Hey Mary, it's fine to air your thoughts on the subject, I've said it before, it's a fun hobby and we're not obligated to send Bonus, never knew it was such a thing, I just sent mostly doubles, lately triples of fresh Jasmine, Coral Vine, Duranta and White Hyacinth Bean whenever I was asked for some, figured they'd want more of each.
A few Bonus seeds sent to relatives and friends is a good thing too.

What goes around, comes around.

GB

you have to excuse me for not making a bit of sense.

I have been depressed lately. My mind runs in circles and goes back to meet itself. I am beside myslef many times.

I think it is due to tapereing off my evil antidepressants. This is very hard and messes with ones head to a large degree.

Maybe in a few years when I manage to get off these drugs I will be able to think properly and be better able to learn about how to go about this gardening thing. I am confused most of the time.

Mary, what's sad is how you feel, I understood you fine in the earlier post, sorry you feel so bad, hope you talked with your doctor and see what can be done about antidepressants, but most of all, to get to the reason for depression, hope you have someone to talk with. Weather being so pretty, being outside is good. Keeping busy, even making and sorting seed pkts -anything to keep mind busy.
You're doing well with your veggie growing, it's not as simple as what we might read or hear, not when we have draughts, heat, humidity and storms! Know what my daughter's in-laws recommend growing? (they're in Marshall, TX)
Purple Hull Peas, Corn, Watermelon, Squash, Peppers and especially Peanuts, saying their soil is well-suited for peanuts!
I won't even try planting most veggies, except kale, collards, climb cukes and beans! mostly, all among the flowers!
Seems you've attempted a lot and as any farmer will tell you, crop failures are to be expected.
When we fail, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and on we go with more hope, have faith.

You take care, hope you feel well soon, way sooner than in 3 years!

Bea-GraanieB

Mary,
Don't feel bad about your post!
I try to only send a bonus of something the trader wants(or very near it). Sometimes I have just a small extra of things and don't post them on my trade page and when I see it on the traders page I send it. I don't just put something in the envelope because I have a lot of it, you know! I keep the trader in mind. And if I don't have anything that I think they would want, I don't send an extra.
And you are a very good trader Mary. I would trade again with you any time: )
Remy

OK, I think I have changed my mind on the subject. you guys make some good points.

Unexpected surprises are nice, and even if they are something that is not able to be used there is a nice feeling around the whole thing. It is even more pleasant when someone took the time to send something in the same general categories that are on the wish list. Even if something that can't be used for what ever reason, it does give a nice felling to send these off so someone that was looking for just that thing! I have had that happen.

When I have included something off the trade, I have always included a note which says, please feel free to trade anything you can't use. I just don't want them to feel bad about it if they do.

And truly, I have gotten nice trades and have sampled bonus items that I would have never tried unless they were sent that way. So all is good in the neighborhood.

As far as being under the weather, I have suffered low to high levels of clinical depression all my life. I hate it, but it is a part of life, that I don't think will ever change for me. I do have my opinions on why. Mostly, I believe that low moods go with being sick in some way physically. I was on lots of aspirin for frequent leg pain, and antibiotics for ear infections and such as a child. I believe these weakened me physically, and set the course for my depression as a teen and an adult. Anyway, that is it in a the nutshell. I talk more about this on my website, listed on my member page, if anyone is interested. home pages are listed at bottom of member pages.

Don't worry, I will be fine, I just need to get through it. Anyone that has been through SSRI tapering knows is is harder than heck.

Yes, keeping busy is a good thing. I forget this at times, so thanks for the reminder.

Thanks for the suggestions on what to grow. Lots of stuff is really not suited to here and I knew it before I even tried it. like cabbage. But tomatoes, I had no clue they would be so unproductive. Radishes and rutabaga are not good sprouters here, so those are getting traded. I already traded the cabbage seeds (which were a bonus, but gave me a way to try them free). Root crops take longer than the stated days on the package, since the root will not grow when temps are over or below a certain temp. Clay soil sure does not help roots either. I have not tried carrots for that reason yet, plus their longer growing time, makes it hard to think they would have time to get full size. I will try them one day (after my soil is deeper), and probably drop them from my list after I do.

