of the same mindset.

    I love Jiggreen's description of the companion plants getting cozy and dating! :-) That's so cute!

    We're all in this together, folks!

  • natvtxn
    15 years ago

    It is a shame that they can't see it as we do.
    Last week a neighbor came over to ask what the dinner plate hibiscus are. She wants some now. She said she has room at the corner of her house. I am hooking them one house at a time. LOL!
    May we cottagers infect the world!!!!!!!!

    Kathy

  • lorna-organic
    15 years ago

    If they only knew how much work goes into a cottage garden, maybe they'd have some RESPECT. I did four hours in the garden this morning. My butt has been kicked ever since. My shoulders, arms and hands ache. My energy dwindled to zombie level. A nap didn't improve things. I am content in my mind about accomplishing all of that work, albeit uncomfortable in body. Oh well, I'm 55, no spring chicken!

    I am slowly piecing together a pasta and chicken version of that Southwestern Rice Salad. Chop one vegetable, then sit down for awhile, wash a few of the preparation dishes, then sit down for awhile... I finally got it finished and chilling so the flavors can mingle a bit. I'll be eating dinner around 10pm. Anybody care to join me at that fashionable hour for a simple supper (midnight snack for some of you)?
    Lorna

  • gardengirl_17
    15 years ago

    You're a hoot! There is a vast divide between gardeners and non-gardeners. We used to have a neighbor across the street who would comment every time I came home with a carload of plants. He'd say "aren't you done planting yet?" and my reply was always "If you can still see mulch, then I'm not done planting." LOL!!!!

    Now it's hard to get any work done in the yard because I swear all the nearby neighbors come over to ask us questions about what to plant, how to prune, what's wrong with their plant, etc. We have also been giving away plants to them when they express an interest. We're infecting them too!

  • FlowerLady6
    15 years ago

    (((jig))) Your gardens are lovely, full of heart and soul. We can't please everyone, and actually your neighbor just might be a tad jealous of what you have created. Let her have her landscaping crew. You just keep enjoying the beauty that surrounds you and keep your happy spirit flourishing.

    ***the essential common characteristic among all of America's diverse cottage gardens is a sense of unselfconsciousness, which arises from the fact that the gardener is gardening for the sheer love of it, not to impress others, and that spirit - the love, joy, enthusiasm and generosity - is reflected in the garden itself.***

    Diane ~ Thanks for posting the above, just lovely and oh so true. I'm going to see if our library has this book, it sounds great.

    Happy gardening everyone. Don't let other's negative statements get you down. Be happy in your gardens, soaking up the wondrous elements that make up your unique garden spaces.

    FlowerLady

  • primgal36
    15 years ago

    Hey, I know what you mean. One of my neighbors actually pulls his chair out and then sits and watches me, and he'll say "Aren't you done yet?" Meanwhile, their yard is plain and has nothing in it.
    No one understands us gardeners, unless they are a gardener, and whomever said that about people having inferiority complexes, was absolutly right.
    Alot of strangers walk by and tell me they enjoy my gardens, meanwhile, no one else gets those kind of compliments. I get irritated, but I mostly consider the source and move on, I've got things to do.
    At least we do something that beautifies our space, I don't care what others think.

  • gldno1
    15 years ago

    Great thread.

    Cameron, I cringe thinking of trying to live where there is a HOA! They would vote me out immediately.
    I don't think I could even live in town anymore.

    I wish we could all live in the same community so we could admire each other's work. Where we live, in the country, I could count on one hand anyone who even has flowers, period.

    I pass by one place that has a border out front by the road and is starting others on her property (another farm). I am thinking of stopping some time and introducing myself. I need to divide and move daylilies and iris next month and maybe she would be interested. I have started another young neighbor (actually she is almost 40) on gardening. She stopped by yesterday...have given her some plants and am giving her more soon.

    We are converting the world one person at a time!

    Now, to convince them to put in a vegetable garden....

  • lindakimy
    15 years ago

    My garden is far out in the country and in the middle of thick woods besides. You can't see any of it from the road or any neighbor's place nor can you see the road or any other house from any part of my garden. THAT effectively avoids nasty comments and snide remarks. But it also eliminates any admiration or compliments on my garden.

    I'm very happy to be gardening in complete privacy (there is even a locked gate!) but sometimes I do wish for a bit of feedback - besides dear DH who often sighs that "it's an oasis"! Bless his heart!

    Yesterday a couple came by to see DH while I was a work. They are acquaintances of his but I haven't met them yet. DH told me the woman just marveled at my borders and beds. Meanwhile I was cringing at the thought of my poor heatstroked plants being exposed to view. The last week of insane temperatures in the 100s has left a serious mark! And I got behind with deadheading last weekend by going to a friend's birthday party instead. For once someone actually SAW my garden and (1) I wasn't even there to hear what she said and (2) my garden is FAR from its best at the moment! Wouldn't you know it?

  • jiggreen
    Original Author
    15 years ago

    "Now, to convince them to put in a vegetable garden...."

