How to make concrete step safer for kids?
twalkman
13 years ago
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Comments (12)
oilpainter
13 years agolaag
13 years agoRelated Discussions
Anyone with Grown Kids and Young Step Kids?
Comments (5)What kind of arrangements are usually made regarding visitation? If this is just one of those rare times you will be having the kids this much, it would be worth it to stick it out then look forward to less frequent visitation. I am not in your boat - the opposite, actually. My steps are 22,24,26 and my sons (with DH) are 3, almost 5, 7. My problems arise because DH cannot, and has never been able to say "no" to his now adult kids. He is more willing to have us in a state of financial ruin than refuse these skids anything - and I'm talking luxuries, not essentials. Besides, they are all adults now. I cried a river the other day - told him that I lived for our 10 y. anniversary when we'd finally be able to start worrying about ourselves as they'd be out of college, etc. We have footed every bill for them since day 1. But, our ten year anniversary was spent w/ us barely speaking. His grown DD has been living w/ us for 6 months (supposed to be 3-4, lied to me about discussing the temporary status of the arrangement, she has no boundaries, he won't set any, when I do I'm the wicked witch...etc.) She hasn't offered one cent towards anything - utilities, toiletries, her car payment and insurance, etc. I've had it. So, the biggest problem I've had is my DH and his inability to have his kids show respect to me, our marriage and our space. This SD living w/ us now knows no boundaries (see my other posts for more if you want) When the kids were younger, though VERY polite to the rest of the world, they weren't so great to me. It was largely issues w/ the BM who fed them a bunch of lies back then, years later told the truth, but the damage was done, etc. So, I think what's pertinent to you is asking yourself why the boy is acting out now. Is he jealous of you - suddenly? You said you got along well before. Is he missing his mom and extra clingy to his dad? If so, than this too shall pass. Is the BM "normal" in that she doesn't resent you/lie to the kids/try to poison them against you and your fiance,etc? Is he having some normal growing pains? Hormones? I don't like the cruelty to animals, however. What instances are you talking about? How does his dad view this? If he misbehaves, is his dad on your side or does he ask you to give the kid a break repeatedly? If he tries to discipline him, you've probably got a smoother road ahead of you than the one I had. This isn't much help or what you asked for from me, but I want you to think about the whole picture - the X, her attitude, the kids general behavior and how their dad handles them, etc, before I can tell you to run for the hills or march down the aisle. Life is an adjustment, a series of compromises. Just don't enter into marriage as I did, thinking us loving one another would make all the wrongs right. Take a good, hard, long look at the man and how he handles things and see if you can live w/ that. In the end, though we often spend more time w/ the steps, if we aren't the custodial household, we often go through DH to get things done. You have to see how he will deal w/ stuff and see if you can live w/ that. Also, iron out the kids' luxuries, too. We've had issues w/ cars, colleges (SS transferred to a private college after FR. year) and stuff and w/ his kids' ages, I never dreamed I'd be paying for 5 cars each month.... Good luck, Dana...See MoreNeed suggestions to make steps safer/easier to see
Comments (2)Lots of things you can do. Refinish, paint, etc...its the messiest and most costly but it would help solve the problem. the other thing is you can do it add a carpet runner. what color are the risers? if matched the tread color, paint them white. that will also help....See MoreMake multilevel deck safer?
Comments (24)You put railing around the lower portion correct, between deck and ground? So no one can run off the edge anymore? If your baby is developmentally average this is the perfect time to teach her "on your belly, feet first" or to bump on her bum off the low step. Really it will take no time at all to learn. And think how much fun it will be for them to feel really adventurous as they go up and down that little stair! And in a year, to hold hands and jump off it... Don't throw the baby out with the bath water, I see this as a *perfect* set-up for Littles because they can move their bodies in a way that requires spatial relations and courage but it is a completely safe area. Especially if you do paint the line, they will memorize their environment so fast you won't believe it. Just my parenting perspective....See MoreMy kids are complaining about their step mom- how can I help?
Comments (9)Thank you for your response, but kids’ want their way and their feelings aren’t taken into consideration all the time, by bio-parents just as easily as step-parents. A child thinks like a child, which generally means self-serving interests. Kid wants yet another bowl of ice-cream before bed; if the step-parent just says No, that is not SM being manipulative or wanting her way. That is SM acting like what she is, an adult and an adult in her own home. Call it what you want, “children first,” etc. There are many names to put on a BM trying to put some sort of spin of child endangerment in dad’s household, that he now shares with his wife. Now, I can’t say for sure what is really going on in that home, but I’m suspecting neither can you. The older, more knowing kids, don’t seem to have THAT much of an issue. Other than the pot, the examples you listed above just don’t scream out abuse. They more-so scream out: big misunderstanding. And, if you allowed your ex- to smoke pot when he was with you and your children, you might want to ask yourself why suddenly now that he is doing it with someone else, somewhere else you are so-o concerned about it and diminishing him to worthless father status. I’ll tell you what the future is for you and your children, because I’ve seen it and heard of it many a time. I’m not saying there is parental alienation syndrome going on here (PAS), because, again, I don’t know all of the facts. But, to me it sounds like you think you should have control of not only your children, but your ex- and his wife, while your children are in their home, at least. And/or, maybe you divorced your loser husband expecting him to suffer for years and years, and instead he found a new wife/ woman a little too quickly? Any way, it is extremely easy for a BM to take minor incidents that occur with her children and blow them out of proportion. This begins a cyclical effect where the kids and BM feed on each other, encouraging each other to think that dad, and especially SM, are Evil or losers or even abusive, and that they don’t have to be listened to, which in turn, upsets dad and SM, so they feel they have to somehow try to get the kids in line further, which then gives the kids even more fodder for mom, and the cycle continues and grows. But, as a BM, I admit, you pretty much have all of the power. It is very easy for you to use that power however you see fit. The court system, society as a whole, will all give you the shadow of a doubt and the shadow of a doubt alone because you are a single mother. Keep things going, and your kids will wind up hating their father, hating SM, and loving and relying on only you. You may go on to get involved or remarry, and the kids will go on to think of step-dad as their “real” dad because mom is promoting him so and not at all just because he deserves that role. There will be issues and drama beyond belief for years to come due to Evil SM and deadbeat bio-dad (that will be your and your children’s spin, anyway). In the end, your kids will think the world of you and hate/ blame their father. When, in reality, the only thing dad and SM may have done wrong is to dare to marry and to try to be happy with each other and dad’s children in their own home. Yes, to some BMs (and SKs and others) that is a crime. Stay out of it. You are the kids’ mom and he is the kids’ dad. You both have the right to parent; just because YOU feel he isn’t parenting that doesn’t mean he isn’t parenting. Regardless, it is up to you how the rest of this plays out. Enjoy your power....See Moretwalkman
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