None of my fall planted herbs sprouted. I don't know if you are supposed to water everyday until they sprout, but I didn't. Maybe I will give them a go this spring, and water for a month to keep them happy. My lemon balm and soap wort I planted under a faucet near the cooler part of the garden did not come up either. They are both supposed to be invasive, so maybe I should be glad they did not. I was considering re planting the herbs now for winter sowing, but in the ground like nature would do. They other three herbs I planted in fall were parsley, borage and dill. Course, these being cool weather herbs, maybe they are a waste of effort. I am going to try out basil, oregano, and rosemary this spring. I don't expect those to come up either.

Here is what I have planned for next year

southern peas
lima beans
wax beans
winter squash
melon
watermelon
peanuts

and for fall crops
peas - (barely have time to mature before frost in fall or before high heat in spring, but the few I get are worth it)
lettuce
spinach
beets
celeriac

the following will get dropped if I can't get anything out of them
celeriac
spinach
melon
Lettuce has sprouted but it it does not mature, thats are off my list too.

I have never tried water melon. I am planting sugar baby, but suspect this is a northern variety, so will try something else if that does not work out. I've never done peanuts either. I have only been veggie gardening this year, and last year. Last year just winter squash though. Still very much a beginner.

I was a wild flower planter before. Scatter the seeds, hope for the best. They never disappointed me.

thanks for the encouragement everyone.

remy
I planted the Indian blanket, so can't wait till spring to see them come up.

Mary

Mary, I'm sorry you were feeling so down. We had a couple good trades remember? As for bonuses, sometime I include them on the spur of the moment, but most of the time, I look to see if I have something from the person's want list or close to it and I'll include that. Most of the time, I don't see one so I don't -- you never know what people will appreciate having - or sometimes I'll include something that I have that is not for my zone but would do well in theirs.

Hope you're feeling better!

HI sguanzon,

Yes I remember you, we had a very nice trade, I got lots of houseplants and veggie seeds, and you got garden stuff!

I watered the 3 succulents too much and they died, boo hoo, but the cactus and the ivy are very happy.

The luffa gourd, pencil pod wax bean, lemon queen sunflower, cardinal climber all have spots assigned to them in next years garden.

To everyone that is/was concerned about me. I am doing much better today. I went up 5 mg on my zoloft a week or so ago, since my last 10 drop in September was too much and I never recovered. So now I am at 80 mg. Also the day I was doing bad enough to mention it here, I had a few days were I had forgotten to take my medicine on time. That messes me up.

Still have a long way to go but I will get there. When I am completely of the zoloft, I will probably then need to find a natural herb or food to keep me out of blues land. But since I have discovered the many foods cause depression in me, I avoid them like the plague. So I might be fine if I am carful what I eat. One of them is orange juice. Many natural supplements make me severely depressed. I believe it is a preservative no listed on the label. Anything under 2% does not have to be listed. I am very allergic to citric acid and it is used a lot in vitamins. So I do not take supplements anymore.

Since I began my zoloft 13 years ago, I began a whole foods diet, no processed food at all not even ketchup! I did this mostly due to allergies to lots of foods, including but not limited to corn, wheat, dairy, eggs, sugar, and chemical additives. Since started this about 6 years ago , I feel tons better. If I only found out about all my allergies before toxic drugs entered my life. Oh well.

Anyway, enough of this silliness.

Mary

Mary, you've been thru a lot and thankfully are realizing the ways to better health, hope you keep up feeling well.
Good choice of what to plant next year, look like easy to grow things. We had large gardens for years, had to plant most in the raised rows, okra was the toughest one- didn't matter where it grew. Picture comes to mind, after hurricane Camille all was flooded and okra plants stood up out of the water.
We like it dipped in fishfri and fried.
Tomatoes didn't do well for me this year, last year we got seedlings planted in the large containers with potted soil, they looked best ever! Peppers like the shady and cooler places, did their best when I left the grass to grow around them one year, from there on I've planted them in the shade.
Need lots of water and more fertilizer than most plants.
Yard long beans do the best for me. Purple Hull (Cowpeas) too. Want to find Mustard Spinach again, done really well.
Mints grow so well from cuttings, never planted any seeds yet. Heard lots of herbs are hard to germinate, esp. rosemary, tarragon, chamomille etc, but we try...wish you good luck, first of all with your health, take care.