    LOL! I live in a community that FORBIDS veggie gardens...so (being the rebel that I am) I sneak them in where ever I can manage. Tomato plants hide out amongst other non-forbidden things and I have ten 5-gallon buckets (hidden from view of the road) that I've planted more tomato plants in as well as peppers, cucumbers and some melons (I'm not sure how the melons will do...I figure I'll let the vines spill out over the tops of the buckets and ramble their way down the hill)

    I'm not sure why they forbid vegetable gardens...it probably has something to do with attracting wildlife, or the potential to have veggies rotting on the ground, but I refuse to let their stupid arbitrary rules infringe on what I consider the quality of my life. Gardening, be it flower or veggie adds immense value to my life in the joy it brings me, as well as excercise and the relaxation and sense of accomplishment at the end of a hard day planting and weeding. So I will continue to sneak in more veggie plants and camaflouge them with law-abiding plants and I'll have myself a little chuckle when I'm biting into a fresh-from-the-garden tomato!

  • tuscanseed
    15 years ago

    Maybe you interpeted her the wrong way, as perhaps you are concerned that things are overgrown, etc. Many lush gardens have water features which are heard and not seen, and it is the gardener who determines the garden, not the visitor.
    Here is a recent contrast to my own garden:
    1. City official stops by and asks who is my landscaper. I answer that I am, and I ask him why. He says that he's never seen a more beautiful garden that seems so natural and abundant in bloom, la la la.
    Same week...
    2. Visitor stops by and comment about the tall "weeds" and how I may get ticketed by the county for unkept property. My response was the "weeds" are actually cultivated plants, of which I could name every one. Every plant had a calculated place in which to grow. I also pointed out the well-maintained walking paths, grass areas, and neatly edged garden beds. To each his own.
    The point being, is that people will see your garden with different eyes. There are perfect lawn people, formal garden people, no garden people, gawdy garden people, overdone yard art people. etc...As long as you are happy with it and it is not a neglected mess, then enjoy the fruits of your labor.

  • PRO
    Nell Jean
    15 years ago

    Do you suppose that the current tomato crisis will be a factor in HOAs rethinking 'vegetable gardening' as a viable alterantive to buying
    imported tomatoes of dubious origin as well as fresh lettuce, spinach and so on?
    They could put in a clause about not leaving spent plants to die.

    There are few flowers prettier than a well-kept eggplant with lavender blossoms and aubergine fruits.
    Okra is another pretty veggie, growing. You can always say it's some kind of hibiscus with decorative seed pods.

    Nell

  • DYH
    15 years ago

    This is what my neighbors see from the road (although I wasn't even back in the road to take this). Can't you tell that I have too many flowers and trees in the meadow?

    {{gwi:698128}}

  • FlowerLady6
    15 years ago

    Oh my goodness Cameron! Why on earth anyone would say you have too many flowers has to be CRAZY! What a wonderful place you have.

    FlowerLady

  • ianna
    15 years ago

    Jig,

    Neighbors are a curious bunch - most especially if they have no idea what gardening is about. I'd let it slide. I'm a big fan of Piet Oudolf, who helped found the New Wave Gardening style. (I fall in between cottage and prairie gardening). He doesn't like to listen to his critics because he says he knows what he likes and it doesn't matter what people say. I think this is the right attitude.

  • msmisk
    15 years ago

    I'm going to have to tell my gardening buddy about this post - her granddaughter visited and said her yard was a "jungle", and not in a nice way. She was bummed. Her yard is definitely lush and full and she has lots of cool stuff. I told her the GD probably likes the typical sterile "landscaping" and just doesn't appreciate such abundance !

    Carol

  • karendee
    15 years ago

    I had something like that happen to me. My neighbor told me I should shape my bushes better.

    I am one that likes the natural look. I hate shaped bushes so much!!! I mostly trim off any wild pieces but generally I leave them in their natural shape. I think they look better that way!

    I think you have a great idea of how your yard should look. Also when you posted about going outside to see what has bloomed you described me perfectly! I do that a lot. When I come home from lots of times I walk around the house and check out what is happening in the gardens.

    Karen

  • friend
    15 years ago

    here's what kills me- whatever happened to "if you dont have anythign nice to say- dont say anythgin at ALL??!!!"

    WHy woudl someone come tell you about your "weeds" or tell you your yard is a JUNGLE, not in a nice way??? that is sooooo just NOT NICE. even if someone's yard is an EYE SORE- I dont tell them..! it;s not my business and i'm not out to hurt people's feelings for god sake! Peopel have some real B*LLS to say the things they do- i tell you. Who died and left them boss of the world? jeez.

  • natvtxn
    15 years ago

    I have to comment on veg gardens.

