The FrankenComposter, or You Know Youâre a Compost Whacko When�
Okay, so I rigged up this experiment...
I wanted to be able to compost in the winter, in the house (you know you're a compost whacko when). I used an insulated container with a drain for the leachate, a pipe for the air circulation, and a kind of turn-able spoke/crank to mix up the compost. Zero budget, so it's made from stuff I had laying around the basement. Yep, it's the FrankenComposter.
It actually worked pretty well too. But it was too slow and small scale so ended up collecting dust in a corner for a while. However, necessity is, as they say, the mother of invention. I started trying to work toward Zero Waste (as little garbage as possible, so no food waste in the trash) and I was looking for a way to efficiently/cleanly/decently compost meat scraps (in the winter, in the house). I thought, "Oh what the heck, why not try the FrankenComposter? It's just sitting there, right?" So, I put blended meat scraps, sawdust, leaf litter, and a little compost into this thing, sealed it up and turned it once a day for about 8 weeks.
A better solution for meat scraps ended up presenting itself and I eventually stopped bothering with the FrankenComposter. It sat unattended for another month or so. It never smelled at all, but the looming horror of the grossness percolating within its interior started to get to me and after a while I was downright haunted by the thought of this thing sitting in my basement. ...Waiting for me.
So finally today I thought, "That's it! No more living in dread, I'm going to take care of this mess right now." I geared up-- gloves, breathing filter, the works. If I could have gotten my hands on a hazmat suit, I would have used it. I dug a nice big hole to dump the contents into. I had the hose standing by, ready for action. I warned everyone in the house, if they valued their lives, they had better not come between me and the shower the second I was done.
Then, with everything ready, the hard moment had come. With some choice words to myself about "me and my *brilliant* ideas," I gritted my teeth, held my breath, and opened up the FrankenComposter to dump it as quickly as possible into the hole. I couldn't help sneaking a quick peek though-- and OH MY GOD, it was DIRT! Nothing but DIRT! No smell, no bits, no sawdust, just Dirt! Plain old beautiful Dirt!
It was like a miracle. I stood there in total disbelief for way too long. My jaw actually hung open. I had no idea how this ended up being okay, but I was deeply, infinitely grateful. And then I wanted to jump up and down and shout my ecstatic relief and jubilation from the roof top-- "The FrankenComposter worked! It's Diiirrrrrrrrttttt!!!!"
But that would have been more than the neighbors could have handled, so I peeled off my protective layers, pitched the Franken-dirt into the perennials, filled the hole I had dug back in, and had some breakfast instead.
Had to tell you guys about it.
Comments (33)
toxcrusadr
11 years agoWhat a tale. But this thread is worthless without pics. :-] And a detailed recipe.
Lloyd
11 years agoCongratulations! (I think)
Lloyd
P.S. It's better than just "dirt".
P.P.S What did you have for breakfast? ;-)
terrene
11 years agoCongrats on your "dirt", and yeah, I was wanting to see a pic of the opened Frankencomposter too.
reedandleaf
Original Author11 years agoOh drat, the picture thing didn't work. Will try to figure it out...
wertach zone 7-B SC
11 years agoGo to photobucket, click on the picture, click share, click link code, copy the full link under HTML for websites & blogs full size and paste it here. That should work, it does for me.
toxcrusadr
11 years agoNifty!
I usually just throw them in my regular compost bin, always well covered of course. But I don't have that much at a time, it's pretty rare. When I make chicken or turkey stock out of all the bones etc. that I save up in the freezer till they fill the pot, I throw all that in the bin and it composts fine in a fairly active pile.
val_s
11 years agoYou know....I drool over Lloyd's and John's pictures of their huge compost operations but your little 'Frankenposter' tickles me. :-)
I would never have had the nerve to try something like that in the house but it just goes to show every thing leads back to compost no matter how you do it. Congratulations!
Val
Lloyd
11 years agoPure genius!
I tip my hat in your general direction.
Lloyd
P.S. You might want to take a felt marker and obliterate the "drinking water" on the side. ;-)
Tiffany, purpleinopp Z8b Opp, AL
11 years agoEnjoyed your story, interesting writing. Love a surprise happy ending!
reedandleaf
Original Author11 years agoTox- Even the bones?! Wow, once again you are such an inspiration. I've been trying to figure out a way to deal with the bones. Don't know if my little pile could handle them but it can't hurt to try. Thanks for the great idea :)
Terrene- We think he's about eight, a mix from the pound. He's a really sweet fellow and a good gardener. He helps me water the compost, dig holes, and "mows" the grass like a sheep ;)
Val- Thank goodness for basements! And I drool over their operations too. I think of them every time I get my little pitchfork out. I positively yearn for a backhoe! Or even better, that mechanical thing Sigourney Weaver used in Aliens! Wouldn't that be fun for turning the compost? Somebody should be working on that...
Lloyd- Ha! Thanks, and excellent suggestion; will get on that immediately. You always make me laugh :)val_s
11 years agoOr even better, that mechanical thing Sigourney Weaver used in Aliens!
OMG! That would be perfect! I've always wanted one of those for various things...scare little children, scare big dogs that poo in the yard, check the gutters...you know the usual things :-)
But I never thought about turning the compost with one...you ARE a genius!
You made me smile again.
Val
wertach zone 7-B SC
11 years agoYou are welcome!