Bea

hi there! I can relate to the depression thing, I have seasonal affective disorder and also have been moody ever since a brain injury I got in college. The injury upset my brain balance. I believe that there is no shame in needing SSRIs.

Yet in the past I have been able to taper off them by increasing my sunlight exposure, eating better, exercising a lot, and taking certain herbs (plain herbs, not supplement pills). The herbs that helped me most were (in order of most helpful): Siberian or korean ginseng (natural energy boost), schizandra berry (helps one adapt to stress), codonopsis root (improves mental focus), melissa/lemon balm (natural mood lifter), damiana (similar to caffeine but stimulates without "jitters" or insomnia) and ginkgo (reduces mental "fog" or confusion.) I used all of them at various times. I tried St Johns wort tooI love to send bonuses because people usually like getting them. I try to send stuff that is similar to or the same as, something on someone's wish list. But sometimes I just send something that I think will work well in their zone/cimate. If for some reason I can't use a bonus seed I re-trade it or offer it for SASBE.

But living in Hawaii I can get in trouble for receiving certain restricted seeds in the mail, including gaura, milkweed, castor bean, and passionflower. So to be safe, sometimes I will ask people to not send me bonus seeds.

I used to live in South and then Central Texas as a young adult, and we had heavy clay soil. We used to successfully grow tomatoes productively by mixing in a lot of manure and peatmoss and pine bark mulch into the soil, and using heat/drought resistant tomatoes like Jitomate Bullito, San Marzano, Zapotec, and Punta Banda. We also mulched the tomatoes heavily with grass clippings.

The best times of year to start tomatoes indoors from seed seemed to be 8 weeks before last date of frost (for setting plants out as soon as last frost date is past) and also 8 weeks before Autumn Equinox, for growing a fall crop.

Mary, Glad you are feeling better.

And about those redbud seeds :)
Since I couldn't plant real trees in my small yard (a couple in pots works okay, but can't have too many of those either), I gave them to a wonderful lady at a local "in person" swap meet who was trying very hard to find those particular trees. Seemed no one else had them but me...thanks to you.

Please don't feel silly at all. They're probably all growing like champs in her yard now. I try to include some bonus seeds now that I have so many this fall - figure it's fun, like a prize in the crackerjack box. I wouldn't go buy the prize, but it's still fun to get! I never expect it in return. I do try to trade for multiple seeds right off the bat now too...more fun and cheaper postage.

(I harvested sooo many of the southern Rice Peas that you traded me. I think I remember yours didn't grow so well - if you want some more of that seed to try next year, just let me know.)

My best always,
Tina

I felt bad after I posted this thread at first, because I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings with my strange thoughts on the subject.

I guess my main concern was getting bonus seeds that would not work out for me and having to re trade them. I thought oh, my gosh they would see those seeds on my trade list and feel I was ungrateful. I hate seeds to go to waste, so I feel it is better to re post than to have no one use them. Now, I see I was being silly about being afraid of re posting. I guess sending unasked for seeds, one does take the chance the person can't use them. I have send extra seeds and now I now I should not feel bad if they can't be used by that person. I am sure they will find a home for them.

klingod,
I am glad the red bud seeds went to someone that was looking for them. I replanted the rice peas later in the season and those did better. I watered them more. Anyway, I surely do not need more of those seeds. I had so many extra that I listed them in the seed savers (SSE ID TX OG M) yearbook for next year. My first year to list anything. I also have them on my trade list. I have about 18 seeds packs of these. I am saving 10 for the seed savers yearbook, and 8 are left to trade here. Thanks for offering them, though. It made me smile to have you offer me some of them.

