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Oh no, NOOOO, it is that time of the year.

User
11 years ago

We still have a couple of weeks to go until the annual festival of horticultural lunacy known as Chelsea and already my bile runneth over. Yes, I know I generally rant about the ridiculous behaviour of the ahem, designers, with gardens which possess not a single plant, gardens which consist of grass and glass, gardens decorated with diamonds (for crying out loud) but this year, I am even more outraged by a concept which has been gathering pace for the last decade and is reaching its apotheosis in a climax of eco-rape. Yep, I am talking about the insane desire to ship huge mature trees from around the globe in order to display them to a bunch of jaded celebs and moneyed fools. You want a 200year old olive - no problem - there will be some debt-ridden peasant happy for you to uproot the family heritage for a week long extravaganza and a fat purse. Hey, how about a gigantic antarctic beech - yep, we can get it. In fact, if you have the money, anything, anything at all can be yours. So we have the unedifying spectacle of the idiot Diarmiud Gavin with his ludicrous 7 storey scaffold of plantlife (surely this man has the smallest penis in Ireland and is desperately compensating). It is always worse because I naively expect some more awareness from gardeners....but then, they aren't gardeners, are they - they are designers (a synonym for crassly self-important wannabees) who fail to appreciate the majesty of these huge trees, grown in harmony within a fully functioning eco-system, reduced to mere decorative fillips for the very rich to ooh and aaah over. Despite the fact that once uprooted, such trees need continual irrigation, many die but hey, lets not stand in the way of a spectacle, even if it took 150 years to create, gone in a week. Grief, I hate this appalling travesty of 'horticultural excellence'.....and I have not even seen any of it yet. Fury will not be constrained so I will mark future comments for those with sensitive dispositions, as a warning of what to expect(foul language, spitting and biting, naked hatred)....bring it on.

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