    I wonder if my HOA knows the chinese lady is growing "things" for their resturant?
    I keep telling her sons how nice it looks, as she speaks no english.
    Maybe that way some veggies might appear at my door. LOL

  • redrumed
    15 years ago

    My dad used to say it looked like a hill billy lived at my house and would chuckle. One day I let out a yee haw and danced a jig and that stopped that. Don't let the b@$!@$^s get you down life is too short :)

  • girlgroupgirl
    15 years ago

    Oh, my favorite comment here was when a woman living in a home with NOTHING in front, no shrubs, no grass NOTHING but dirt said "Who could stand living there with all those plants and &^%$"!
    Jiggreen, you are very right to point out that sometimes you just smile and take things as a compliment because you have to look at the other side of it. You could be living in a bombed out hovel and be snippy, gossipy, mean and unhappy like the woman who disliked my garden. I mean, what is a bigger compliment than the exact opposite of what a person like this seems to think is "nice" or at least tolerable.
    Humorously, this woman, it was found, ended up running a house of ill repute (hers) and running guns. A class act!!

    My own dear mother was caught yesterday removing all her beautiful forget me nots which where like a tiny blue pillow for her miniature coral rose. I couldn't believe it! She thought that they would be "too much competition" and here I'd just reached for the camera to send you all a picture of the lovely composition I thought my mother had created in her garden. She thinks her back garden is "over crowded" because you can't see dirt in between each plant! Finally I had to say (you must be tender to my mother, she has definite opinions but soft feelings)"Mom, you garden is GORGEOUS and it's finally filled out properly too where it should be!!". No marching soldiers of annuals...just a lovely mix of greens, flowers, leaf shapes, annuals and perennials planted here and there...just lovely. And me thinking she had finally "got it", lol.

    GGG

  • angelcub
    15 years ago

    Happy people have no equals. Gardeners are happy people, therefore . . . : )

    Diana

  • prairiefox
    15 years ago

    My last home had a wooded area in the back which I just loved. The new neighbors behind us came over one day and asked when we were going to clear out all that brush as there were too many mosquitoes (duh! We lived down the road from a river). The last thing I was going to do was clear out all the bushes so that I could see their house. Now, I live in a subdivision and we have let our back acre (out of two) go to a meadow. I love it- so many lovely prairie flowers. I'm sure the neighbors here think I'm nuts too. I think they're nuts when they are out mowing these large lots.

  • pianolady007
    15 years ago

    LOL, this topic is very entertaining. One of my neighbors does not like gardening, and he's boxed in on both sides and from behind with 3 avid flower gardeners. It's quite the hoot as he doesn't understand nor appreciate the flowers. One time he asked "if I had any marijuana growing in there?" I said he'd be the first to know if I find any.

  • sami_i_am
    15 years ago

    I am a complete newbie to the concept of cottage gardens, but what you all are talking about is exactly the way I garden. Fortunately for us, there is no HOA in our neighborhood. But I am bound and determined to NEVER live in a neighborhood with an HOA after conversations with people who are active in their HOAs (read: like many of your neighbors) who make petty, anonymous complaints because so-and-so hasn't mowed the grass in a proper amount of time.

    We do have an informal HOA here. It consists of two bored retired women and a middle aged guy with a chainsaw. When we bought the house we weren't really concerned with landscaping as the inside needed so much work. But one day the guy shows up with his chainsaw and, with our permission, hacked out the little jungle we had growing in our front yard! Even now that I AM turning the front into a thing of beauty we get comments from the bored retired women about how we need to prune the crape myrtles - that one is getting a little tall, isn't it, dear?

  • Shades_of_idaho
    15 years ago

    Jiggreen, you post made me smile the way you describe a cotttage gardner. Hits home. I am sorry your neighbor was not so nice about it. I have been to this forum before and got lots of good information. We are right in the middle,past middle , of a move. I have NO YARD garden nothing. All dirt.GOOD dirt!! 150 yards trucked in. New place. Leaving my sort of cottage garden behind. So sad. I shagged many of my favorites and have been babying them for the last couple of months. I keep seeing something I missed and grab a start.

    I do not have a plan for the new yard other than a court yard effect even though I have been dreaming of this new yard for a long time.

    I long for the day my garden will look like your's.I will not be in much for awhile . Just as I have the energy after a long day of moving. Have to be out of here in two weeks so time is short. THEN I will be back to get new ideas on how and where to start. Can't think of better people to get good ideas.Can't wait!!! So anxious to get started.

    Chris

    Here is a link that might be useful: {{gwi:394423}}

  • Bamateacha
    15 years ago

    "We do have an informal HOA here. It consists of two bored retired women and a middle aged guy with a chainsaw."

  • mycalicogirls
    15 years ago

    We moved this past winter to a small town in Minnesota. As soon as spring arrived I started my new front yard garden. Not only are the neighbors gossiping about what we are doing, but I heard through the grapevine that it's being talked about all over town! They must all think I'm a freak or something. It's a newer neighborhood, and so everyone can see every bed drawn out in the lawn with RoundUp, both front and back. The flowers out front are blooming now and the compliments are coming. Keep the faith. Molly

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