I am trying to hang on til I feel a lot better. I had reservations about gardening at first. I react to all plant life, by getting rashes, itchy skin, congestion and/or fatigue. I am so tired right now. Gardening does take its toll on me. All the bending twisting, lifting and all that other stuff tends to exhaust me. Now, I am in great need of getting rolfed. I used to go to the chiropractor 1-3 times a week, but now I don't I find rolfing to work better, and last longer. Now that everything is dead in the garden, even the beets that I thought would survive, I guess it is safe to go get rolfed without just messing it up with gardening that just puts me all out of whack again. I am all crooked when I look in the mirror. Shoulders slant to the right. Sometimes gardening tires me, but now that it is cold and nothing to do in the garden, I am bored and a bit down.

When I fell like this, I wonder if I should garden. I just got send some oak seedlings and wonder if planting them is wise. Oaks and all other trees with out showing flowers are highly allergenic. But seeing squirrels in the yard will make me happy. I need to be entertained by wildlife. My severe allergies keep me at home away from the allergenic world. I can't even go into others houses due to air fresheners, pesticides, scented personal care products and chemical cleaners. The new dog that my daughter brought into the house last year has chased all all the birds away. Now I don't get to watch them. I feed them, but they know that dang dog is there to scare them away, so they do not come in flocks like they did.

grove spirit,

I will look into the herbs you talked about. I did not have good luck with saint john's wort either. It either made me sleepy or hyper, I can't remember which. I read the best herbs to use for depression is ones good for the liver. The liver being clogged up is what caused depression.

I am glad to see this post, not because I really care one way or the other about bonuses ( if I get them and can't use them, I just SASBE them to someone) but because of the heart-warming outcry to a fellow gardener in pain. Gardeners, in my humble opinion, are next to Godliness, we are a good caring bunch of folks who generally worry about, plants, animals and people, Les

its me again.

I went up 5 more mg of my zoloft on dec 24. It made a world of difference and I could enjoy christmas.

Almost a month later, I still am ok, but need to wait a while more to feel even better.

if you want all the boring details, I update my website will all that stuff.

My site is mostly about MCS, so if you have that too, you may find the site useful.

I do hope I don't drop back into that hole again, but I always do so that is too much to ask. But one can always hope.

and I agree with love2gardennc, gardenweber's are very nice folks.

Mary

Here is a link that might be useful: my progress with zoloft tapering

What I try to do is have a look at someone WANT list and if I have some extra of their wants I send a few, if I don't have any of their wants I look at their ZONE and see if I have anything nice that will grow in their zone and send a few as a gift. If I don't have either I don't send it, I don't feel like I have to or need to send extra seeds it's just that I usually have more than I can possibly ever plant and I just don't like to see good seeds go to waste!

RG
Dena

First I finally, recovered from the last taper. I read it can take 6-18 months to recover form a ssri reaction. I guess they are right.

I have come up with a idea that works for me concerning bonuses. If I can use the seed, I try it. If not, I add those bonus seeds to my bonus section on my trade list. When a person trades with me, I let then have what ever is in the bonus section, with no additional trade. I will also stick seeds in there from my own stash, that are old or just been on my trade list forever, with no one asking for them.

This seems to work out great. This way, I know if they ask for them, they can use them.

I have tried offering sase seeds, but I truly believe a person feels better about themself when they feel as if they earned something verses getting something for nothing. I posted on a different trade forum once, that they could select as many seeds as they wanted, from the items listed in the post. They would only have to send on thing of seeds to me. That went over well. I know some hate charity, this way, they could keep their dignity. Plus I could get a little something too. A person sent about 250 cowpea seeds for like 10 of my seed packs. I am sure he wanted the trade to be fair. This trade only proved to me, most people would rather trade than receive seeds for nothing. I know I am that way.

thanks for being so kind to me. Gardeners are great!

Mary

Hi Mary, I hope all is well with you. I have been dealing with anxiety for about ten years now and can relate with the medication and trying to get off of it. I have been on xanax for eight months now and its the only thing that works for me. I donÂt like taking it but the only other alternative would be spontaneous combustion.
Back on topic now. When I first started trading I welcomed bonus packs but after a while I had more seed than I needed or wanted. I started two years ago offering a flower that is on the endangered species list and because it is endangered you cannot sell or trade the plants or seed. I can offer them for a SASBE. I now tell everyone not to send anything that might be considered a trade (including bonus packs) to keep everything legal.

