While you have LOTS of suggestions here, there is one that I haven't seen yet. Cats tend to find the smell of pine (evergreens in general) unpleasant. Not all cats are offended by it, which is why many climb christmas trees and others use pine based litters, but it is something to try. I'm assuming that if the same plant gets knocked over again and again this pot must be on a preferred path to someplace. Have you tried making the destination windowsill, squishy place to sleep, interesting smells, snacks) unattractive? What about moving the pot? As for climbing, cats prefer high places. They do not limit themselves to a horizontal plane like humans and dogs tend to do. The higher the better in most cats' opinions. You might try adding appropriate vantage points in your home so your cat doesn't see the ficus as the best view. Even a couple empty or sparsly decorated shelves might work, as long as kitty has clear access and space to make himself comfortable. You might try planting a patch of catnip for your cat to enjoy as an alternative to playing in your other plants. In my experience, cats can obsess over a pot of catnip, so you might only put it within access at night or when you're out of the house (whenever plant terrorism is most prevalent). Else, be prepared for continual feline attention on the catnip and have more pots growing in reserve. (Your cat may not develop the addictive tendencies mine showed, but it's a risk!) I assume since you said kitty does not dig in either pot, just knocks it over or climbs, that he is not using your plants as a litterbox? If he is pottying there, keep the appropriate litterbox absolutely spotless for a few weeks. Maybe even add another box or two as an enticement. Cats like to keep clean, and the litterbox is no exception. If it's too dirty for their taste they will go elsewhere. It may be that some cats prefer plant pots because we clean up after them as soon as we know it's there! Try placing attractive smells elsewhere. I've had luck in the past with pineapple juice. Just make sure it's something your cat finds wonderful, and that it's placed on something you do not mind your cat rubbing against or clawing. I strongly suggest you do not use the scent of other cats (or any animal), as it may encourage your cat to mark territory by spraying, urinating or defecating. Like someone mentioned earlier, wear your cat out! Lots of playtime, lots of human snuggle time... whatever your cat will agree to engage in. Lexie PS-I'm a fourth year animal behavior student; all of these ideas are adapted from a behavior course I had recently. Here is a link that might be useful: Humane Society of the United States Feline Behavior Modification Suggestions

Ada, I love guineas and have had them for many years, but would never try to keep them in a suburban environment. There is just no way it is going to work out well. Guineas are the loudest creatures on the face of the earth and even if your neighbors agree ahead of time that it is OK with them if you have guineas, I bet they'll change their mind when they hear them. We've had them every year except this year, because predators wiped out our 30 last year along with most the other poultry in our neighborhood and we decided to skip having them this year in the hope that the predators would move on. (They haven't.) Our guineas ate ticks but preferred grasshoppers and would chase them endlessly. Our chickens stick closer to the house and eat ticks as well. If you have guineas (or any other game birds or poultry) you have to have a coop for them that is predator proof because everything under the sun will attemp to kill them, and often succeed, including dogs, raccoons, bobcats, foxes, coyotes, ringtail cats, and hawks. Some snakes will kill keats and half-grown guineas. Guineas will make a racket and squawk any time something they're 'used to' changes or is out of place, so they'll alert you every time an animal walks across the yard, etc. and they'll have a fit and treat your husband like an invading stranger if he does something drastic like shaving off his mustache or getting contacts instead of wearing glasses. They like for things to stay exactly the same and don't handle change well. They'll run right out into traffic when they're chasing a grasshopper and you'll lose some that way, and you can be legally liable for vehicle damage if the guineas cause a vehicle accident. Our guineas did keep our property pretty much tick-free and grasshopper-free, but then the dogs and cats would run wild through the pastures next door and bring home ticks on them, so even though we might have been 98% tick-free, we were never 100% tick-free. Even though the guineas have been gone for about a year, we still haven't had ticks return, unless the chickens have been eating them. I'm not seeing ticks on our dogs and cats though. Our guineas were locked in a predator-proof coop at night, although it took us a few years to make it 100% predator-proof, and we could keep them inside a covered chicken run during the day if we didn't want them roaming because a bobcat or fox or whatever was around. However, once they are used to being allowed to leave the fenced area, they aren't happy being cooped up and scream and yell all day for you to come let them out. One option that no one has mentioned is a chicken tractor. If you made a very lightweight chicken tractor, you could drag it to a new spot every day and let them work that area and then drag it to a new spot the next day. While purchased chicken tractors are very expensive, you can make your own pretty easily and fairly inexpensively. I've linked a website below set up by a woman to show many different versions of the chicken tractor. If you google 'chicken tractor' you'll find everything from books to detailed plans to YouTube how-to videos. If you're at home during the day, you can move the chicken tractor every hour or two and they'd cover more ground that way, but they still will be very loud. And, yes, you need to raise them from keats or they'll leave your place and try to "go home" even if home is 100 miles away. Dawn Here is a link that might be useful: Chicken Tractors