I don't have a basement so I'm not attempting this! Besides, I rarely have leftover meat, except cat food. Two picky cats.
I cook almost daily so the only thing ever left is bones and fat. I take all of that stuff to a corner of my property every few days and leave it for the wild animals and strays. I have 10 acres so it is far from the house.
Lloyd
11 years agoI hate scary movies so I am not likely to watch Alien, any chance there is a link to a picture?
I'm curious (but not that curious).
Lloyd
val_s
11 years agoHere ya go Friend Lloyd -
For the first one scroll all the way to the bottom where it says "Stay away from her you b***h!"
This one is a slightly different view:
Just in case you ever decide to watch just to see this machine (smile) don't rent Alien. It's actually the sequel you want Aliens.
I think you should watch the movie to see the machine in action. You can watch the first 15 or 20 minutes and a guy uses the "loader" on a space ship to load cargo....long before the ending in which Ripley uses it to kill the monster. Everyone remembers the ending much better though. I bet you could build one of these...eh? :-)
Val
P.S. I couldn't really find good shots of it but it's a truly awesome machine.
Lloyd
11 years ago"It's actually the sequel you want Aliens."
There's more than one of these movies?!?! Be a cold day in YKW before I rent a scary movie.
Cool machine though. More like something Jon would use I think.
Lloyd
Laurel Zito
11 years agoYou don't seem to like composting very much if you are afraid to look at it. You have to get over such feelings of grossness if you want to really excel at composting.
val_s
11 years agoOkay - this one's pretty good too. It's also real life, not from a scary movie...hehe.
If I could put pitchforks on the ends instead of magnets, I'd be in business for sure.
Lloyd, I have to say I'm surprised at you...who'd a thunk a wheat farmer would be scared of scary movies. Some of the real life stuff you pull out of those bags is much more scary to me than the Hollywood special effects are. :-)
Somebody went and invented the power loader from Aliens
Enjoy
Val
Lloyd
11 years agoI saw The Birds as a kid, never been the same.
That is one very cool machine!!
Lloyd
reedandleaf
Original Author11 years agoHoly cow Val, these links are wonderful! Thanks so much for posting them :D I second Lloyd, so cool! I never would have guessed that someone actually went and brought the thing into the real world though. How soon can we get ours? It should come with a big huge bow like those car commercials at Christmas. Pitchforks Val--hilarious! You think someone somewhere has gone and made an actual Edward Scissorhands too?
coconut_head
11 years agoLloyd,
My friend, just wath a couple "the making of" dvd's and you will look at scary movies in a whole new light. Takes some of the magic out of them, but they are really good movies.
I personally love anything with FANTASY type monsters, I avaoid the ones with human monsters as those are a bit too real for me. I like my scary to be make believe, not a reminder of how sick some humans can be.
Lloyd
11 years agolol
Ya, when I watch pretty well any kind of suspenseful show I actually have to say out loud "The cameraman will save them" to keep myself grounded. I know it's just a movie and special effects but....
As an example, when Signs was on, I actually yelled at the television to the dumba$$ guy not to run into the corn after the dog yelped. Then I got up and left. DW and DD won't take me to a theatre to watch scary movies. I don't know why. ;-)
I think I'll stick to Disney, good war movies and The West Wing.
Lloyd
yugoslava
8 years agoI was looking for some information and came across this. All I can say is, it's informative, more importantly made me laugh and I enjoyed general good humour. The idea of composting meat is something I've thought of. Most of the time one is told it will attract animals. I'm leery of composting meat because of smell. However, at times when I had some meat scraps and put it in compost and covered it well there was no smell at all. I haven't used bones but would like to. How do you compost bones?
toxcrusadr
8 years agoBird bones (like chicken and turkey) are lightweight and hollow and will decompose especially in a hot pile. Beef and pork bones, not so much. Some people dry/roast them in the oven and pulverize with a hammer. If you have acidic soil or low calcium it is a good source. I have limestone based clay so I have all the calcium I need and my soil is neutral so I don't work that hard at it, but I put in chicken and turkey bones.
Even large quantities of meat can be composted IF your pile is big enough, hot enough and they are buried deep enough. Dead animals have been composted in large piles of sawdust. Just not something you want to do at home. :-] But it will certainly turn to compost, and those scraps you are putting in are just fine as long as you don't have animal problems.
coconut_head
8 years agoIf you make bone broth out of your bird carcasses (like you should be) the bones become so soft they would essentially be like powder when dried out. Pressure cooker for like 2 hours or in a slow cooker for 48 hours. Im sure that would all compost just fine. Also beef bones will turn pretty soft as well if you do them in the above method. I think definitely soft enough to crumble with a little hammering.
coconut_head
8 years agoAlso one more tip on broth while I'm at it, save your onion skins and ends and carrot and celery ends. Put them in a gallon freezer bag and put them in the freezer, keep adding to it and then when you want to make a broth, you have a lot of great flavor and nutrition saved up. No need to sacrifice whole carrots or onions or celery. After you do the broth you can still compost them also.
arindisaterriblethingtowaste
8 years ago
Dead crabs stunk up the neighborhood, the smell died down and I applied chicken manure fertilizer to the front lawn. Next time I will bury the crabs deeper, but you'll have to pry the fertilizer from my cold dead hands. My neighbors know I'm a compost whacko!
reedandleafOriginal Author