Mary,

So glad you are felling so much better.

Yes, and I was a lucky recipient of some very nice seedlings (nice sized plants) of the endangered flower Jim spoke of.

They are blooming now and doing great. I've though of you Jim, several times when I admired them in bloom.

With the postage as it is now, I really wonder if anyone knows what it will take to do an sasbe anymore.

Sue

Hi Sue, Glad to hear the flowers are doing good.
I have sent 4 bubble envelopes out so far and they were all .80 cents.
Jim

I have a little trouble accepting generosity, too, so I understand what you're saying. But, I've learned over the years that people *like* to be generous and like to be seen to be generous. Graciously accepting generosity is, in itself, a sort of generosity. Be pleased that someone thought enough of you to want to be generous. If you can't pay it back, pay it forward - eventually it'll find it's way back to you.

Remember - people don't usually give something they can't afford and sharing is half the pleasure of gardening.

Yeah, totally. Giving someone the oppurtunity to give seems like a gift in itself. Personally, I love extra seeds. There have been times where extras have made my day big time. On the other hand I have quite a few packs of seeds sitting around that I haven't sown, but I try to pass those one to others that I think might be into them.

I personally Looove BONUSES and SURPRISES and if I can't
use it I will give it away. I love giving and sharing too.

Obviously, What works for one person may not work for another. I personally get a rush from other peoples generosity.

Sorry, I think my last post sounded a [liitle]? harsh or insensitive. It's late and I'm sorta beary-eyed right now.

Thanks for sharing all the great suggestions.

I think that after reading this post, I'll try to keep the other trader in mind and if I throw in bonuses, i'll try to
give something on their list.

So far I've always thrown in extra postage as bonuses and so far no one has complained yet. thank goodness for that.

lakedallasmary, i'm sure they'll be better days ahead and thanks for your posts. they keep things lively

My posts keep things lively?

Wow, thanks for the compliment (I think)

I wonder if anyone else feels that way. I just think I am boring folks or unintentionally trampling on others feelings. I tend to be opinionated.

Would people be comfortable making a note about extra preferences in their trade lists? Something like, if the sender said "let me know if you dont want extra's or something.

It would weird for the receiver to say "extra's appreciated", cuz then others might think its expected or something.

not sure why i ended up at this thread but i started at the beginning and what is funny is i agree with that first post and i am not depressed. Dont blame things on being depressed so much. I have talked to people that dont share and then when they do, BAM.. things hit the fan and they tend to be silent. We are all created differently and i love to get things extra and yet i dont. hmmm
i have a smaller yard, and 90% of my seeds go out to others, and i bet i will never get to plant the seeds i do have picked out to plant. I just purged my OWN seeds and found out i FINALLY let go of a dozens packets i so wanted to keep, but had to face the TRUTH, that so many traders here live in cooler climates and so much i cant grow in San Diego. AND yet i have so many things not acquired here that i already had and love those so much. Epyphillums are one beautiful tropical flowers. Each one of you are a blessing and it is nice to have such a variety of gardeners. Hey if we all got together not one of us would garden the same. I dont wear gloves, i like the dirt. I dont draw up a plan, i just go for it. BUT i have had to read up on a plant so i dont plant something like coneflowers that wont grow here. I LOVE THOSE BEAUTIES THOUGH. Everyone it was nice to peek in on your lives and God BLess.
sincerely Nicole

I usually add in extra seeds along with a note saying that if they can't be used in the garden hopefully they will be good for a trade. I try to send bonus seeds that are on someones wants list if I happen to have them. If I don't have any of their wants I still send what I consider nice varieties. I just have so many extras and would rather chance that someone will be able to use them in their garden then have them sit in my fridge. I don't expect any extras when I have a trade but often do get them and I appreciate the surprise.
Karyn