--"My husband, her SD, feels that she should do without. If she cant make enough for those things she does without. He feels she should learn to budget her money well enough to bascially support herself and not ask us for money"-- I tend to totally agree with your husband in the general sense. No one should be enabling their children to live beyond their means and/or taking advantage of the 'Mommy/Daddy will bail me out' thing. I've spent years, as I'll assume most other parents do, raising my children and preparing them to be able to be responsible productive adults when the day came. But with that said, I could 'go' either way on this particular thread. Is the daughter blowing money and a budgeting adjustment on her part would make a big difference? Does she think she can just spent and spend and no problem as when she runs out someone will just hand her more? If so and tossing in her disrespect and attitude of excusing her ill behavior 'It is not MY fault' blah blah, nope, she'd not get a penny out of me. On the other hand, the young adult works for peanuts at Walmart, she goes to school fulltime and she perhaps does not have the ability to get a second job to supplement her income. Would depend on her varying schedule ability at her current job and classes available at different times. If she really is very thrifty with her money, assuring she does things like lunch bag toting and no joy riding, no fancy unnecessary 'junk' (fancy phones, latest fashions, entertainment with the buddies inwhich the money should be going into the gas tank to go to work/school blah blah)and she still can not make ends meet, I'd likely give her gas money for school/work, fix her flat tire and all those mundane boring but necessary expenses...but only when it was absolutely necessary. If I thought she would have to quit school/job because she could not fill her gas tank to get there, yeah, I'd help out. The goal behind the going to school/working I'll assume currently is to better her options for improving her abilities to earn a higher living and really become self sufficient very shortly. I'd give her a bit of credit for that and realize it is short term and soon she'll be out on her own and fully supporting herself. If I didn't think that, no, I'm back to not helping her occassionaly. I might even occasionally give her a 'treat' of a bit of spending money to have an evening out with a friend (movie pizza type thing) because I would not want her to totally burn out at her age and decide she wanted to do something stupid like quit work and/or school. It would depend on how well she were doing, her attitude towards the household ect. In other words, if I could see she really was trying very hard to both budget and behave I'd likely treat her to a small shopping trip at my expense and/or stick a bit of cash in her purse for a 'fun' night. But it would not be routine and it would cease immediatedly if she 'expected' it as her due and/or was being a pain in the *ss. Again, I think your daughter's money situation she be something you and husband sit down and discuss. No, she can't have money if she is blowing it and not budgeting her income in a careful manner. But is it 'wrong' to help her out a bit when really necessary? That's something only you and husband will have to discuss and come to a mutual agreement on. If she really is mismanaging money and has an entitlement 'bail me out, Mom' line of thinking and you're falling for it , my personal opinion is SD is right. Knock off supplementing her or you'll still have a little girl living with you in five years.

Stepmomof4 and newwife58, thank you both so much. I can't tell you how much this forum has already helped me personally. I sucks that BM can put a strain on my marriage. We are newly married as well. I just worry if I can strong enough to keep fighting the fight. Our goal is simply peace in our home. Newwife58, I love the advice of keeping it out of the bedroom. Just last night the hubby and I were in our room talking about what to do next with BM. I announced it was 9:31, the discussion is over till tomorrow. I really do believe the children need counseling. When BM was backer acted, dad tried to get custody to no avail. We live in Florida, if that helps give anyone some insight. Family Law's are outdated. Let me share an email BM sent. By the way, she completely abuses any form of communication. In the past 4 days we have received 17 emails!!! AND It is really hard to not respond to them. Is that our best approach? To just ignore them? We so badly want to just tell her off, ya know? Stick up for our self. *BM is speaking of me here of course* "It just seems there is something off with her. She seems to have an issue with everything. Its just wierd. Its immature. I know because before u were with her we had decent and civil communication. Now however god forbid I wanna tell u anything at all about the kids. Its an issue.. She seems to feel threatend by my kids or the fact that u were married before. She feels the need to control and manipulate any contact with the kids. Its just wierd and sad. But that's ur choice and I'm glad u r happy. My kids will hav to deal with the fact that u no longer hav any interest in them or their day to day lives." Second email from BM : "(dads name here), U can also tell ur wife to stop writing all in my kids school adjendas. That's for PARENTS to sign. Not someone who sees them 2x a month. And plays absolutely no role in their lives or schooling. She is in no way their parent. I am. I guess it makes her feel important to sign their school things. LoLOLOLOLOL!! Pullleeaaase!" Let me just say, BM is still married to husband #2 but now has a new man living in her home for about 2 months, or so. This new guy also signs the children's school papers.but that's okay with her?!?! Is it so bad that I, their SM, wrote a note in SD's workbook, "have a great week at school. Love dad and (my name)" Or that I wrote a note in her book to help her remember how to spell a word correctly?? She is completely off base here. I don't know if this is part of her disorder or what. Have you ever had to deal with someone that no matter what you say, how you say it, they JUST don't get it? Thing is, not that long ago her and I were able to work well together. Before this, BM would tell me that she couldn't have picked a better SM for her children, that she is comfortable in her position, they could call me mom if they wanted, etc. She only sung my praises before, saying things have only improved since I have been around. BUT she couldn't control herself, called me an ugly, fat whore one too many times, I put her in her place and stopped all contact. Before this, BM would tell me that she couldn't have picked a better SM for her children, that she is comfortable in her position, they could call me mom if they wanted, etc. She only sung my praises before, saying things have only improved since I have been around. It seems to me that BM really WANTS to believe that my hubby is only restricting her because I am making him. Saying they used to be civil is a joke. They have never been civil. There was just too much destruction in their marriage, too much hurt. I don't believe they will ever be able to peacefully co parent. I digress. Sorry this has been so long. I am new here and felt that I needed to give a bit of a back-story. ***My main objective, as quickly as we can, figure out how to set boundaries and enforce BM to comply. What is the best approach here? How do we stop BM from telling the children that we are drug addicts, alcoholics, or that we don't love them or that I'm not their parent?? Her opinions are her own, that's fine but BM can not be allowed to continue to tell the children these things. Like I said, you CAN'T tell her anything. We have tried everything and now feel that we must resort to legal action. That is why I am here.. Thank you all!!