I think fear of the home's not being "clean enough" is keeping a lot of us, maybe in the 2-job families with kids, from having more get-togethers. I know it does, me. Not talking filth and news-making clutter, but just, oh, I can never get all the poofs of cat hair from the floor, or if I have time to get the kitchen really clean, then the porch needs sweeping and there are cobwebs on the front door, or if I clean up a lot the day before, DD or DH will make a pile of mail, or shoes, or something somewhere before the next evening. That sort of thing. I'm trying to: simplify, simplify so is easier to keep clean; do more regular upkeep--it only takes a few minutes here and there but then is not so overwhelming to think about someone walking in; and also to just "get over it". My close friends could care less, I truly believe that, but still I put off doing what I would like, throwing impromptu informal dinner of pasta and salad or whatever. The type of thing I feel most compelled to do, so might expect, if company is invited over, is that the kitchen be generally CLEAN--like, no dried egg yolk on the counter from last week, or obvious old slime in the sink--but would think nothing of seeing the dishes used to prepare dinner, or coffee cups, or whatever. Also expect to see prep work if food in progress--cutting boards, veggies being cut up, etc. There should be a place for the guest to sit, and not sit on something squishy or be afraid to lean on the counter or table! But if you drop in on me at the end of a work day or a weekend day spent out in the yard, then the sink and counter may be piled with dishes and there will be crumbs from the most recent snack prep and so on. So maybe you have a hidden question about a specific situation that hurt your feelings or bothered you--or are just wondering whether people expect others to be perfect. I appreciate a pleasant neat clean home when I go visit--I appreciate the effort that people go to and I appreciate nice design and decor as well, but as above, unless something just seems unhealthy or bizaare, I'm so happy to be invited to a barbecue or supper, or to be asked to stop by and get something shared from the garden, and then if I go in the house for a Coke, or whatever, I could care less about their housekeeping. And if the person says, sorry about my house, I can usually say most honestly, gosh, what are you talking about, this is positively sterile compared to mine! In fact, I WISH some of the homes I go visit would look a little messier, because the immaculate home makes me feel even more like I can't meet that standard. So MY rather is, I wish we would all invite each other over more and laugh and have a simple meal--a tray of sandwiches and cookies--and worry less. Serve more wine!

I found this post by accident and couldn't stop laughing. What a relief to know that I am not the only member of the "wrong car club". I'm not even the only member of the "loading groceries in the wrong car" club, LOL. My husband is always pleading with me to please be more aware of my surroundings. My daughter and I loaded a weeks worth of groceries in someone else's car one time. I got into the drivers side and she got into the passenger seat and buckled up. We were both into our conversation so much we didn't notice someone elses fast food bags and jumper cables in "our" car. It hit us both at the same time ...mid sentence. We grabbed our groceries as quick as possible and ran.Unfortunately, in our hurry, we left our toilet paper in the back seat of the car. I've always wondered what the real owner of the car must have thought when he found an unopened package of toilet paper in his back seat.

I know what you mean mommabird! (Paige, right?) I think that's why I still hold on to this friendship--waiting to see if there's enough that's strong about our friendship that will lessen the impact. She lives in another town, so it's not like there are so many opportunities to "dilute" the effect that comment had. (Or, waiting to see if other events provide other guidance.) I also know that it's very easy to "kill the messenger"; *part* of why her comment stung was because I believed it was probably true, and it was evidence of how bad my home looked at the time to an outside. It was embarrassing, but it was true (was your joke about that boyfriend right, perhaps, and pointed right toward some uneasiness she was feeling?), and it's very easy to then blame the person who flipped on the light switch. So I fight against that--when she comes, I try not to think about it too much, and focus on the harmonies we can create as we chat. The thing is, I have friend from college who once said something really sharp that stung, and it really did nearly break up the friendship. But we got past it because it *was* an aberration, and the things that were good and strong about that friendship let us wait a day or two to get past it. That's also part of the damage the Dumpster Lady's comment did--put together with another "scolding" from her (one that I don't agree w/ her on), it showed me that we don't have the depth of friendship, or the sharing of standards, that perhaps we had both assumed. Maybe bcs we don't speak very often and so just don't know each other well; maybe bcs our personalities don't mesh as much as we'd thought. But it was less a single impact, and more the switch that has made me look again at the strength of the underlying friendship. But you're right, we all say stupid things, and we should be gentle with the people we know who do so, and hope that they'll be forgiving of us. (can your kids possibly be teenagers already? )

I enjoy looking at them all every day. But do you see them? All of them? I know that, unless I make a special effort to notice, a lot of my display is put in the background of my mind. I would think that a plethora of photos would effectively disappear from view. The brain can only take in so much information at any one time, and things that don't change are easily ignored so other, more lively information can come in. I would think that an electronic frame where the pictures change, or even a plastic sleeve with a frame on the fridge where you can change the picture(s) as you wish, would actually grab more of your attention and you'd see and appreciate them more. It would be fun to see if you sat down, back to the fridge, and you started listing all the pics that are on there, how many you'd be able to name.... I have a dozen pictures framed and hung on display over my woodstove. While I'm pretty sure I might be able to name most of them, I'm sure I'd never get the order right, even though I see them every day, hours at a time, but I don't often look....